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Pregnancy choices

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Father of baby wants an abortion

6 replies

Sarah24667 · 11/09/2021 03:29

Sorry I'm reposting this here as previously on wrong threat topic..

I am really sorry if I'm posting this incorrectly, however, I really, really need some guidance and or advice. I'm seriously hoping and praying that I find it here.

I am 35 years old and have no children, however, I have always wanted children. I have been dating the father of the child for around 5 months, I only call him the father of the child as he has made it abundantly clear to me that he doesn't consider us to be in a relationship (this was news to me).

Anyway, I have yesterday discovered that I am 4 weeks (2 as I understand it) pregnant, which ws a shock. When I told the father of the child initially he said he would never "shirk responsibility" and "support me whatever decision I made", I felt relieved.. like we could do this together despite the circumstances. Well, he called me today and asked me to come over to discuss and it had totally changed his opinion, he was immediately saying that the only possible solution was to have an abortion. I was very surprised at this as he attends church every week and is a Catholic, however, he said that our situation was so bad that he was willing to set aside his morals to justify abortion in his mind.. I immediately knew that I could not have an abortion and I spend several hours trying to explain the reasons why to him.

On a moral level I cannot even imagine having an abortion, I am not anti abortion at all, but for me personally I don't think I could live with myself. He did not understand any of my reasoning and to be honest I felt pressured into agreeing to consider an abortion. I literally begged him to "please don't ask me to do this" upon which he offered me no comfort despite me having what I can only describe as a panic attack. He tried to convince me to have an abortion by saying that he sees a serious future with me, but not if I have this child. He said he promised he would be there during and after and not leave me, however, not long after when it became clear I wouldn't agree he listed the reasons as to why I was "childish, selfish" and as to why we were so incompatible. Naturally this is hard to comprehend, so.. you see a future with me if I have an abortion that I don't want... And my prize for defying my morals and doing something I know I cannot live with is him.. yet at the same time he's going to tell me the reasons as to why I'm unsuitable.

I feel he's putting a lot of pressure on me, not listening to a word I'm saying and being very high handed. He already has a child from a previous relationship (4 years old) and he's using this as justification that he knows better. He kept asking me to find a solution, the only solution I could suggest is that this is my problem, not his. I want nothing to do with him and I'll do this on my own.

Can anyone please offer any advice, am I being inconsiderate? I am terrified of doing this alone, however, I want this child, it feels like my baby and abortion is simply not an option for me. I also feel like what he's said is unforgivable to me, and whilst I would never deny him visiting his child if he wanted I'd much prefer that he were not in the picture.

OP posts:
TaraR2020 · 11/09/2021 03:41

Yeah...you're the one being selfish and childish(!)
Jesus.

Let him have his tantrum & get it out of his system. Sounds like a blessing in disguise tbh, you've discovered his true colours and are pregnant with a wished for a child.

You're well shot of him.

Controlling arse that he is.

I know you're scared of being a single mum but honestly, they can make they best mums :) you will be wonderful and you are more than capable of providing for your child and giving them all the love that they need.

Congratulations on your pregnancy :)

Tbh I'd break off contact with him for a bit. Tell him you're going ahead, he can be present in your child's life if he wishes but he has no control or say over your body and unless he can learn to speak to with respect and cease his bullying you're not going to converse with him any longer.

He's more scared than you are. You're going to be just fine :)

UnsuitableHat · 11/09/2021 03:41

Really sorry to hear you’re going through this. You don’t want an abortion, so don’t have one. I’d also suggest (although easier said than done obvs) that you don’t discuss your reasons with him again, and put some distance between you if possible.

SudokuZebra · 11/09/2021 13:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlytheElena · 11/09/2021 17:38

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

He sounds like a pig, of course!
Good riddance!

Best of luck to you x

Feelingoktoday · 11/09/2021 17:51

Congratulations. You can do this. It’s your baby. It’s what you wanted.

GoodGrief100 · 11/09/2021 17:59

This sounds such an awful situation to be in and I'm sorry. Of course you aren't being childish or selfish, and if you don't want to have an abortion, then don't. What I would recommend is taking time to really think about your baby and how you will manage alone if that's what you choose. Don't romanticise it because having a baby will be the hardest thing you will ever do. Take into consideration your living arrangements, maternity leave, cost of childcare, support from family and friends and if they'd be willing to help you. I thinks it's amazing you want to do this alone and it's certainly doable but please try to prepare yourself as best you can for the hard job ahead of you.

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