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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Original poster

Abortion thoughts

11 replies

ED81 · 12/09/2021 06:52

Hi all,
I’ve posted a couple of times over the last few months. I had an abortion in March. I can’t seem to get it out of my head. It’s the last thing I think about at night and the first thing I think about in the morning. I feel consumed. Has anyone been similar? Please tell me it does get easier/better?

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Original poster
ED81 · 12/09/2021 16:53

Anyone? I really am struggling.

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1234etc · 12/09/2021 18:35

I was in your shoes a couple of years ago. It did get easier. I also felt consumed for months, it was exhausting. Eventually I realised that I wasn't living my life any more and just needed to move on, but kind of had to give myself permission to do that. I had some counselling which helped. Accepted that we made the decision which we felt was the best one at a bad time, and it was done. And I still think it was the right one. Think I felt more guilt that regret. I really just started to be a bit kind to myself and that helped. Hope you can too.

Original poster
ED81 · 12/09/2021 19:39

Thanks so much @1234etc. I think I’m the same. Guilt is the one. Certainly sometimes regret but still believe it was the correct choice at that time.

If you don’t mind me asking, do you have children?x

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1234etc · 12/09/2021 20:34

I have one DD who is 8. She's awesome, the centre of our world. But being a parent is hard! I struggled a lot when she was born and the thought of going through those early years again was more than I could cope with mentally. I felt like a bad person for feeling the way I did, but now I know it was right for us and that's ok. X

Original poster
ED81 · 12/09/2021 20:39

Xx

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mineofuselessinformation · 12/09/2021 20:44

The thing is, you made the only decision you felt was right in that situation.
FWIW, I had an abortion (after having two dcs), having previously had huge fertility problems. I beat myself up about it for a long time, remembering that I had wanted so desperately to have children.
I've forgiven myself now - it would never have been right to bring a child into the way I was living. I know that now.
Cut yourself some slack. It was clearly not a decision that you made lightly. Thanks

Original poster
ED81 · 13/09/2021 05:04

Thanks @mineofuselessinformation. Flowers
it wasn’t an easy decision. I really just want this stage of my life to be over. Sad

I just need to chose for it to improve. I’m so irritable with everyone and everything at the moment.x

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Belinda61 · 13/09/2021 10:51

@ED81 so sorry to hear you are feeling like this.

I can't offer any advice, but can sympathise as I had an abortion in June and, if anything, am getting more consumed by guilt as time goes on. I can really relate to you saying it's the first thing you think of when you wake up.

The worst part of it is, I took the decision mainly as I didn't think having another child would be in the best interest of my two existing DC (DH is leaving and I felt I couldn't cope with being single parent to three, especially while helping my two DC through the separation). But now I'm so distracted and feel so low, I don't think I'm being a particularly good parent to them anyway.

I've booked some counselling through Marie Stopes, but haven't started yet. Could be something for you to look into if it's feasible for you?

Be kind to yourself and as a pp has already said, remember you made the best decision you could at the time xxx

Original poster
ED81 · 13/09/2021 11:15

Aw @Belinda61, thank you for your nice reply. I really appreciate it. Think I’m just having a particular bad few days.
Im sorry too for what you are experiencing. You sound like it’s been incredibly tough time & with the added stressor that your husband is leaving. Flowers

I’m receiving counselling (weekly/private) and it’s helping. Perhaps dragging up old things from the past but hey!xx

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LolaF · 13/09/2021 21:16

Hi. I’m sorry to hear that you are suffering. I have had two abortions and the second one just very recently. I am also finding it hard. The first one was 5 years ago and for about 12 months after that I really struggled, I also experienced a relationship breakdown and I ended up having a nervous breakdown. I got suicidal and had to see a psychiatrist. I never had counselling regarding the abortion. Now 5 years later I totally feel it was the right decision as my partner then was abusive. But the sadness remains although it does get easier. The abortion I just had was because I am already a single mother of 2 and I got pregnant from a new partner(we had just broken up actually before I realised I was pregnant). He was really unsupportive and after the initial discussion never even asked if I was okay. But I’m feeling immense guilt again now and I think I will ask for counselling. I can’t get it out of my head and I feel like I’m just falling apart. I am finding my two children so irritating which is really so unfair on them because I am losing my temper constantly and shouting at them. I feel awful. All I can say from my previous experience that time does make it easier but it is something that will always stay with you. We have to forgive ourselves and move on. I’m saying this but I’m struggling to forgive myself right now…. Take care xx

Original poster
ED81 · 14/09/2021 11:39

Thanks @LolaF. I’m sorry too that you are going through this.

The thing with abortion is that the fall out can be immense and there isn’t much support afterwards. However one place to have a look at is ‘Stillwaters’. They offer post abortion support. Based in Birmingham but do zoom/phone support.

some women just continue with life and don’t glance back. It’s is very individual.xx

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