Earlier this year I had a medical abortion for an unplanned pregnancy and I couldn’t have gotten through it without reading the experiences shared on this thread. I vowed once I got through it I’d share mine in the hope it could help someone else in the same position. So here goes;
When I found out I was pregnant it was a total surprise and from the second I saw the positive test it was as if my brain flipped and I was beyond terrified, severely depressed and at times suicidal. My DH was thrilled but I just couldn’t get over the sheer terror and knew I couldn’t go through with it. I have extreme health anxieties and the thought of birth was terrifying, let alone having to potentially give birth alone due to covid restrictions.
I called my GP immediately who basically spoke to me like I was an idiot and offered little support. I then self referred to BPAS and was offered a telephone consultation the next week. That week of waiting was the hardest and longest week of my life. I was terrified, but also riddled with guilt and shame for the decision I’d come to. I was also nervous about the phone consultation and if I’d be refused the option of having the tablets at home.
But I needn’t have worried - I spoke to a lovely supportive nurse who talked me through everything and I was able to collect the tablets from a nearby clinic the next day. I was so relieved about this as I was worried about the postal delays and ending up further along in my pregnancy than I needed to be.
I took the first tablet straight away as I just wanted to start this process and have it over with ASAP. First tablet was fine - no sickness or reactions at all and I just felt relief that I was on track to ending this whole situation.
24 hours later I was ready for the next lot of
tablet. I was so frightened as I’d read all kinds of experiences on here but my mind was racing with the bad ones... hemorrhaging, ending up in hospital, remaining pregnant etc. I inserted the 4 tablets vaginally and cramping started two hours later, with some blood when I wiped. At the three hour mark I felt the urge to go to the toilet and passed the pregnancy. This didn’t hurt at all, but I knew it had passed as I felt more significant than just a blood clot. Shortly after my body felt a bit tingly and strange and I had diarrhea. I inserted the final 2 tablets and about half an hour later I passed a large blood clot.
I called the aftercare line just for some reassurance and was comforted by how reassuring and supportive they were. The cramping died down after this and for the next week I had light to medium bleeding. At no point was the bleeding excessive, or flooding pads. It was manageable and just like a period on the first couple of days.
The next day or so I just felt wiped out and exhausted but I really think this was also due to fact my body had been in high anxiety mode for a week.
During the second week I passed small clots into the toilet but the bleeding died off.
I was relieved to finally get the negative test at 3 weeks and 5 weeks to the day my period returned. As I was expecting this period was heavier than normal and contained a lot of clots - but nothing significant to worry about.
Overall the process was straightforward but by far the worst part is the mental turmoil and the waiting. I’m at peace with my decision as I know it was right at the time but I’m still deeply saddened that I couldn’t mentally go through with the pregnancy and feel so sad for what could have been. I really do hope to have a child one day but I’m terrified of being pregnant and need to find some help to work through this.
I hope my ramble can bring some assurance to anyone in a similar position. You are definitely not going through this alone and you will be ok. Try not to focus on the horror stories like I did and hopefully take comfort from my experience. 