Another who didn’t think they’d ever be here

[Staryflight445]

I found out that I’m pregnant yesterday to say I’m scared would be an understatement.
I have 2 children already, our youngest is 4 and we are well over the baby stage. We had decided not to have anymore and we’re happy with that decision.

My husband has made it clear that he doesn’t want another baby, he’s nearly 40, we’ve just started to get our independence back and find our feet. I wanted to start a level 3 this year and was hoping to complete that and secure a uni place for September 2022, obviously this changes things.

I don’t know what to do? I don’t think I can go ahead with the pregnancy but I don’t think I can abort it either. I look at my children and feel so guilty for even contemplating abortion.

Where do you even start making such a huge decision?

I don’t have any answers for you but I am in the same position. I have 2 children already, youngest is also 4. I have an appointment with gynaecologist for a termination but not sure I can go through with it. Worried I will spend the rest of my life regretting it but also don’t think I could cope with another child, especially now things are beginning to get a little easier. It’s so difficult.

It’s so hard isn’t it. Do you know how far along you are?
I’m going to wait until Friday to make a decision and make first steps to do anything. You’re so strong making those first steps.

I think I’m about 9.5 weeks. I started the process weeks ago but it has taken this long to get an appointment unfortunately although it has given me more time to think about it. I still can’t make a decision either way. I’m out of time now. I feel like a termination is the right thing for me but I am so scared of regretting it, especially when I am much older and my children are grown. Will I always wonder “what if” and hate myself for being too weak to give it a go.

Don't assume you will regret it. I had to make this decision for my fourth pregnancy and I have no regrets. I couldn't have been a good parent to four children and I truly believe that going through with the pregnancy would have negatively impacted both my existing children and my marriage, not to mention the added cost which we would have struggled with. I just felt that to go through with the pregnancy would involve taking things away from my other three children, money, time, attention.

It was almost easier to make the decision because I had children already, I knew exactly what is involved in raising them and didn't want to have to go through all that again. Honestly I had to prioritise my existing children over the unborn one and I am glad I did. I felt no regret, just a huge sense of relief and a renewed appreciation of my family.

Good luck with your decisions.

Thanks @MotherQueenXeno, I needed to hear this.

That's fine, I am not saying it's an easy decision but I think we hear too much about the negative 'regret' side of it as people are more likely to post asking for help when they feel like that. Four years on for me now and I still know it was the right choice.

Hi, know exactly where you’re coming from - I have three teens and could never imagine aborting - until I found out I was pregnant again at 41. I’ve known two weeks and have my appt this Friday to get wheels in motion. I went through a whole host of emotions but, long story short, can you imagine yourself actually with a baby next spring? I simply couldn’t. We haven’t the room, the money and I’ve got a new job. Sometimes it helps to look at the bigger picture - how will it affect your family dynamic etc. It’s a horrible position to be in, it takes over and blindsides you, but I’m relieved I’ve now I’ve made my decision. Give yourself a bit of time to get your head around things and wishing you the very best in making your choice x

Hi,
I feel for you all. I had a termination in March. The mental health fall out has been huge for me but I have no children.

It was the right choice at the time but now I’m don’t know. It’s so incredibly difficult. However many many women have terminations and never glance back. It is so individual.

I’d recommend pre abortion counselling too.

Wishing you all the best going forward.xx

Thank you, I still don’t know what to do.

It’s heartbreaking

It’s a terrible situation to be in. But do what is right for you and your family. No judging yourself.

Like I say, pre abortion counselling allowed me to get a bit of clarity. I’d 100% recommend.

Take it easy. Be kind to yourself.
Thinking of you.xx

I've just been through a very similar situation, my kids are a bit older and I'm just about to go into my final year at uni.

It took me 2 attempts to go through with the termination so it was quite late when I actually ended the pregnancy which I think made it a bit worse tbh.

I'm at peace with my decision, I do have 'what if' moments but realistically I don't have money, space or the mental capacity to take on another child at this point in my life.

It's really hard and overall I just wish the pregnancy never happened, but it did and I made my choice.

Love to you xxxx

How are you @Staryflight445? Have you managed to make a decision? Don’t rush anything xx

I had my telephone consultation today and if it’s any consolation they are so so lovely and non judgmental. I have to go for scan on Monday as I took morning after pill then I get my meds straight after scan.

Good luck xxx

im edging slowly towards abortion, but I haven't fully decided yet.
im absolutely terrified though of the risk of the abortion itself, and I think ill need my husband to come to the bathroom with me as I do not wish to look at all.

thank you!
im glad you've found your clinic reassuring so far, I still haven't called mine yet

Thankyou, we have decided to keep the baby.

Thank you so much!
I just hope everything is ok with it now we have made this decision, I can’t imagine going through a loss after all of this.
Such a hard decision, but a completely personal one and I know some ladies in the same predicament have decided to terminate, that is honestly so brave.