Medical abortion...regrets

[Anon1311]

Hi,

I fell pregnant and had an early medical abortion, my partner wanted an abortion I would keep the baby but not alone....now after everything I feel terrible..,
We were together for over 10 years and he said that relationship wasn’t stable enough (have to admit I wanted to leave last year) he says he wants to do things’right’ but now I’m really sad, angry and regretting going through with it...I don’t see how the relationship will be ‘right’ ever again or if it ever was in fact....there’s a lot to it...anyone experienced anything similar

Hi. I get it.

Married 10 years. 2 kids. Shaky marriage recently but no crisis. Then unplanned pregnancy. Husband wanted nothing to do with it. No positives. Would ruin his life.

I would have kept with support but didn’t want to on my own and didn’t want to be the reason our family broke up.

I had a surgical abortion 6 days ago and am racked with regret, sadness.

I’m angry he didn’t care enough about me and my feelings. I’m angry he let me go through this when I told him i didn’t want to and was scared I’d never be the same. I’m angry I wasn’t stronger to say no.

He just says to focus on our kids and get back to normal.

Like you, I don’t know if I can ever see him or us in the same way again.

So sorry, OP. The wisdom on here is generally that if your partner won't support a wanted pregnancy, the relationship is over regardless of whether you abort or not, as resentment will ruin it, from your side if you abort or from his if you don't.

If you came on here pregnant, the advice would be to take the relationship out of the equation and ask whether you want to be a single parent to the baby or not and make your decision based on that. It sounds like that's what you did- you aborted because you didn't want to be a single parent. Therefore, you made the only call you could based on the available options. Don't be so hard on yourself.

I’m so sorry to hear this, hope you’ll be ok with time / that’s what I keep repeating to myself , I’m not married and have no children which I suppose makes it a bit ‘easier’ :( x

Thank you, that’s sounds exactly how I thought- I said that I could not do it on my own but he just seemed to be on one side and I could not be a single parent I live abroad with no social support really so thought this was my only option... it’s really early on so emotions are running high but I’m so full of sadness, anger and regret already that I don’t see it moving forward..

Hi I had a medical abortion a week ago with a much wanted baby, unfortunately my husband didn’t want another child as we already have a 5 year old and a 2 year old. I can’t seem to get passed these feelings or regret and sadness I can’t eat I’m just heartbroken xx

Hi @Goldencrisp

Sending you a big hug. I feel you.
I was there too. Married, 2 DC but the 3rd pregnancy was unplanned and a huge shock. Contraception failure, after 8 years with no "scares".
I was very torn, one part of me knew we couldnt have another baby, for many reasons and the other part of me wanted to keep it. Ultimately our reasons and circumstances won.
I wont lie. It completely crushed me and i have never felt heartache/pain like it. I didnt sleep for weeks and when i did it was filled with nightmares and panic attacks. I lost over 8 kilos in 2 weeks from the stress and trauma.
Im now over 2 months past it and i can say, time does help. Please be kind with yourself. I wish i hadnt beating myself up so much at the start. I also know thats a lot easier said than done as i was there too.
I hope you have someone in real life who you can lean on for support. I definitely recommend talking through your feelings as it does help. Xx

Hi. I’m months down the line. I still have sadness and regret, but it’s not all consuming.

A week is so early. You made the best decision you could. You will survive this.