Abortion for mental health reasons.. anyone?

[harrywantedmefirst]

I'm almost 9 weeks with a planned baby. Since being pregnant my mental health has plummeted. My anxiety over morning sickness, not being able to have the COVID jab, labour.. you know it - my anxiety has been unbearable. I darent leave the house even for a walk.
I'm spending most days crying and not wanting to get out of bed. I have a DS and it's not good for him, or my relationship. I've become obsessed with the thought of abortion. This baby is wanted but I think ending the pregnancy would be fairer all round for everyone.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Thank you.

I think you need a professional opinion not our opinion.
Please speak to your GP and get a proper referral to talk this through.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

I think you need a professional opinion not our opinion. Please speak to your GP and get a proper referral to talk this through.

I bit the bullet and rang the GP this morning. Receptionist said no appointments until 8th March. I said I'm desperate to talk to someone so she set up a text service thing for the doctor to read.. I wrote pretty much what I've wrote here but not had a response yet. I guess it's like everything else at the moment and covid isn't taking priority x

I had an abortion for mental health reasons and won't be attempting to get pregnant again.

We TTC'd once - and I got pregnant straight away. Even before I tested my mental health took a downturn and at 7 weeks I was planning on taking my own life as I felt so, so, so low. Anti-depressants helped take the 'edge' off (I'd never taken them before in my life before then...) but it just numbed the pain, rather than take it away.

I was already having counselling for needle-phobia and whilst talking to some helped a lot, I felt it was too overwhelming to continue with the pregnancy and a lot of my phobias / fears would have been realised if I had continued the pregnancy.

If you can, I'd certainly get some support to talk through how you're feeling - people who are non-judgemental and supportive.

For me, my abortion was 5.5 years ago and I don't regret it, it was right for me. However I believe there are some women on Mumsnet who really suffered from antenatal depression, went through with the pregnancy and are very glad they did. I hope you feel better soon and get support, regardless of what choice you make

I think you're struggling right now, Abortion is final, think how you may be if you went through with a termination, a planned baby that has gone. I think you could do with some counselling, the clinic can provide that. If it's a planned pregnancy then your desire for pregnancy will most likely come back after the termination and regret sets in. How is your partner supporting you?

Thank you everyone for sharing. In my current state of mind I'm just thinking abortion is my only option, I need my mind and my body back for my sake and my son's. I really wanted this baby and it took 6 months so I really don't know why I'm feeling this way but I can't stand it any longer.

I did. But the pregnancy wasn’t planned (so a very different situation), and I still had severe PND. I also suffered with my mental health quite badly in my pregnancy with my daughter and I think that fed into the severe PND.

Have you had a midwife appointment yet, can you speak to her and see what options there might be for a referral to perinatal mental health teams through her, rather than your GP? Alternatively I think BPAS and Marie Stopes offer counselling?

In my current state of mind I'm just thinking abortion is my only option

Firstly, I would just say this isn’t your only option although I can see why you feel it is.

As it’s a wanted baby it would certainly be worth trying alternatives before something very final.

Also, I know it’s extremely hard but pregnancy isn’t forever. Once you come out of the other side and mentally you feel stronger you may regret your decision to have a termination.

However, there isn’t a right or wrong. I hope you feel better soon. I’m ok with pregnancy but my mental health when I have a new baby hits the floor and it’s a horrible place to be.

Hi OP, I completely understand how you feel. From around 7 or 8 weeks my anxiety was through the roof, I suffered with anxiety previously and came off my medication a few months before I got pregnant and thought I had things under control.

I was having daily panic attacks, worrying about everything, feeling really overwhelmed with the idea of pregnancy and having a child, this alongside the awful nausea and other delightful first trimester symptoms. I wasn't sure what to do and the thought of the rest of the pregnancy was really daunting.

However, I was placed under a specialist mental health midwife, referred for counselling and also a family nurse practitioner for mums with mental health issues and I'm now 30 weeks pregnant and feeling tons better. I think things got better for me around 16 weeks.

I still worry about the birth and also being responsible for a baby but I think everyone does. It definitely got better for me and hopefully things can for you, have you had your booking appointment yet? It was at that appointment that I told them how I was feeling and got lots of referrals made for me xx

These posts are so sad. If the baby is planned it's worth your all. You wouldn't want to regret it.

