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Might be pregnant again after termination

12 replies

Mummyto3GBG · 08/04/2021 14:10

Had a termination in November and suffered mentally and physically since. The reason I had it was I was worried about a high risk pregnancy And the kids I already had but I suffer from severe health anxiety so I panicked. I’ve had that much irregular bleeding episodes and pelvic pain since thinking my wombs not gone back to how it was I don’t know...crying to my GP most days telling her how much I regret it and now I’m infertile and asking her for a hysterectomy. I’ve been through a bit of a breakdown and been off work. I came off the pill as I wanted to see what happened with the bleeding issues incase it was masking issues....also had sex for the first time since the termination a couple of weeks ago (obvs id thought I was infertile so didn’t consider pregnancy) and now I think I’m pregnant again, that or I still have tissue left from November?? The Gp is going to do a blood test tomorrow, I honestly feel like I could have made a messy situation even messier. I don’t even know how to feel about either, I just feel numb over it all, the thought of terminating again seems impossible after how it’s affected me but the dread and anxiety I have of another pregnancy seems impossible. I feel I will miscarry and I feel I deserve that too though....I feel utterly horrendous that I terminated a much wanted baby and now here I am again and just want that baby back so bad....any words of advice? I realise how much of an idiot I look but I’m down enough as it is about the whole sorry situation I’m in so I’m not really looking for judgemental comments even though I realise I deserve them.

OP posts:
Youmakemyheartgogiddyup · 08/04/2021 14:19

I think you're being really hard on yourself, First thing to do is to confirm whether you are actually pregnant.
Once you know for sure you can go from there, were you offered any support after your termination?
I had one at a Marie stopes clinic and I'm pretty sure they had a number to call if I needed any support. It sounds like you could benefit from talking to somebody as it comes across that your mind is racing at 100mph and you're working yourself up.
You've done nothing wrong and regretting a termination isn't unusual.
Have you got anyone in real life to speak to, a partner or close friend?
You don't sound like an idiot at all you sound like someone who is overwhelmed and worried.

Mummyto3GBG · 08/04/2021 14:35

Thanks, the gp has referred me to all sorts of services to help, honestly I felt at breaking point last week with the pelvic pain I was getting, I was begging them for a hysterectomy and telling them how I’ve thrown away my chance of another baby and now i think I’m pregnant. I’ve done tests and they’re positive but my period isn’t actually due till this weekend. My partner and my family are going to be so angry if I am, I’ve hardly spoken in weeks to them I’ve been such a mess. Since the termination I’ve looked at pregnant women and friends having babies and wished it was me and thought I can’t believe I threw that away out of fear but yet when I’m faced with the same I have a breakdown and think I’m going to die and I feel exactly the same this time if I am. The idea of the baby excites me but the thought of pregnancy and complications scares me so much.

OP posts:
TKL04 · 08/04/2021 16:29

@Mummyto3GBG
Not much to offer in the way of advice but just wanted to send you a hug. I have also been suffering with horrendous anxiety and racing thoughts. It's exhausting and at one point I even convinced myself I was going to die.

Did you have much anxiety about your termination?

Hopefully your GP can get to the bottom of what's going on and it's something much more simple than our anxiety would have us believe.

Thinking of you xxx

Mummyto3GBG · 08/04/2021 18:37

[quote TKL04]@Mummyto3GBG
Not much to offer in the way of advice but just wanted to send you a hug. I have also been suffering with horrendous anxiety and racing thoughts. It's exhausting and at one point I even convinced myself I was going to die.

Did you have much anxiety about your termination?

Hopefully your GP can get to the bottom of what's going on and it's something much more simple than our anxiety would have us believe.

Thinking of you xxx

[/quote]
Thanks @TKL04 I’m certain it’s a new pregnancy now I’ve done another test and the more I do the darker they get. I feel like through all the anxiety and worry and sadness of the termination I’ve become lost and now I’m in the same situation as I was and I’ve let everyone down. I don’t even want to think about speaking to my Gp tomorrow, she’s honestly been so good to me and now I just feel like I’ve wasted all her time cz I’m back where I started. Everytime she spoke to me she told me she was more concerned about my mental health rather than physical health and it’s only now I’m starting to see she was right that half of it must have been in my head...but doesn’t help me with my anxiety surrounding another pregnancy...feel like I’m just moving from one thing to the next 😢 x

OP posts:
Noodella18 · 08/04/2021 23:16

@Mummyto3GBG sorry you're feeling like this. I think that your gp is right that you need to be focusing on your mental health right now - do not worry about anything to do with 'letting people down', it's quite clear that you're going through a crisis at the moment. Have you considered going onto some medication for your anxiety? I took sertraline throughout pregnancy and beyond and it was life changing xx

Mummyto3GBG · 09/04/2021 11:12

They’ve done bloods this morning, doctor will ring me later with the results but I already know she’s going to say it’s a new pregnancy....after a clear blue the other day said “not pregnant”...today it says “pregnant 1-2weeks”....it all coincides with the one time I’ve had sex too. I want the baby Just as I did last time but the idea of another pregnancy scares me and fills me with so much anxiety which is what drove me to terminate last time only that option scares me now too. What an idiot I am.

OP posts:
Noodella18 · 09/04/2021 14:31

You're not an idiot at all. Did you talk to the gp about your anxiety? Did they suggest any medication? It really does sound like it could help xx

Mummyto3GBG · 09/04/2021 14:40

Thanks @Noodella18 I had been put on sertraline but cz of my health anxiety I was worried about symptoms and couldn’t work out if they were just due to the pills or if I was actually poorly 🤦🏼‍♀️ So I came off them, sorry I know it sounds stupid I’ve had a bit of a breakdown recently since the termination and keep thinking it’s completely messed up my body but obvs just had a big wake up call this morning now I’m pregnant again so it obviously hasn’t but it doesn’t exactly help me with the anxiety I have cz I feel in an impossible situation now. I don’t feel like I could have another termination but the thought of another pregnancy also feels impossible. The idea of another baby at the end tho....fine with that. X

OP posts:
TKL04 · 09/04/2021 16:40

@Mummyto3GBG
You are definitely not an idiot.
I was on sertraline for a while and looks like i might end up back on it 😅 but honestly it worked wonders. I won't lie - in the first week I felt very anxious and worried about side effects and how it would affect me at work but after I got passed that first week I was fine on it. It helped me to halve it and take 25mg and work up to it that way.
Your GP will definitely not have seen your appointments as a waste of time. Mental health is just as important as physical.

Are you going to have any bloods to confirm if this is a new pregnancy?

You are stronger than you realise OP. Honestly. Xx

TKL04 · 09/04/2021 16:40

Sorry just realised you'd had some bloods today! The waiting is always the hardest. Any news? Xx

Mummyto3GBG · 09/04/2021 17:11

@TKL04 yeah just got off the phone to the doctor...she said numbers have gone up, she rang hospital to speak to them, they’re saying new pregnancy and I need to come in next week for repeat bloods at some point to see. She said try not to worry too much yet About deciding what to do till they do more bloods and a scan so going to try not to x

OP posts:
Xdorx · 08/02/2022 23:04

How are you doing @Mummyto3GBG? I was in a similar position to you and also struggled with extreme fear that let to a termination. I really feel for you reading this - the mind can be a terrifying thing.

How are you doing? Did you feel some peace/closure around your pregnancies? Xx

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