2 to 3 children.. reality needed please

[MaizeBlouse]

I have 2 DCs aged nearly 2 and nearly 4. I found out this weekend that I am pregnant again, unplanned. I took the MAP after our original contraception failed so this was a big surprise.
Me an DP have been together for 8 years an we definitely felt done after having 2 DCs an were enjoying the newfound freedom now the little one is older. We really don't know what to do. We would love this baby if we chose to keep it but otoh we live in a 2 bed flat and won't be able to afford to move for a few years. My career has been affected by raising my DCs and I was just making plans and progress to get it back on track.

However I am struggling with the idea of a termination and not letting this potential child live like I did my current DCs.

I know no one can tell me what to do but if you have had a similar experience an either kept or didn't keep the baby then I would really appreciate your perspective please
Thank you

Bumping in case anyone can help

Slightly different for me as I had a termination with 3 already but it was definitely the right choice to make. We didn’t have room for another, especially if it had been a boy as my son was already shoehorned into a box room. Like you, I had been affected by having children due to being a SAHM for several years and had worked so hard in various temping jobs to try and get my foot back in. I was finally offered a decent job just as I found out and I knew it wouldn’t be right. For us, I also considered that my other children would have been negatively effected by having a fourth as the potentially to earn again was just allowing us some treats, to plan for a holiday and give us options. Yes we could have scrimped and saved to make it work but it would have meant even more struggling financially and also in terms of time. I wouldn’t have wanted a fourth baby to go straight into nursery to let me to continue with work and the cost of this would have been horrendous but after even more time off, I’d have had no chance of getting back into work again.

Although it’s lovely for them to have siblings, I don’t know if that ever really makes up for being cramped at home, having less time for them and less opportunity for them to have holidays and after school experiences. I did wonder what I had done for a while after my procedure (medical with pills) and whilst hormones were high, I thought I had made the wrong choice, but now there’s no regrets. I have used that to push me even more at work and my kids have had the chance to do so many things that we never could have offered them with four. As parents as well, we don’t have that constant worry about money now...we’re not millionaires by any stretch but we both sleep better from being comfortable and having a decent life.

This is just my take on it, obviously some people may feel that another sibling makes up for other things and they may be right, I don’t know. I just feel that life opportunities during childhood and having parents with time to help with homework and ferrying to after-school stuff is good for creating memories and possibly giving them skills for the future - for me, I couldn’t have offered this to four children.

Good luck whatever you decide. Making a decision is hard but don’t fear the procedure if you chose to terminate as it’s far less daunting than you expect. It’s also perfectly valid to terminate because of the impact it would have on you and your family - just because you could make it work, doesn’t mean you have to or that this is the best option. Think about the long-term effects as well as the immediate future.

I have just had our suprise third! It's been wonderful so far and we are very happy. Spent a lot of the pregnancy worrying what it would be like, and how we can afford another one, especially with the lack of room. I also dreaded the sleepless nights as ours are now 5 and 7 and we were just getting to a really easy period.

Baby arrived the day the youngest started school! So it felt like a new era in a number of ways!

My only advice is to do what feels right, if you decide not to go ahead you'll be fine, you already have a family and I'm sure you'll be very happy as you are. If you go ahead, take each day at a time and know that things have a way of working themselves out. For example, I am sure the new baby will push us to get a bigger house eventually, but we will be fine for a year or two at least - at the moment I am enjoying an unexpected period of maternity, and my husband has taken some extra time off this time so he has 6 weeks. Don't worry too much about having everything all figured out immediately. My youngest had to have her cot in our room until we bought this house as our previous house was absolutely tiny.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Thank you both for sharing your stories and how is has effected you.
I'm still so unsure as to how to move forward. My mind is changing all the time.