I’m 23, 6wks pregnant and unsure about the pregnancy

[23preggo]

I’ve read some threads with women in similar situations and I’m really in need of some advice from people who are (or have been) in the same or similar position as I just feel extremely emotional atm and not sure what to do!

I’m 23 and have found out I’m 6weeks pregnant by my ex. I was on the depo injection and had a very short break from it which I’m going to guess is when I’ve conceived. I’ve known him for over 7 years and we were together for nearly 3 years but broke up last feb because of some infidelities. We have been trying to work past the issues caused since and have remained close but not in a relationship. Though the whole situation and our relationship feels more complex than what meets the eye. He has twins from a previous relationship and he’s talked before about how him and his ex’s relationship dramatically changed once they had their kids and ultimately led to break up.

He had always said he wants kids with me but also shared his concerns about having a baby in the future with me in case it changed our dynamic and in a sense, we lost each other. I’ve always reassured him that wouldn’t be the case but now we are being faced with pregnancy - it doesn’t seem like it’s something he’s 100% into though he’s said he will support me no matter what. He has voiced that going ahead with the pregnancy will change a lot, both in our own independent lives but also together & he isn’t sure it’s the right time so has suggested I abort.

I’ve always taken precautions with contraception so this was a genuine error on my part for breaking and now I’m faced with the ‘consequences’. I always thought I would abort a baby if both myself and partner were not 100% about it, but now I’m in the position an abortion doesn’t feel like something I want to do. I’m not sure if he feels how he does because he already has 2 kids or because of me.

I’ve always dreamed of having kids and doing so young, e.g early 20s so this somewhat feels like it’s meant to be but I’m just so unsure of what the ‘right thing’ to do is.

Do I try and speak with my ex again or is it this solely my decision if I decide to go ahead with the pregnancy? Also how long should I give myself to make a decision? I’ve only known I’m pregnant for a week but feel pressured (not by anybody but myself tbh) to decide if I’m going to go ahead with the pregnancy.

Also my boobs feel like stone rocks and hurt a lot when I take my bra off on a night - is this normal!?

Would really appreciate any advice xxx

I didn't want to read and run, but it is your body and your choice no matter what you decide. It is also extremely normal to get that positive test and go into panic mode. I had wanted a child for years and thought I couldn't conceive, yet when I got my positive test the first thing I did was call the abortion clinic. I'm glad they made me wait because after talking through my concerns I realised I was making a knee jerk reaction.

You will make the right decision for you x

Hello, I would say it is entirely your decision, but one that you should make in the full knowledge that the chances are you will be going it alone. I wouldn’t say this is someone you can rely on long term, so I personally wouldn’t even consider his presence in your decision. Very best of luck
Boobs are totally normal!

Having a baby is entirely your decision, your ex can decide if he wants to be involved or not but he can not decide if you grow and give birth to the baby. Please don’t ever think that it is anyone else’s decision other than yours.

I’ve had an abortion and although I still believe it was the best choice in a bad situation not a day goes past that I don’t regret it. It hugely impacted my mental health and left me feeling a huge loss and now that I’m pregnant again I think about the abortion more than ever. This isn’t saying that you will feel like this but I think it’s important to bare in mind.

Ultimately it’s your choice and you shouldn’t have anyone tell you what to do either way and if you want to keep the baby you are allowed to be happy and enjoy it! Xx

Don't rest too much weight on words he says now. It's not him who will have to live with most of the consequences of this.

Accept you'll probably be doing it alone.

I was in this situation a little younger than you and despite lots of hard times I wouldn't change a thing.

Hugs OP.

Like others have said, it sounds like you need to factor this as if you’ll be alone. If you can do that, and want to do that, then that tells you enough.

I had a termination several years ago when I was in my 20’s. It was just not the right time, even though I was with my now DH, and I have never regretted it. It was hard to deal with immediately post as the hormones mess you up but ultimately it was the right choice.

Do you think it would be best to make an appointment to speak with a pregnancy counsellor? At the moment I feel like I’m battling with my own head x

I’m just worried I’d be viewed as naive and maybe even incapable if I willingly go ahead with this, with the possibility being so high of being a single mum. I know lots of women are and do the best they can but I’m just worried of thinking too selfishly x

I had counselling to help me make the decision and I remember the woman saying to me that every person could list a million reasons not to have a child but that if you really want it, you'll make it work.

Aside from any huge mental health or disability issues that make you incapable - no matter what your situation is you CAN make this work. Don't be blind to the difficulties that lay ahead, and don't bank on any help from dad, but know you can do this if you want it

There are lots of really happy ,very capable single mums out there
It's your decision darling , please don't base that on what he advised you as ( I say this kindly ) 6 months later he could be gone
It's your body , your life , do what suits you
If you do have family or friends you can rely on please reach out to them and see how good your support network is with either decision
Good luck 💐

Thank you so much - I guess that really is true and applicable to so much in life, if you really want something you’ll make it work. Thank you again

Thank you for your comment - I’m honestly overwhelmed there’s such lovely people on here who have been through similar things and are now supporting others . I guess I really need to have a think about what I want, opposed to thinking of worst care scenarios - I definitely don’t want to rush into anything and later regret it, I really don’t think I could mentally cope with it.
I’ll pop you a PM now - thank you so much x