Abortion regret

[Jelly1987]

Hi I've never used this before but have no one else to talk to about this. I found out I was pregnant at beginning of Feb this year. Myself and my partner didn't know what to do we didn't feel it was the right time for us to have a baby. We foster 2 children and have a 6year old of our own. But we kept changing our minds going back and fourth. I wanted to be happy I wanted another baby but when I sat and thought things through about money, space etc I just kept changing my mind I was torn abortion was something I never wanted to do never, imagined I would do. Last week I had the medical abortion now I regret it so much I'm constantly crying and getting upset over everything. I really wish I hadn't donne it now. My partner said he feels regret aswell. Has anyone else been through this and how do you deal with it?

I have.
I felt very down and depressed and full of regrets for months. Constantly thinking about it and mourning. I was very emotional.
I used to write things down a lot, how i was feeling and use online sites like mumsnet to find support as i couldn't talk to anyone IRL.
With time i started to feel better and slowly moved on and finally was in peace with my decision. As if things became clearer. Once i had overcome the first few months of depression. After that i never felt regret as such, just a little bit of guilt or sadness thinking what would my life have been?
But again, being pregnant now in stable situation i am 100% sure i made the right choice then. And wouldn't have it any other way...
If you can i would try counselling. Talking really helps i think.

Morning, @Jelly1987 - we just wanted to let you know that we've moved your thread over to our Pregnancy Choices topic and we hope you get lots of support here.

It’s the ‘what might have been’ and always questioning your choice. But you have to learn to live with that decision now and find peace with it. It’s actually good your partner feels the same way as you can talk about it together. Maybe try and access some counselling and mumsnet is full of support.

Hi OP. I'm sorry you've had such a difficult decision to make and that you're feeling so sad.

These are very early days. The reasons you made this choice are still good reasons, but are bound to feel less salient while you adjust physically and emotionally. It's natural to feel conflicted and uncertain about big life decisions, and natural to feel sad about a path not taken- it doesn't mean the decision wasn't right for you and your family in the long term

Thank you everyone. I just feel empty inside and keep thinking of the what ifs. Deep down I know it was the right decision for us at this time but it still doesn't make it any easier and still upsets me when I think about it. 💐

Sorry to hear you’re feeling this way. I completely understand, I had a medical termination at 7 weeks in December 2020 and I find myself thinking about it and feel sad most nights. For background, I’ve been with my partner 6 years we both have a child each from previous relationships and we have an 8 month old together, meaning it wouldave been a 12 month gap between them. It was agreed from when we found out that it wouldn’t be possible to continue the pregnancy, for a number of reasons. Money, space in our home, we both work full time, we have 3 kids already and I also had quite a traumatic pregnancy and stakes are high I would have these same issues If I were to be pregnant again which really scared me! I keep thinking how far along I would be now and how their birthday couldave been literally days before or baby’s. I wrote a list of all above reasons why having an abortion was right for our family at this time and sometimes when I get sad I reread the list to remind myself it was the right decision for us at this time. I’m anxious thinking of what it will be like on their due date...I hadn’t wanted to know but the nurse had slipped up and mentioned I was 7+2 (not blaming her, these things happen) so now I’m anticipating the date. Don’t be too hard on yourself OP

Thank you @crabbypaddy I feel the same about the dates I was told how far along I was aswell so as each week passes I keep thinking how far I would be what I should be doing. I haven't told anyone about the abortion only myself and partner know and I'm finding it so hard not talking to anyone about it but I feel I will be judged. Im totally conflicted I know I did it for all the right reasons but I still feel guilty and upset all the time. 💐💐

I honestly think it wouldave been so much easier not knowing, but then again maybe it would eat away at me not knowing? Who knows. I’m much the same, unfortunately it is such a taboo subject even still. My partner doesn’t seem affected in the same way I seem to be, I tried to speak about it and he kind of dismissed it. I don’t think he’s a bad person I just feel he doesn’t deal with emotions well. Our baby was also unexpected and he was adamant a baby wasn’t right for us at that time but I was doing it with or without him...of course he came round eventually and now absolutely dotes on the baby, he’s a wonderful dad. Couldn’t believe we’d let this happen again, the guilt is unreal.

My partner didn't want another baby at all he said he didn't know how he would feel if I carried on with pregnancy he didn't know if he could love another child etc. But now I can't help but feel he isn't upset or effected by it in the same way as I am he's just carrying on as normal. He won't talk to me about it and when I get upset he says I need to think of the future and all good things we have to look forward to but all I keep thinking about is the baby 🤷‍♀️ I don't think it's going to be easy to move on from this I feel like such a bad person for going through with it.

@Jelly1987 i can relate. we had a planned pregnancy, and then logistics made us question everything. we terminated at 11w4d, after deliberating from 5wks. we weren't sure of our decision the day of, and since i had to go alone because of covid, i sat there crying by myself at the dr, who failed to push me out and reschedule. so many things went wrong with our situation. i regretted it instantly, my husband regretted it instantly. we're struggling to cope, knowing we didn't give our 2 kids we already have their sibling. it breaks me when i give them love and snuggles, knowing i'll never give my little bean anything. get counselling, and give yourself time. i'm still grieving, and some days are easier to accept the mental state i was in before, and other days, especially nights, i can't cope. sending you hugs, and good luck. i am so dreading the due date, and count my weeks as per the pregnancy timeline. it's so tough.

Your partner's an arsehole. He's okay with having foster children but not another baby? Sounds like he pressured you into having an abortion you didn't want. Sorry, what's done can't be undone but he's a real tool .

I'm so sorry, jelly. All I can say is this feeling of regret will pass. You cannot let it spoil your life. Hormones play a big part in how you are feeling too, they can take a while to get back to normal balance.

Take care.

How are you feeling now I am in exactly the same boat it’s only two weeks for me and all I can think about is another baby . I can’t believe what I’ve done I have the scan pic etc ..
I kept going back snd forth keeping the baby I was 11 weeks :( x

@jelly1987 how are you feeling now I could of wrote what you did it breaks my heart when I cuddle my babies xx

To be honest some days I'm OK other days I feel so upset and it's all I think about. I keep counting the weeks like today I would of been 21weeks and it goes through my head what I would be buying what I would be feeling etc. I would like to say it gets easier but I still find it hard some days. Xx

@Jelly1987

To be honest some days I'm OK other days I feel so upset and it's all I think about. I keep counting the weeks like today I would of been 21weeks and it goes through my head what I would be buying what I would be feeling etc. I would like to say it gets easier but I still find it hard some days. Xx

I'm in the same position as you I massively regret what I've done it's two weeks for me and I cry eveyday look at my scan picture etc all I can think about is another baby to help the pain !! Although I feel I'd feel incredibly guilty so soon why I didn't choose the other baby it's awful I really hope you can find peace with yourself soon I'm glad I signed upto here so I have someone to talk to are you going to try to concieve again xx

I hope it gets easier for you to. I don't think I will try again yet as my partner isn't ready but we have agreed to try again in the future when our daughter is abit older. It's the what ifs that upset me all the things I think that could of been xx

Hi
I recently had am abortion at 8 weeks was the biggest mistake I just want to get pregnant again 🙃

It is a year on for me, and unfortunately the feeling does not pass.

I think of my baby everyday, I cry for them every single day, and the guilt is awful.

I want to die.