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This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Pregnancy choices

41 and in a mess

17 replies

41whathaveudone · 06/08/2021 21:42

41 with three teenagers and happily married. Following a contraceptive failure and the morning after pill not working im now 6 weeks pregnant. This wasn’t planned and I don’t feel excited. I don’t even recognise myself for saying this.

After a week of indecision and long chats we both feel financially we aren’t in a good position. Our teenagers will be taking exams when a baby might be born. Neither of us ca n imagine starting over again. Had a minor heart abnormality in last pregnancy that resolved after birth - this scares me. I never ever thought I’d be in this position (always wanted to be a mum) yet here we are.

I think abortion is the way we are heading which in itself brings problems. I have health anxiety and I’m petrified that if I have a medical abortion I’ll have an anaphylactic shock. This sounds ridiculous as I’ve never had one but that’s how my brain works. If I went for surgical then I really can’t use local anaesthetic as I actually do react to it. Wouldn’t want a ga and sedation sounds like it would freak me out too as not in full control.

Im so cross that I’ve ended up in this position. I already have nausea etc. Im ringing Marie stopes in the morning.

Please can anyone run through the pros and cons of which abortion they opted for and why.

I wish I could turn back time.

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Plumtree391 · 06/08/2021 23:08

You need to discuss this thoroughly with a doctor. The sooner the better.

I do sympathise; I became pregnant by accident when I was over 40 but I miscarried - I hadn't even realised I was pregnant until then! It would have been a disaster for me so I was not sorry to miscarry. I made sure there were no more pregnancies.

It's an unpleasant situation to be in but a good obstetrician will be able to allay your fears about termination.

Flowers

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rainbowdashsneeze · 06/08/2021 23:18

My advise is do not ring Marie stopes they only offer sedation but if your GP refers you to local hospital they will have all options.

I had a medical abortion I thought it was successful but collapsed a couple of weeks later with sepsis. The baby hadn't come away & had become infected I ended up needing the surgical procedure too.

My advise the surgical option is less traumatic.

I was 25 when this happened & I'm 33 now.

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Plumtree391 · 07/08/2021 11:10

That's terrible rainbow, I can't begin to imagine the trauma.

It is however, thankfully, rare. It really should not have happened in these days of scans.

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41whathaveudone · 07/08/2021 18:25

Thank you for your replies. I will ring doctor on Monday

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loopyapp · 07/08/2021 19:03

If you have the surgical management you can opt to be sterilized too which will protect you from this again.

Im So sorry this is happening for you x

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Figgygal · 07/08/2021 19:08

I had a medical at 6 weeks
No issues at all - the bleeding wasn’t heavier than a period though lasted longer
Also through Marie stopes in an nhs hospital
Knew it was right thing for our family and never doubted decision
I’m 40 now and couldn’t imagine starting again and my youngest is only 5

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41whathaveudone · 07/08/2021 19:54

Thanks both, I’ve been a weeping mess all afternoon wishing this was a bad dream. Just need to sort it xx

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Logmein · 07/08/2021 20:00

@rainbowdashsneeze

My advise is do not ring Marie stopes they only offer sedation but if your GP refers you to local hospital they will have all options.

I had a medical abortion I thought it was successful but collapsed a couple of weeks later with sepsis. The baby hadn't come away & had become infected I ended up needing the surgical procedure too.

My advise the surgical option is less traumatic.

I was 25 when this happened & I'm 33 now.

