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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Would I be mad to continue this pregnancy?

8 replies

saraa1991 · 27/09/2021 23:07

I could desperately use some advice right now. Tonight I found out I am pregnant, totally unplanned. I've been waiting to have a coil inserted, unfortunately my gynecologist had to cancel my appointment 3 times and in between it appears we haven't been careful enough, I am judging myself rather harshly right now so please be gentle. I've always known I have space in my heart for another child, the problem here unfortunately is I don't know if our circumstances have enough space for another child. I live in a 3 bedroom house with my husband and 3 boys, it would definitely feel cramped to have another child. Perhaps the main issue is that two of our sons are on the autism spectrum. My youngest copes amazingly and is managing in mainstream school, routine and managing emotions can be a difficulty to him. My middle child on the other hand has far more complex needs, he is non verbal mostly and has to use a specialised buggy due to sensory issues affecting him too much to be able to complete a journey on foot. He is in a special needs school and requires a lot of extra care. I wouldn't change any of my children or wish their autism away, it is who they are and wishing it away would be like wishing for a different child. I can't say it is easy though, if by chance we were blessed with another child with additional needs I fear we would be unable to cope. I'm completely numb and in shock at the moment and I have no idea how to proceed, my husband is of the opinion a termination would be best but the thought of it is painful. In terrified if I can't bring myself to go through with a termination our relationship will be damaged, I feel I'd be forcing him into a situation he's clearly not comfortable with. I'm also terrified of continuing with the pregnancy, with consideration of lack of bedrooms and children with additional needs. I'd really appreciate an outsiders opinion. Thank you for taking the time to read.

OP posts:
Elisemum · 28/09/2021 05:23

I’m really sorry you fell this way OP and it sounds like you are both wonderful parents to your children. I honestly wouldn’t take any advise from people on these forums.. people can be really mean and no one else understands your circumstances as you do. The decision should only be your and your husbands - I wouldn’t let anyone else weigh in. People do terminate pregnancies and you have every right to do it if this is the best solution for you. You have 3 wonderful children and your own mental health is upmost important too! Having 4 kids (2 with special needs) is a lot to take for parents and you need to take care of yourself too. If you do decide to terminate you shouldn’t feel any guilt about it at all. Anyway, good luck with whatever you decide

ThirdElephant · 28/09/2021 05:41

Oh no, I am sorry for the situation in which you find yourself. I think it's impossible for anyone to advise you because no one else is you, if that makes sense? I could tell you what I would do, or what I think I would do, but I have different priorities and probably feel differently to you about the idea of getting an abortion.

I would say that you're not putting your husband in an uncomfortable situation- he's as much at fault here as you are.

Iloveabourbon2 · 28/09/2021 05:46

Sorry OP. But to bring a 4th I suspect it would impact your kids too. I wouldn't run the risk imagine if you had a child with additional needs with the 4th too.

GiantHaystacks2021 · 28/09/2021 05:48

I wouldn't continue the pregnancy, if I were you.

disco123 · 28/09/2021 05:53

Is there a genetic issue that would make it more likely to have another child with additional needs?

EnidFrighten · 28/09/2021 06:07

Can you afford a bit of counselling to talk it through? It sounds like a hard choice to make.

PerseverancePays · 28/09/2021 07:20

The termination clinic will offer you as much counselling as you need to talk it through. They are very helpful.

Itsallok · 28/09/2021 07:23

As a Special needs parent if I found myself in your position, I would terminate. But that is me. You need to do what is right for you. Definitely get counselling

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