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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

To ask for a hand hold please. I'm terrified.

23 replies

1Veggysaurus · 22/05/2021 23:46

Sorry to post here, I just really need to talk to someone.
I noticed this evening that I've started bleeding in-between my period which is very unusual for me, has never happened before. My period finished last week but I did notice it was only a couple of days long and pretty light. I've been on the copper coil for the last 4 years but decided to do a pregnancy test anyway as I had a couple left over from a previous pregnancy scare last year.
I've just taken the test and it's positive.
I'm freaking out and absolutely terrified.
I suffer with chronic migraines which have been bad lately so I have taken a lot of Rizatriptan and other painkillers a lot for the last month or so. I haven't been looking after myself well at all so I'm scared this baby won't be healthy.
I never planned to have another baby hence being on the coil.
I have a 4 year old son with ASD, I am already struggling to cope with just looking after him as it is very full on, hard work. My partner has 2 children, my step children, one who also has SN.
We absolutely cannot have another child.
I'm terrified and I don't know what to do.

OP posts:

Insidelaurashead · 22/05/2021 23:49

Hi OP, here to offer a handhold. It sounds like you've found out early, and you have options. I had a termination in the past and, for me, at that time, it was the right decision. It may or may not be for you, and that's fine. Have you spoken to DP yet or do you think you need a bit of time in your own head first?

QuestionableMouse · 22/05/2021 23:50

You have options. You don't have to keep a pregnancy that you don't want.

The first thing to do is book an appointment to find out how far along you are and go from there. That's a job for Monday so for tonight have a drink and try to get some sleep.

LittleGreenGoblin · 22/05/2021 23:57

Please get yourself to your GP next week OP as falling pregnant with an IUD in situ can increase your risk of ectopic pregnancy!

If it is a viable pregnancy, then please remember it's your choice what to do with your own body and nobody should pressure you or make you feel guilty

Original poster

1Veggysaurus · 23/05/2021 00:02

Thank you for your replies. I just feel so awful and so sad as I know I'm going to have to terminate. It sounds awful but I couldn't take the risk of having another child with SN. I love my son more than anything but life is so hard due to his special needs. I am his carer, I can't work as I need to be available to look after him all the time as pre-school can't cope with him for more than a few hours. This has seriously impacted my mental health as I feel so isolated and lonely being stuck at home most of the time. I understand that the chance of having a second child with special needs is higher if you already have one with special needs and if they are also a boy.
Sorry, I'm rambling on and I don't mean to offend anyone. This is nothing against anyone with special needs, I just know that I would not be able to cope doing it all again.
I'm just terrified about a termination and how that will affect my mental health. I know its the only option for me but its something I never wanted to have to do.

OP posts:

pointythings · 23/05/2021 00:07

What a very difficult situation to be in. You've found out early so you have options - visit to your GP first, given that you have a copper coil in.

If you do decide to terminate, and I think that would probably be best, please look into accessing some counselling to help you cope with it. You deserve that after the rough ride life has given you.

Shoppingwithmother · 23/05/2021 00:27

Please don’t worry. Contrary to what every TV drama, novel, article seems to suggest, it is perfectly possible to have a termination for your own good reasons, without it adversely affecting your mental health at all. Lots of people have terminations and don’t spend even one second of their lives regretting it. If it’s the best thing for you, that’s absolutely fine. I hope your partner will support you fully in this.
If you know now what you want to do, then the sooner you do it the more options are available to you and the easier it is, both physically and mentally.
I hope it all goes well, whatever you decide.

Original poster

1Veggysaurus · 23/05/2021 00:39

Thank you. I know termination is the right option for me as I don't feel at all like having another baby is an option for me. It wouldn't be fair on my son as he needs constant one to one care, it wouldn't be fair on the baby as they would be born into a life were I am having to give so much care to their sibling and also the chances of them having SN as well is too great. I've also been taking medications for my migraines and don't know what effects that could have on a fetus. Should I wait until Monday to contact about this as I have the coil fitted? I'm worried it could be an ectopic pregnancy as I'm having some painful cramps now. Could be having a miscarriage?