Please take no notice of this MSI offer all forms of anaesthetic/ meds etc.
It also depends on what area you are in because a GP may have to refer you to MSI or BPAS.
You can ring either MSI or BPAS just for advise OP, you may have a wait but it would be worth speaking to one of the nurses who work on a daily basis. This is not something that they wouldn't have come across before.
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41whathaveudone · 07/08/2021 20:17

Thank you @Logmein I will speak and get the hall in motion. I’ve heard horror stories about different methods but hoping they are rare

it’s awful I had a miscarriage at 24 and I sorely wanted that pregnancy. All the wrong way around 👎😢

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Logmein · 07/08/2021 20:23

@41whathaveudone

Thank you *@Logmein* I will speak and get the hall in motion. I’ve heard horror stories about different methods but hoping they are rare

it’s awful I had a miscarriage at 24 and I sorely wanted that pregnancy. All the wrong way around 👎😢

You only hear the very tiny and rare amount of horror stories because they are so rare. Woman have these treatments every day with no complication or issue and so don't feel the need to tell people because they are healing, recovering, processing and getting moving forward etc.
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66babe · 08/08/2021 10:02

@41whathaveudone you will most likely find your GP will signpost you to Bpas or Msi or Nupas whichever your CCG awards the financial contract to
Please discuss your options with them .. depending on your medical history and gestation they will advise the pros and cons
You may not have as many options as you wish
For example - due to the fact we are still in a Pandemic - most providers are still defaulting to a medical if you are under 10 weeks and medically fit
This is because you come into contact with no one ...
Having a surgical means coming into contact with a minimal of 10-15 people in a visit
As the restrictions are all slowly being lifted that may change but it really does come down to your gestation and medical history
Another example .. a lady who has had 3 c sections and is only 5 weeks - should be advised a medical is a better option for her
A lady such as the previous poster who was unfortunate enough to have retained products which led to infection would be better with a surgical
Hope that helps , you will be fine with what you decide x

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Querty123456 · 08/08/2021 10:22

This was me recently except I don’t have any existing children. I was keen to have a surgical, especially as I’d delayed terminating trying to work out a way to feasibly keep the baby which meant I was 9 weeks by the time I terminated. However, no one could offer me that and it was medical only. I looked at going private but even that was hard to find and extremely expensive- upwards of £2000. The medical procedure was ok. I did find it upsetting because I did want to keep the baby and it was painful in the last hour before the pregnancy passed (I ended up having ibuprofen/ paracetamol and codeine). After that it was like a heavy period with manageable cramps and bleeding. The next day I was a bit tired and weak feeling but the day after I felt physically fine and could have gone to work if I hadn’t been on holiday. So in all, sadly I doubt you’ll have a choice but the medical termination was acceptable in terms of pain and bleeding even though as expected it was upsetting. I would also encourage anyone who’s thinking of having to go through this to make sure they realise the amount of waiting involved. It was 2 weeks between first contact with bpas and receiving the medication.

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41whathaveudone · 08/08/2021 10:53

Thank you both for replying. I also hadn’t realised the waits involved and I’ll be atleast 8 weeks now by time I get my meds. However I feel atleast for me I’ve now made the right decision. My sister will be with me also for support at home.

I’m allergic to codeine but I will ensure I have heat pads etc. I’m glad to hear yours went alright Querty as I’m very nervous xx

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Querty123456 · 08/08/2021 11:21

Heat pad helped but defo get the pain relief in early. I was a bit blasé about the pain aspect because I don’t often take pain killers but when I phoned the bpas aftercare line they said that it was more effective to take the pain relief before than after it had got really painful.

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66babe · 08/08/2021 11:22

I know totally irrelevant to you ladies but one of the reasons you have to wait is because of how busy it is
And yet every single day without fail our DNA rate is exceptionally high
The number of clients with Telephone Consultation who answer the phone and say
Oh I don't need you I have decided to continue the pregnancy - or
I went to MSI cause the appt was a day earlier
Or just hang up the phone on us , it's shocking
Everyone has the right to do both of the above examples but please just cancel and let someone else have the appt
You would never get away with that at a dentist / GP or hospital appt but there is nothing we can do
So frustrating

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41whathaveudone · 08/08/2021 11:37

Isn’t that shocking - surely a quick phonecall to say no thank you would save heartache for people who are desperately waiting for a consultation 😢

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41whathaveudone · 08/08/2021 11:37

Querty yes I’ll definitely keep on top of pain relief - thank you

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