Pregnant again not sure what to do

[Karatekittens09]

So I found out I was pregnant two days ago to my not so nice ex boyfriend. I love him so much he’s extremely volatile and narcissistic. He blames me for everything including his benders the last four months where he goes out and ignores me all night. The stress and anxiety is unreal. The latest time he accused me of cheating and threatened me with revenge porn. We have spoke this week due to the pregnancy but he hasn’t apologized or even tried to make things ok. He said he’s been accepted on another flat and it’s got 14ft of metal stair case but people make do! I said I want to be closer to my mum which is 150 miles away and he questioned if she was fit enough and nothing he ever offers me is good enough. Said it should be ok to go out for drinks with his friends. I said that’s fine but not when you go missing for days. I really want to keep this baby as we were in the same position in January and I terminated. We both suffered a lot and regretted it. But I just don’t think I can be with this guy. We were safe and I don’t even know how this has happened and keep thinking is it a sign but I don’t have much support around here or money so would be on benefits. Please can anyone share their thoughts. I’m so so low right now. I want to think he can change but he already has two teenage boys and hasn’t really changed for them yet is a great dad. He still do cocaine and steroids. I’m 33 in December and worried I’m running out of time to have a baby !

Keeping the baby and being with him are two separate issues.

From what you've said I really don't think you should be with this man. He will bring stress and anxiety to your life.

Keeping the baby is your choice. It will link you to him forever and you have to ask yourself if you will be prepared to share the most precious thing in your life with someone who frankly sounds utterly feckless, irresponsible and abusive.

But don't think that being with him means you have to keep the baby and separating means you have to terminate. Make your choice but end the relationship either way because he sounds vile.

At 33 there is still time to find the right man, then have a baby with him. Please don't rush your decision.

If you continue this pregnancy, your life will forever more be tied to this loser man.

Move away from him, start afresh, get work, then when your life is in a better place, possibly a relationship will happen, and babies follow.

Thanks for your replies its helping see clearly. It’s so hard right now because sometimes he’s amazing and we had a lot of good times but sometimes he treats me like dirt. I have to record our phone calls to make sure I’m not going crazy. He blames me for literally everything and I’m staying to believe it because I don’t have much self confidence as it is.

What a nasty man. It’s never OK to be treated like dirt, not ever, zilch. Kick him to the kerb and go to your Mum’s. Take your time to decide whatever you want to do and take care of yourself. Run, get as far away from him as you can. He does not have you or his children at heart. He has left his two children, and hasn’t changed his selfish behaviour for them, and is likely to be the same for any future children.

@Karatekittens09 trust your gut instinct, you are right and not to blame. Stay strong and believe in yourself, don’t settle for his blaming antics and nonsense, he is talking to defend his poor choices and addictions. Look forward to a life free of him and his confusing blame games. You are so young and have so many possibilities for a wonderful life ahead. Xoxo

So sorry to hear this . If it helps I’m in exact same position but mine is an ex .
You’re being gaslighted and he is narcissistic from what you’ve said .
Only you know what’s best but please do not focus on ‘when he’s amazing ‘ i’ve learnt it is an actually amazing, it’s normal behaviour but because you are thrown in such an emotional rollercoaster all the time with being gaslighted by a narcissist and everything is such hell and stress majority of the time when things are normal it seems amazing.
I hope you are ok my messages are open xx

No I don’t live with him he lives 150 miles away. I just don’t know what to do x

If you terminated in January and 6 months later you are pregnant again but nothing has changed then I wouldn't have a child with this man under any circumstances.

If anything it’s got worse. He goes out all the time and ignores me and doesn’t let me know where he is who he’s with nothing. He told me he will stop and change and he doesn’t know why he does it. But it’s broken me. The last four months have been hell. He lets me pay for everything while he take time off work claiming he’s depressed. Yet takes coke and steroids. I want to believe he will change but I am not sure anymore.