Unwanted miracle

[Littlemuster]

Genuinely a miracle, 6 years of TTC, bunch of tests, diagnosed with a blocked tube after an unexplained diagnosis, considered IVF briefly and eventually accepted it wouldn't happen.

Our relationship has gone down hill, I can't see us being together much longer, I don't want to be. I have 2 children whom are very high need which has only come to light in the last year or so. We hadn't started using protection as it was well.......Impossible.

Cosmetic surgery booked for 2 weeks time to give myself a boost after having a life full of abuse and self esteem issues. Finally felt like I was moving on and about to make things better for me. A bit of hope. Freedom, life, happiness.

And now I'm pregnant. And I feel awful as I was desperate for this for so long. I've had so many losses and been gutted every time.

I never, in a million years would ever believe I'd be in this position. And it's breaking me a little.

I'm so sorry OP. I know this was very much wanted, but you are entitled to change your mind. What you wanted six years ago may not be right now.

Have you told the father? What does he think? How old are your other kids? How do you think they would cope with a sibling?

@MNmonster I have. He very much wants it and would want to stay together. Would definitely see it as a way of keeping us together.
I'm unhappy and insecure in the relationship. He is incompetent in general, very much a mummy's boy whom does very little for himself and needs pointing out to him basic respectful things in a relationship with a objectifying past. I cannot see myself with him for much longer. These things have slowly been revealed through time.

I don't think they'd cope well with a sibling at all. They need a lot of support and it would split my attention too much.

I had come to the realisation a few months ago that the relationship needs to end and we didn't have a future. I had a plan (financial etc) to separate and I was 4 weeks away from it.

So sorry for the difficult position you find yourself in.

Only you know what is right for you. Of course you need to prioritise yourself and your children.

That sounds difficult

Could you book some counselling for some real life emotional support and help with clarifying the decisions.

I would have no hesitation in ending the pregnancy if I were you.
You will be tied to this man forever otherwise and it will be detrimental to yourself and your children IMO
but I appreciate it must be very difficult

please don't have an abortion i truly believe you will regret it

But of an unfair request on another human being whose decision will have no bearing on your life...

OP I was in a similar but not identical situation (in that my marriage was happy but I had only just had a much wanted baby and our family was complete after years of TTC) and I kept my miracle. It was hard and still is. I sometimes wonder about the life I would have had if it had gone the other way, but I spent a long time on it and I know I made the right choice for me and us.

Like other posters have said, there is no rush. Take your time on this, you are entitled to it and whatever decision you make. What I did was spend a few days with each outcome and for those days acted like the decision was made. How did it sit with me, how did I feel I could cope with it, was it right for me, would I be ok with that decision not just now but in the future, and - because of the years of TTC - would I want another baby in time and find that I had missed my chance.

Only you can decide so sending you a lot of thoughts tonight

You can end the relationship without ending the pregnancy so perhaps separate the two decisions so as not to cloud one with the other.

@Lexie365

I think your just in shock, dont rush into an abortion, once it's done it cant be undone. You wanted this baby for so long it truly is a miracle. You can do this, please don't have an abortion i truly believe you will regret it.

how the fuck would you know if she’d regret it or not? keep your anti choice bullshit to yourself

I'm so sorry you are in this situation.

Having had shock pregnancy 12 years ago, I went ahead with it and now have a wonderful child who I adore.

That said, the decision to continue on with the pregnancy during an abusive relationship that I knew was over has tied me to a certain kind of life. Sometimes I am resentful of it. There I said it. I love my kid, but it took so many years to even get close to happiness like I'd imagined it.

Many years later (recently) I found out I was pregnant. My instant gut reaction was terror, fear and total rejection of the pregnancy. I couldn't get over the life I was losing by welcoming another child into the world with a person who, if I'm honest, I'm not certain it will last with. You the mother will have to be the one to be there 100% of the time. I know dad's can be amazing, I know this. But mum's are there 100% of the time body and mind, and that is what you have to consider lovely.

You know deep down what the decisions are, trust yourself.

Best of luck x

Thinking of you, is there a way of keeping the baby and ending the relationship?

Or just have a totally clean break from him, and potentially have another baby at a later date with someone new

I think you need to talk it all over with someone

[quote Lexie365]@doingnothing I said I truly BELIEVE she will regret it , which considering she tried for years for a baby because she really wanted another child is highly likely[/quote]
You have NO idea do you? You think in very simple childish terms

How are you op

I can't do it, even if it would be for the best.
6 years of trying. Tests, surgery, injections, tears, multiple testing, grief after losses, hopelessness.
I cannot end a miracle pregnancy. Somehow this baby is here and strong.

Congratulations!! I wish a very healthy pregnancy♥️♥️