What to say to friend - *[Content warning: concerns abortion]

[zeddybrek]

Hi

Please help me help my friend.

She is almost 40 and wants to meet someone and have a baby.

She has accidently fallen pregnant with someone she was casually seeing.

She is having an abortion and I am spending the day with her tomorrow when she takes some tablets as part of it.

This is what she wants and I support her but I don't know what to say or do.

Can anyone who has been through this tell me what would have helped you.

She knows there is a chance she may never have a baby if she doesn't meet anyone and she has made peace with that idea. Having a baby outside of a stable relationship is not for her she says.

She is on anti depressants and has done well to recover from a difficult stage years ago. We are best friends and very close but this is a new situation for us and I really want to make sure I say and do things to make her feel as comfortable and supported and also what not to say or do.

Thank you.

In all honesty All I can think to tell her is that “It’s ok to change her mind but no matter what you’re there for her”.

Thanks @MimiSunshine
That's a good reminder, in case she feels she can't turn back.

That was my first thought-this must be SO difficult for her if she really does want a baby! A gentle reminder that if she's ANY doubt about her decision it's not too late to change her mind or reconsider xx

Thanks @Missingthebridegene
It really is sad but right decision for her. She knows the reality of having children. She has helped another friend who suddenly became a single mum of 2 very young children. She was there a lot for long stretches of time and as such she really doesn't want a baby without a supportive partner in a stable relationship.

I feel so sad but am trying to put my emotions aside so make sure I can be supportive for her and not inadvertently say something hurtful or something.

Your friend can message me if she'd like, or write to me on this page. I've been in an unplanned pregnancy in an unstable relationship, kept my baby and raised him without the partner - never regretted it. But I can understand both sides, having been there, and I'm happy to talk to her or to both of you.

I also sent you a message - let me know if you received it... x

You are a good friend. I’d say make sure she’s loved, there is no judgement and make her feel comfortable.

Take some snacks round, a hot water bottle and some pain relief.

Maybe even some post abortion counselling would benefit.

@zeddybrek. Just realised the dates. Hope all went ok.

Hi @ED81

It's been such a tough week. The guy who got my friend pregnant really wanted her to keep the baby (he has no children and really wants one). This made my friends decision a bit harder.

He has been sort of supportive but he confessed yesterday that he has also been seeing somebody else, also casually. Apparently he comes across as very confused.

My friend is happy with her decision but will take away the positives. She can conceive naturally and this has made her definitely want children but in a stable relationship. It's given her focus and motivation so hopefully she can move on and try to meet someone who wants the same as her.

Thank you so so much to everyone who replied and gave such good advice. xx
Thank you also @Urbanewell3
Your advice and messages were so helpful xx