Whats for the best

[Annon13]

Please don't judge me. I found out I was pregnant at 8 weeks.

I'm now 11 weeks pregnant with an ex i just started seeing again. Bit of background info between us I was with him 4 years ago for 2 years. I was never 100% with our relationship and I fell pregnant but sadly had a miscarriage. I was convinced it wasn't meant to be (It was my 1st relationship after being on my own for 5 years splitting from my boys dad) so i had big barriers up to start with. Ive also had a stillbirth before i had my boys with their dad and the miscarriage brought so many memories for me I just put wall up and our relationship broke down from there. Fast forward 4 years he got in contact and i recently started seeing him again taking things slow believe it or not 🙈and fell pregnant the 1st time we slept together (I was on the mini pill waiting for an appointment for the implant) he is over the moon and so was I to begin with thinking this will bring us all together and it was a gift something that's meant to be. Then reality started sinking in. My 2 boys are 13 and 12 im 34 we have a lovely life even though I do financially struggle sometimes being a single parent. I have a good job and home and pretty much easy life. This guy is an amazing guy but I'm not 100% sure if he is the 1 for me. I have doubts about him and our relationship even though its only just started again he struggles financially too. I never realised how much until recently and also suffers depression i never knew about. He couldn't come see me the other day as he couldn't afford the petrol he does work but has full custody of his daughter so I know money is tight for him but obviously not as bad as I thought. This isn't just about money. Its about bringing a life into the world where I'm not even with the dad properly. Going back to the baby stages and starting all over. Will it effect my boys I have and how I can support them. Me and my boys have a lovely relationship its always just been me and them I'm not even sure if I'm ready to have a baby or even a relationship. What if this relationship doesn't work and I'm left a single parent again. This has all just gone so fast and I'm burying my head in the sand but I'm getting further along in this pregnancy and I need to make a decision fast in what to do. I never thought I would consider an abortion after having a stillbirth but I know in my heart of hearts its the right thing to do. I've been thinking about it for a while and manage to get the courage to book an abortion today for the 18th of October. I will be 13 weeks then and I know its late but I still think its the right thing I should do. I need to speak to him obviously but I know he won't want me to go through with it and try talk me out of it as he really wants us to work and I just don't need that pressure right now. Not sure what I want out this post but I just need to get this of my chest somewhere 😭 thanks for reading my essay hope you can make sense of it as I'm just a mess right now 💔

Oh poor you
Please think of three questions:
Why did you split up 2 years ago? Are those reasons still valid?
Do you want a child?
If so, can you raise a child on your own if need be?

Don't think about abortion just yet. Abortion can be done and you will get through it. But think what is right for you?

For the record, I am also a single mum of boys 13 and 10. I was with my ex boyfriend for 5 years, and when I accidentally got pregnant, I had an abortion. I did want the baby, but never had that right feeling with the boyfriend (hence ex) so I didn't go ahead. It was hard but I haven't regretted my decision.

Now I am seeing someone else. Totally different person. And just thinking if I happen to have a pregnancy scare (actually I am having one although I don't think I am pregnant) I'd be alright to go with the pregnancy as I still want a baby and I could do it on my own (and I know the current guy would be happy even if we don't end up together).

So please think what is right for you. You only.

