Experiences of making a decision

[PinkElephant7]

I'm in a situation where I find myself pregnant with my second child at 41. We weren't planning for a baby but weren't using protection. We tried last year and couldn't so think we had convinced ourselves it just wasn't going to happen.

I've recently started in a new job which is a senior role and my probation will end next month. Work wise it isn't ideal but I qualify for mat leave and when we were trying before, that wouldn't have been the case.

Anyway, DH is convinced he doesn't want another child. He didn't when we were trying but I did so he went along with it.

We are in a situation where life is getting easier, we have balance, we are about to get 30 hours free childcare and we were literally talking about how we will be able to do work on the house on the day we found out (also my birthday).

Just wondered if anyone has been in a similar situation, what you decided to do and how it worked out.

Whatever happens from here, there will be an impact on the relationship, it just depends how bad the fall out is either way!

He says he feels too old to start again and can't handle the sleepless nights and nappies. The childcare costs will be ridiculous too. He could give up work but he won't do that. We need my salary and it's a good one! My head agrees with him but the rest of me is very unsure!

I'm from a catholic family so that's an influence for me too. My parents would be disgusted and desperately disappointed in the son in law they think very highly of.

Experiences welcome!

I think you have to go with your gut instinct in the end. Mine was to keep the baby and have never looked back. DH wasn’t keen either but came around. Best thing is to keep communicating and decide on what will be easier to live with.

Thanks @laura212, it's good to hear it worked out for you x

It’s a decision that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. The hardest, most painful decision I’ve ever made. I spent about 3 weeks battling with myself over it, some days changing my mind hourly.

It is entirely your decision. Only you know how you feel, deep down, almost in a hidden part of you that you never knew existed. It’s beyond a gut feeling...

I have days where I regret the decision, where I look at my two children and feel absolutely complete but on other days there’s something missing....

I think the only way you will make peace with what you decide is to know that you absolutely made the right decision for you and your family at that moment in time.

Good luck, it’s so very difficult