Don’t know where else to turn as there is no one that I can talk to.
I had a termination in February. It took from when I found out (3+5) to 11+3 to make that decision, including 3 face to face BPAS appointments - where I walked out each time - and a few counselling sessions.
I didn’t want to do it. In my heart of hearts I knew at the time it was the wrong decision for me but I knew my partner wanted me to do it so I went ahead for that reason.
I regret it deeply. It hurts and breaks my heart daily. None of my friends or family knew that I was pregnant as we are at a stage of our lives where it would be completely acceptable to have a baby, stable careers, own our house and committed relationship. I wanted to keep the baby, desperately but my partner didn’t. He said he’d support me but I felt he’d resent me if I’d gone ahead. Now the opposite has happened and I resent him for allowing me to go ahead with it.
I can’t talk to him as whenever I do he has nothing to say. Says he doesn’t know what to say to me. I feel so alone. I’m a midwife myself and find work torturing.
I just don’t know what to do or how to move on and learn to live with this rather than feeling low and down all the time. I don’t really know why I’ve posted this but just feel alone.