Thank you for replying it honestly means so much that I can just speak these things out loud and not get judge.
We've been split up for 4 years now in the time when we was together I always kept him at arms length as I wasn't sure he was the 1 for me. It took me forever to introduce him to my boys or my family even though we was together 2 years it started very slow he never moved in and I would only see him occasionally. My family loved him as he was so nice to me and was generally just a nice guy (My kids dad was abusive and put me through hell for years until I had courage to walk away) guess thats why my family liked him so much but something was just missing for me and as much as I tried to make it work I just knew it wasn't right then when I had a miscarriage I just had a breakdown and completely cut all ties with him. I met another guy 2 years after this and I loved him dearly never had doubts like I did with this guy. So I knew I made the right decision back then. We was together for nearly 3 years and had some great times he was my best friend and I was engaged to marry him but that relationship broke down as the guy became abusive (i must just pick em) we moved in together and everything just went down hill from there he done something 1 night that i could never forgive and walked away I've only broke up with him over 8 months ago and this guy im seeing now found out and started messaging me at 1st I didn't want to know as I wasn't ready for anything but he would just txt to check up on me every now and then. It was nice to have someone say nice things to me and I just got a bit carried away and ended up meeting him 1 night which led me to fall pregnant. I told him about the baby and every since his declared his love for me and really wants us to give this a go. Part of me does as I know he would never do me wrong and for the last month we've been trying to take things slow but my heart just ain't in it nor has it had time to grieve for the relationship I just came out of. I wish I never replied to him in the 1st place as things have just got way out of hand and I feel so guilty that I have lead him on like this. I feel like if I open up and be honest with him he would make me feel so guilty as he always says he can't loose me again that would break him so now I'm just caught up in a whole big mess. I wish things could work and we could be a big happy family but I'm so worried I will regret this further down the line. Now I'm pregnant this just adds so much extra pressure 😫 again sorry for this essay hope you can make sense of it as my head is all over the place x

Darling... by no means I want to influence you.. but from what you just said you have enough of reasons not to continue with the pregnancy... if he is the one for you, he will understand where you are coming from and you can always make a mutual decision to have a baby down the line.. just don't beat yourself up.. unplanned pregnancies do happen and you have to do what is right for you.

God reading that back makes it all sound like its about the relationship I didn't even mention the baby. I just wanted you to get a bit of the background. I think what I'm truly trying to say is how can I bring a baby into this mess when I don't even know if I'm coming or going. Say this doesn't work and I'm left a single parent as much as I would cope I know in my heart I don't want to go back to the baby stage again and do it all over when my children are now both in secondary school i have no school runs no more my life is easy as it can be and having a baby is just so much stress I've been there and done it. As much as it would be nice to enjoy a baby again I ain't getting any younger and never wanted anymore. And I know I would struggle financially I have a good job which I love. But feel so selfish knowing I have a little me growing inside of me 😔

You said you think the abortion is the right thing to do, and you wish you never contacted him in the first place, so there you go.

Again, if he is the one for you, he will support and understand and you can plan for the future.
If he does abandon you, then he's defo not the one for you.

Make sure you have good support for the day.

You are not selfish. You have two older ones to take care of. You are already a good mum. Stay strong.

Sorry just see your reply
I know its only me that has to make this decision and thank you so much for even taken time out to reply. Its just nice just to speak to someone. I know if I talk to him he would be devastated and would not want me to terminate. His been so looking forward to this I think this is his security of keeping me. I've got a telephone appointment on Sunday hopefully it will help me come to some answers. Again thank you 😊

Good luck, you will get through xx

Be kind to yourself. I know it’s a difficult situation.

If it helps you feel better, I’m married and I absolutely adore my husband and life is pretty stable.. but when I found out I was horrified! I wanted to run away from my life. I considered termination for a moment. Even thou we wanted a child, but the reality of being pregnant hit me so hard and I was so afraid. I didn’t expect to get pregnant so quickly and it was the reality of knowing my life would change forever. My baby is due next year.

My point is that no matter how stable and great life is, when faced with pregnancy so many of us are afraid and insure. It’s an emotional time and I just want you to be gentle with yourself and to do what you think is best for you. I really hope that you will be kind to yourself no matter what you decide. I wish you and your family all the best.

Marshmallow

Thank you so much for your lovely reply. I was currently watching Stacey Solomon stories crying to myself. She just had her beautiful baby girl and made me realise what a beautiful gift it is to bring a baby into the world. I'm trying to go easy on myself but the guilt of it all the baby and current partner is weighing heavily on me at the moment. I'm gonna try take some time for myself this week while my boys are at their dads and truly weigh up my options. But thank you xx