Regret?! Scared?!

[laurasmith11]

I'm 24 and always wanted to be a mother.
In January I have had a miscarriage at 12 w 6 d and now I found out Im pregnant again ( 6w 3 d).
This is my 4th pregnancy and still no baby.
I always had anxiety and depression and I have been extremely sick and I really regret trying for a baby with my boyfriend he also wants a child a lot, we both have jobs and renting a flat. Have lot of baby items already mostly gifted from previous pregnancy...
I just have been so sick vomiting everyday I really regret this I am having doubts I dont want people to look down on me, what if I will eventually in years time we will separate with my boyfriend etc. I just imagined I would be married and owning a house and having a dream job but I really dont want to work to be honest I wanna look after my kids(not existing yet). But I am so scared and I don't really have friends or family, no such support system. Im more of an antisocial person anyway. I feel really lost and confused and very very sick and tired and I just lay down all day and nothing makes sense anymore and I feel so overweight (im 5'6 and i weight 84kg).
I just don't understand whats going on I feel like i am the host in my own body 😞
My boyfriend is nice but he has weed issues he said he will give it up he only smokes at bedtime but im just having doubts and I already told family members etc that i was pregnant and happy and I just don't understand. I dont know if i want to be a mom or not or if i want to be a mom at all now

Your boyfriend doesn't sound as though he is going to be much help. Most girls and women want a baby, it is perfectly natural, but it's better if you have a stable partner who not only makes a financial contribution but co-parents.

From what you've said, not working is part of your desire to be a mother but how would you manage financially if you gave up work? It's also not always wonderful being at home all day with children and being dependent on a partner for money.

You could perhaps find a job that is more fulfilling than your present one. That would really make a difference.

How does your partner feel about having babies right now, is he the type to step up and does he intend to marry you?

I'm not going to advise you what to do but I do not believe your current situation is an enviable one.

Please think very carefully.

This is not the man to have babies with, at your age especially.

Are you able to start saving money now? I think you need to start working towards it, saving some money now so you have some back up.

The last thing you want is to be unmarried and financially dependent on a weed smoking disinterested man.

Hi hun. How’re you doing today? It sounds like you might really want to be a mom but you have some issues what with the boyfriend and being sick all the time. And having anxiety and depression already doesn’t help because it makes things seem so much worse than they really are. I know, I’ve been there.

But I think you’d make a really great mom, even if things don’t work out quite as you expected. Although it doesn’t seem like the right time, sometimes you just have to take a chance. Life isn’t perfect and things don’t always work out the way you want them to. But, sometimes, they work out even better! I know it certainly did for me! If you want, I can tell you my story later.

But on to your situation! There is help for both the anxiety and depression as well as the nausea and vomiting. With the sickness, it may disappear after a while but, if not, a doctor can prescribe medication which will help with it. And, if you want, I could give you some tips a friend of mine used to help with it. Also, there are medications you can take for the anxiety and depression even while pregnant. My friend’s doctor prescribed one for her and she felt ever so much better. And it is safe to take with pregnancy. Her children are doing just fine.

I don’t know if your boyfriend will really stop with the weed, but, even if you find yourself a single mom, you can still work it out. I know I did and many others like me. There is so much help out there for single moms.

Here is one source for help:

www.gingerbread.org.uk/what-we-do/contact-us/helpline/

Have a look into Sure Start support too. With this organisation, DBS-checked volunteers come and help you with your baby and with everything. They work with single parents and all sorts of people who need a bit of assistance, who might have depression, etc. Go to www.gov.uk/find-sure-start-childrens-centre

I certainly don’t judge you for your choice and, in the end, it is of course up to you to decide what is best.

I hope this will help you out I will be keeping you in my thoughts and hope that you would let me know how you are doing. Take care and best of luck. xx