Termination guilt

[popgoesperfection]

I have just found out I'm pregnant, only about 4 week gone. This is my third pregnancy, oldest is almost 6 and youngest is only 15 months, it wasn't planned and has come as a huge shock. Mentally and physically I'm not ready for another baby, I suffer with depression and don't feel I would cope with a newborn and just 2 year old. But the thought of having a termination fills me with guilt, anxiety and embarrassment. I know this would be the right choice for our family right now but it feels so hard to come to terms with. I also feel nervous about the actual procedure, will I have to have a scan? Will I have to go to hospital? Or will they send me tablets to the pharmacy because of covid? My mind is all over the place.

Hey, sorry I can't offer much advice but I am in the exact same boat 😞
I have a little one turning 1 next week, can't afford another baby (could but it would be v tight), don't have the room & partner is against it. I know it's for the best to terminate but I cannot bring myself to go through with it.
I think if you are under 9 weeks it's a case of a couple of pills. Because of covid, some places are sending them by post. But you can go into clinic if you wish.
I'm meant to be speaking with someone next week to discuss everything but the longer I leave it, the less chance I'll go through with it.
Really tough situation isn't it, I don't wish this on anyone. X

@popgoesperfection just an update that might help you.. I rang the clinic to see if I could just book it in and then I've got till then to get my head around what I want to do (worried the waiting times might be long) and they said in order to get an appointment you need a consultation with a nurse to talk through it all anyway. Maybe that might help you understand what's best.. I'm hoping it does for me. Hope you are ok x

Hi @ker89. Thankyou so much for your messages. It's such a shitty situation to be in isn't it!! When have you booked your appointment to talk with the nurse? I'm waiting on a call back from the gp. X

@popgoesperfection Tuesday! And then if I proceed they'll book me in but can take up to two weeks. I'd be towards the 7 week mark by then. Don't think I can do it x

Is your appointment through the nhs? I've just spoke with my gp and he's referring me so they'll contact me to sort it out. Hope your ok x

You'll have a scan because they need to confirm how far along you are but the screen is turned away so you can't see it. If you go ahead, please don't feel guilty. It's a horrible situation to be in but at this stage of pregnancy, there is no 'baby.' I know it's hard to remember that, especially after planned/wanted pregnancies.

@popgoesperfection yes nhs. Glad they've sorted yours out nice and easy! How are you feeling about it x

Thankyou @Borntohula. I'm trying to think of the bigger picture and I know I won't be as good of a mum if I continue with the pregnancy.
@ker89 what number did you ring to speak to someone? I'm conscious that I might miss the call if they ring whilst I'm working. I feel sick with guilt. How do you feel about it? X

I was in this exact predicament 6 years ago. I had a 4 year old and a 2 year old just went back to work full time and had been offered an amazing promotion. We had just moved to a bigger house and life was pretty rosy we were exactly where we wanted to be. Then I found out I was pregnant. We did eventually (after 2-3 weeks of going back and forth with the decision) go ahead with the termination. I would say it's probably one of the hardest decisions we have had to make. I often look back and think what if, but ultimately I know we made the right decision for us.

@popgoesperfection I rang BPAS who gave me the number for my local pregnancy advisor centre. They will more than likely ring on a withheld/no caller ID.
Thing that's holding me back is thoughts such as I'm being selfish and a part of me does want this baby. It excites me but scares me because it is a huge pressure on us as a family. I'm so confused and tbh wish it never happened x

Yea I totally understand the feeling selfish. You have to do what feels right for you. I have a appointment next Friday at the hospital, it says it can take approx 2 hour so I presume that will be scan, chat with nurse then procedure x

@popgoesperfection glad it's all sorted for you. Hope you're feeling ok about it! Tuesday seems years away. Trying to not think about it but I have such strong preg symptoms 😒 x

Hi @ker89,

I had a termination via BPAS with pills at home due to covid - please make sure your dates are correct - I'd had a 'false period' (apparently not uncommon) and wasn't aware I was further along than I was. I wasn't offered a scan or a visit to any clinic, and wasn't made aware that that was even a choice. I won't say anymore but please just be sure of your dates if this is the route you opt for.
Thinking of you and popgoesperfection x

How you feeling today @ker89 ?
I'm really trying not to think much about the situation, but the hormones keep reminding me with the constant tiredness and moments of sickness.
Thankyou for your reply @Inthedark2. If you don't mind me asking, what was it like after you had taken the pills? X

@popgoesperfection still unsure but I think leaning further towards the termination. I just think it's going to put way too much pressure on us as a family. What about you? Yes it's hard to forget isn't it, I keep getting cramps which is just a constant reminder. X

I'm feeling like a termination is probably for the best, I can't help but wish it were a few year down the line then there would be no question about what to do x

I had one at 7 weeks, at the time it was the right choice for me, however I did struggle with a bit of guilt. There are people that you can talk to though before/after the procedure to help you get your head around things. I would highly recommend doing that

i recently went through one, and if there is any doubt, then reach out and speak to a counselor who specializes in this. there's no undoing a termination, with having your baby you can snuggle and cuddle and show the love. we terminated a planned pregnancy because of stress and logistics winning the debate. we so desparately wish we hadn't done it. we acknowledged we'd want a child, but couldn't get past how to make it work. afterwards, nothing that made us worry seemed important. this is just my story, but wanted to give you my perspective. everyone's situation is different. speak to someone, and make sure you're being asked the right questions. good luck with whichever way you decide/decided to go. sending you hugs.