OP posts:

Hazylazy · 23/05/2021 00:48

I completely agree with @Shoppingwithmother
Having a termination was absolutely the best thing for me and my other children. I knew that I wouldn’t have been able to mentally and physically cope, nor be the mother that they needed,
Honestly, I have never had a single regret about putting my needs and their needs first, just pure relief that I could have a safe, early, legal abortion,

Definately · 23/05/2021 00:49

If you have been bleeding this evening it is possible that the pregnancy is ending naturally, have you got pain relief in? I'd give EPU a ring tomorrow, some of them don't open at weekends though but even if you only get through to the maternity ward a midwife will give you advice on when you need to be seen and who you need to be seen by

nina3638 · 23/05/2021 01:03

i had a surgical termination at 8 weeks a few years ago. i was sure it would affect my mental health a lot, but it didn’t bother me unless i was very drunk and emotional tbh. all id say is if you’re choosing that, please phone sooner rather than later as i had to wait 2 weeks for an appointment which is a very long time when you just want something over and done with

Justbeenjabbed · 23/05/2021 01:17

you poor thing. If you are in pain you could call 111 and see what they advise?

Original poster

1Veggysaurus · 23/05/2021 01:27

I will ring 111 in the morning I think just to seek advice regarding the fact that I have a coil and am having painful cramps. If they can't do anything I will ring GP on Monday to be put in touch with whoever I need to regarding the termination. I know its the right thing to do. Just so sad I've ended up in this situation. I really tried to be responsible and avoid this ever happening, you know? But like they say, no contraception is 100% effective. My first pregnancy happened when I was on the pill as well.

OP posts:

SadieCow · 23/05/2021 03:12

Oh goodness, poor you.

I'm a little concerned that you're bleeding it may be ectopic due to the coil, please keep a very close eye on yourself.

If it is viable, you've got options.

FrozenVag · 23/05/2021 03:26

Sorry OP that sounds rough and so upsetting for you

I was so scared about having a second child with autism that I had my tubes tied! So, nothing wrong with thinking that way at all, maybe something to consider for you in the future. It’s very liberating indeed

Original poster

1Veggysaurus · 23/05/2021 06:40

@FrozenVag Thank you for this. Sometimes I feel guilty for feeling so strongly about it and worry that others won't understand. But it has been a very difficult four years with my son and I don't think I have it in me to do it all again if a second child was to have SN.

OP posts:

sqirrelfriends · 23/05/2021 06:43

Oh op, you have nothing to feel guilty for. You need to do what's best for yourself and your son.

Original poster

1Veggysaurus · 23/05/2021 08:25

@sqirrelfriends Thank you. I think the shock is starting to wear off now and I feel a bit more level headed. I just really wasn't expecting a positive test result. I did it just to rule it out but wasn't expecting anything so to find it positive came as a big shock and sent my emotions all over the place.

OP posts:

Katew6483 · 26/05/2021 17:15

Hi all
New to here but also need some hand holding right now and didn’t know how to start a Jew thread it’s a day after my medical abortion. Told I feel light headed of this morning i am not bleeding heavily just not sure what to do ?

Original poster

1Veggysaurus · 27/05/2021 15:08

@Katew6483 Sorry I can't offer any useful advice but I would say to contact the clinic/hospital if there is anything you are worried about or if you have any questions. I hope you feel better soon.

To update on my situation, I went to the EPU for a scan which showed no pregnancy in the womb or the tubes. A blood test showed low HCG levels so most likely the bleeding I am experiencing is a miscarriage. Follow up bloods today confirmed that my hormones have returned to pre pregnancy levels so the pregnancy ended naturally. I had the coil removed today and need to find a new method of contraception.

OP posts:

Laiste · 27/05/2021 15:49

1Veggysaurus this must be such a relief!

@@Katew6483** near the top of the page there will be a 'start a new thread' option.
You click that, add your title and post. :)
Hope you are feeling better today.

Laiste · 27/05/2021 15:50

Sorry made a mess of that!

@Katew6483

Original poster

1Veggysaurus · 27/05/2021 16:27

@Laiste Yes, huge relief for me and a sense of peace that life took care of the situation naturally so I didn't have to make the difficult decision.

OP posts:

pointythings · 27/05/2021 17:01

So glad mother nature took over and saved you from having to make that hard choice. I wish you all the very best and a speedy recovery.

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