Hello
I am currently 8 months post partum. This baby took ten years to conceive and needed fertility treatment to have this baby. I really struggled postpartum with depression and anxiety (also had a traumatic birth that ended in emcs) and have only just started bonding with baby.
As fate has it i have just found out i am 5 weeks pregnant. i was devastated and heartbroken to say the least.
I have booked an appointment with bpas on Thursday about a termination.
Cant shake off this feeling that i am being selfish. That i am just about coping with current baby and i am worried that having a second baby will push me off the edge, that i should power through and put babies first and not myself. That this isnt justifiable to get rid of a baby
I did not plan a second child or want one. I had always pictured myself with one (even though others normally want a family of 2+). I had already planned out a future of me and my daughter and giving her everything i can.
Having this baby would mean leaving work as cannot afford the cost of two children in childcare. It would mean living off one salary and savings.
I also feel my body is still recovering from major surgery and massive weight gain and not ideal time for a pregnancy. I am not sure if i am just looking for excuses as i am scared
Just feel so muddled in my thoughts.