Abortion advice

[Chezzerz]

I hope I am doing this right as I have not posted on here before.

Hello everyone, I found out I’m pregnant today. I should be happy but I am conflicted.

I have 2 kids (one DD From a previous relationship, I am really good friends with her dad but we were too young to make it work) And another DD (18m) from my current disastrous relationship.

I was single parent for a long time, met my current partner and he was a godsend in the beginning. We had an amazing relationship and I got pregnant after a while of us being together. He went through something traumatic in my pregnancy and ever since has just been extremely difficult to deal with and just not very nice, I have tried to understand and be there got him but there is only so much I can take. I struggle financially now because of his lack of help (I was financially stable before him). He helps here and there financially but nowhere near what is reasonable although we live in the same house, he actually has savings but we don’t see them. We argue constantly and it’s just not a healthy environment (it is not blazing rows but there is nothing we can agree in anymore even if it is the simplest issue, it’s like we are now two different people but we were once so in sync). I was actually planning to leave him at the end of the month but I’ve just found out about this pregnancy.

Fortunately I have a forged a successful career for myself and although I will be leaving my current job shortly as it is no longer compatible with my family life, I have good job prospects moving forward.

The plan was to leave him, remain amicable for the baby but set my new life up for myself and my children. Now this baby just changes things. I definitely want to leave him he’s not for me at all and this relationship Is horrendous. And I am 99.9% sure that I want an abortion. He would be extremely unhappy if he found out so I would probably have to hide it from him but that makes me feel awful. He usually is the one who lies (he recently cheated and also gave me an infection to add insult to injury) and I feel like I’m as bad as him if I don’t tell him but also I feel like if I told him it would result in a barrage of arguments and judgement from him and his family. I feel trapped.

Please don’t judge me and I hope I don’t offend anyone but I feel super alone and don’t have anyone to turn to. I just want to run! Ideally if he was the man I thought he was to begin with I would keep the baby happily but I’m struggling with our DD who has just started somewhat sleeping through the night and he doesn’t come home until late and is unpleasant when he is here and not the most helpful, it’s like having another child!

Any advice would be appreciated, my life is a mess right now, only good thing is my children and career, I want to be free.

Hi hun it sounds like you have a lot going against you and that a baby would make your situation so difficult.

I had a medial abortion 2 weeks ago, and whilst I felt dreadful for what I was doing, I knew I had to do it.

I see everything from both sides of the fence, I’ve had precious MC’s before my children were born, and my sister is going through IVF, so I know the heartbreak some people go through to have a baby, but you have to remember it has to be right for you and the others in your family.

We sat down and discussed the situation; I’m 42 husband almost 47 - we have 2 teenage children - he has a high pressured job - and we don’t have another bedroom. Physically after already having children I’m not sure how my body would have coped, I never felt pregnant with my lost babies or my teenagers until well in 7-8 weeks...with this pregnancy I was struggling at 4.5 weeks. That was enough for us to know we couldn’t do it and I know our decision was right. It wouldn’t have been fair on any of us, especially the baby as I struggle for time to myself let alone another person. My children always want taking here and there, and after school clubs; the list is endless. Plus as teenagers they’re into hiking, fishing, kayaking etc and I don’t know how I would have given them the quality of life they have and enjoy with a baby too. All jokes aside but certainly can’t put a baby in a kayak! I didn’t want my children to have to change their lives, the ages gap would have been so hard.

Although my circumstances are different to yours, what I’m trying to say is, if it’s not right, it’s not right and you have so much to consider about the long term. I never judge but it sounds like your partner isn’t for you, and it sounds like you know that too. We shouldn’t treat those we love like that and we shouldn’t be treated that way either.

I’ve never taken any shit from my husband and I wouldn’t either! And vice versa. Love and respect come hand in hand.

Whatever you choose to do, just know there are so many ladies on here full of support and advice, if you are early on in the pregnancy you will be able to have the abortion at home. Mine was relatively pain free and quick.

I never made easy work out of it, I knew what I was doing, and I felt horrible as a person, but I just had to keep looking at my life and knowing it would not have worked. As odd as it sounds, I was thinking of the baby more than anything. I’m not saying being an older parent is a problem, but when you have already raised two, to then have a teenager at 60 would just be so hard!

Good luck to you, here if you need anything x

Thank you so much. I really feel awful last night but I thought of the long term and the abortion is the best thing to do. It would be unfair to bring another baby in to this mess.

Good luck to you also and thanks again!!

That’s all you can do is think of the long term. Our second child was a surprise pregnancy but at the time I was young and we had the room etc. Sometimes life throws surprises and the reality is as much as they may be a blessing; they’re sometimes not. You sound like you have a sensible head but that doesn’t always mean it’s as easy for the heart. Keep us posted how your doing and private message anytime if you need any help or an ear to bend 🤍

All you can do is what’s best for you and the children you already have. Whether or not you go ahead with this pregnancy, it does sound as though you’d be better off out of this relationship. If it will make life easier for you then don’t tell him, he doesn’t particularly have a right to know if he will just use it as another thing to beat you with.
Good luck!

Think of yourself, he currently offers you no help so another a baby is just going to add the agg.
Build your life back up for your two kids and yourself.
He doesn’t need to know.
Sending hugs 💐