So, yeah, It's happened. I am pregnant when I don't want to be. I don't want to talk about the emotions just yet. Not particularly had the time to feel them myself.
I think I'm opting for a medical termination. I'm 4 weeks at the moment. Hoping it can all be done with sooner rather than later. Have a telephone consult with a Nurse on Saturday. I just want it done. The wait is killing me. I feel so rough. I didn't feel this bad with my other three pregnancies. Maybe it's because back then, I looked at every single symptom as a positive. A healthy pregnancy. This time it's just a bit of a painful reminder. And I'm emetophobic and my health anxiety, as predicted, shot up a LOT with the whole Covid thing. It's barely managed at the moment. I know another pregnancy would kill me. Not physically but yeah ... you know. We said no more kids UNTIL i had straightened my brain out. But whoops.
I have two young kids at home though which is where my conundrum lies. I don't know when is best to take the doses. In the day and just ride it out despite them being all over me. Maybe the distraction of being a parent might help? Or in the evening, when they're asleep? But then I run into the risk of not getting any sleep myself and feeling like crap the next morning. I've had a miscarriage before and I think it all sounds like that really so I'm aware of the pain and the bleeding (Still freaked out by it) but this was pre-kids. I didn't have to think about wiping bums and getting snacks. I could easily lay in bed for days and just cocoon myself away.
Luckily I'm going to have their dad here with me so I'll have him to fall back on. But what did everyone else who also have kids decide on doing? How did it go for you?
Sorry, I know I sound callous. No doubt the floodgate is going to break at some point but right now, I'm just trying to get through this week. At least I won't have to contend with school runs during this. We can all hide away in the house.