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Pregnancy choices

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Coping post abortion

3 replies

Daisycat16 · 04/03/2021 16:38

I recently had a surgical abortion at 17 weeks as we found out that our baby would have severe difficulties if born. The hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life even though I know deep down for us as a family it was the right decision for us. Needless to say saying goodbye to a much wanted baby was horrific. I’m filled with all kinds of emotions. Ranging from guilt, grief, sadness, relief (which then leads to guilt for feeling that). I think hormones are playing a part today. Feel so ‘empty’ and just a feeling of being lost. I think about whether speaking to someone would help but it won’t change anything so then think there’s not really much point. Just wondered if anyone out there is going through something similar x

OP posts:
ShootingStar94 · 04/03/2021 17:13

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I am also getting over tfmr, I was 20 weeks, and I completely get the feeling of emptiness too - physically, particularly in the first few weeks, and emotionally.

No one I know in real life has gone through it and although people have been very supportive, many of them don't 'get' it. I have spent a lot of time trawling through forums - there is a very good one on Reddit and also on the what to expect app, both are dedicated to people who have had terminations for medical reasons. They are so supportive and reading other people's experiences has helped me realise that my feelings are normal. There is also a private Facebook group called ending a wanted pregnancy which you have to apply to join - I think you have to google it. I'm not part of it but I'm told it is a safe space for people in this situation and again very supportive.

I have also found Zoeadelle on Instagram, who has written books on baby loss, and she incorporates every type of loss. I'm reading one of her books now. Many of her Instagram posts and the comments on them have resonated with me, and although they (and the forums) can be triggering, sometimes I need a good cry, and that itself helps.

It has also helped me to share my story in the hope of helping others. I shared all the research I had done about the rare condition my baby was diagnosed with and ended up connecting with something who had the same diagnosis.

The feelings you describe I think are completely natural and a part of the grieving process. But it sounds like you made the kindest choice for your baby. You chose to go through this pain and heartache yourself so that your baby would never have to suffer - the hardest decision anyone will ever have to make, but one that is founded on the deepest love, and you are a wonderful parent for it.

Although it won't change anything talking through with someone might help you process your thoughts.

You will get through this. I am so sorry for your loss 😔

Daisycat16 · 04/03/2021 17:29

Thank you @ShootingStar94 I shall definitely check out the recommended sites/books you suggested. Your last part about making the choices/prevent heartache for your baby had me in tears but it is so true and totally why we made the decision we did. I am sorry to hear of your loss too. X

OP posts:
ShootingStar94 · 28/03/2021 03:18

@Daisycat16 how are you getting on now?

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