Had an abortion

[Username7383]

I found out I was pregnant around February and decided to have an abortion for various reasons, and I still feel it was the right decision. Since then though I keep getting emotional whenever I see babies or children and think about what could have been.
My older brother just announced that he and his wife are expecting, I'm so happy for them but also a little sad. I've only told my mum in my family about what happened, my brothers aren't exactly comfortable with emotional moments so they don't know.
I wish that my pregnancy had been a happy occasion instead of unexpected and unwelcome by others. (This isn't why I had the abortion)
I'm missing out on so many experiences I would have had with my baby, and honestly I miss it.
I needed to get all of these feelings out because I don't feel ready to talk about with anyone yet. I'm just sad that I couldn't have what they have. I will in the future but that doesn't mean I haven't lost something.

Hi Op, writing about your emotions gives your thoughts a chance to make some sense and order out of them, you're doing the right thing getting support here. It's hard to just brush those feelings off, I think an abortion is definitely allowed to feel like a loss you know... Allow yourself to be sad and hold onto hope that one day you will be pregnant in a completely different set of circumstances where a baby will be welcomed, wanted and very, very loved. Sending you a big hug, it's ok to feel the way you do! Xx

P.s.you sound like a thoughtful and pragmatic person, glad your mum knows about it, it could be harder if it was a total secret I think. Take a deep breath and smile at yourself in the mirror, you did the right thing in the past and the future doesn't have to be tainted by it at all.

You did what you had to do at the time and I think it’s totally normal to feel the way you do.

I still feel sad decades later when I think about the choice I made but the reality is that sometimes life is cruel and you have to make the best of a hard hand you’ve been dealt. I made a hard decision but it was for the best for us all.

The fact you’re letting your feelings out here is good. You will be ready to talk at some point. Perhaps sooner than you thought. Talking helped me.

Ps I’m not overly sad now as I console myself with the knowledge that it was the right choice. Time makes it easier.

Thank you both for the responses. I'm so envious of my sister in law for having the experience that i couldn't, that I feel guilty. Looking forward to when I can do it all in the future, just wish it was sooner.

I felt guilty for a long time but I shouldn’t have.

You did what you did for a reason, for me it was as I was financially and mentally not able to support a baby and give him/her the good life id wish for them at the time as I was young.

I don’t feel guilty as I made the decision in good faith for the best putting the baby’s needs for something I was unable to give at the time, before my own wishes to have a baby.

The decision was made with a lot of thought and I know in my heart it was the right one.

If that’s familiar don’t feel guilty. You’ve done what you did for the good of the baby.

One day you will be ready and prepared in all ways and the timing will be right and all will be good.

It was counselling that got me over the guilt hurdle. I felt that I deserved to feel the pain and the guilt for years. Decades in fact

I wish I’d gone to counselling earlier as it helped a lot. You cry for a while but then you feel better.

I’m sorry you were in the situation that you had to make the same choice as me but I hope you don’t wait as long as I did to get round to talking. It does help. Honestly. You don’t need to feel guilt. I understand that now. I’ll always feel sad when I think on that time but it was a sound decision made with head not heart for the best.

Thank you everyone for the supportive messages and advice. I've got a lot of support around me so I think it'll just be over time that this sadness eases. I'm glad I don't regret it though as I can imagine that would make things 100x worse. I'm just trying to look toward the future when my brother has his baby and I am ready to have my own