I've had hyperemesis with both of my pregnancies. It's debilitating at times, but its not forever and wouldn't change anything for the world

@HankMarvinjg

I've had hyperemesis with both of my pregnancies. It's debilitating at times, but its not forever and wouldn't change anything for the world

You are so so strong. I honestly don't think I would be able to handle that with my emetophobia I wouldn't be able to cope x

@HankMarvinjg

These posts are so sad. If the baby is planned it's worth your all. You wouldn't want to regret it.

This is my worry. But the way I'm feeling I'm worried the son I have won't have a mother by the end of these 9 months. That's how low I'm feeling, I just don't see a way out x

@ShalomToYouJackie

Hi OP, I completely understand how you feel. From around 7 or 8 weeks my anxiety was through the roof, I suffered with anxiety previously and came off my medication a few months before I got pregnant and thought I had things under control.

I was having daily panic attacks, worrying about everything, feeling really overwhelmed with the idea of pregnancy and having a child, this alongside the awful nausea and other delightful first trimester symptoms. I wasn't sure what to do and the thought of the rest of the pregnancy was really daunting.

However, I was placed under a specialist mental health midwife, referred for counselling and also a family nurse practitioner for mums with mental health issues and I'm now 30 weeks pregnant and feeling tons better. I think things got better for me around 16 weeks.

I still worry about the birth and also being responsible for a baby but I think everyone does. It definitely got better for me and hopefully things can for you, have you had your booking appointment yet? It was at that appointment that I told them how I was feeling and got lots of referrals made for me xx

Thank you for being so understanding. It's nice to know there is other people who have been in this position. I had my booking appointment over the phone due to COVID and I told her how I'm feeling. She basically said "see your doctor" I didn't feel like I was taken seriously at all. Then I've tried to see my doctor and appointments are few and far between. I contacted Marie stopes and they said I would have to go to Manchester for a surgical abortion (I live on the yorkshire coast) and travelling 3.5 hours for it seemed a bit crazy. They sent me the pills but I'm just so scared of the pain and if I might have a reaction to it but be stuck at home x

It’s not your only option. It is your life and your decision, but I would also be concerned that if this is a planned baby, you might end up feeling even worse about a termination at a future date. Please discuss antidepressant medication with your GP and ask for a referral to the perinatal mental health team. And remember that hormones in pregnancy can cause depression for some people without any COVID related knock on stressors so don’t be so hard on yourself.

@Susanthepig

In my current state of mind I'm just thinking abortion is my only option

Firstly, I would just say this isn’t your only option although I can see why you feel it is.

As it’s a wanted baby it would certainly be worth trying alternatives before something very final.

Also, I know it’s extremely hard but pregnancy isn’t forever. Once you come out of the other side and mentally you feel stronger you may regret your decision to have a termination.

However, there isn’t a right or wrong. I hope you feel better soon. I’m ok with pregnancy but my mental health when I have a new baby hits the floor and it’s a horrible place to be.

Thank you. I think that's the thing that's been making me doubt it, if I abort and get back into a better place will I see babies and feel regret? It's impossible to say which is why I just do not know what to do for the best x

Also if you don’t have a call back from your GP by Monday lunchtime regarding the info you sent them today, please call back up and explain to the receptionist that this is an emergency, that your mental health is so bad you are having suicidal thought and trying to decide whether to terminate your planned pregnancy in order to be able to cope.

You have time to think this decision through but once you take the pills there's no more decision to be made.

This was a wanted baby. Will you be ok mentally making this decision a few weeks, months or a year down the line? Will it stop you trying again for fear of it happening again?

Ultimately you have every right to have an abortion but your reticence speaks volumes

Please call the MW and GP again and get some support.

Is Dad around? What does he think?

This sounds so difficult.
I had horrendous PNA after having a very much wanted baby but it turned out that there was a wealth of support out there. I had a whole team of doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, counsellors, even nursery nurses who helped me to get into a better place. They really were incredible.
Before you make any decisions, you need to access that support. Because you are early in your pregancy and not really on anyone's radar yet, you need to make it really clear that you need help. Now.
For me, what prompted my immediate support was going to A and E. You can do that. They are set up for mental health emergencies.
If you don't want to do that, call your midwife or doctors and insist they refer you to the perinatal mental health service as a matter of urgency. Dont play nicely nice with this. Really insist.
I hope you get the support you need to allow you to make the right decision for yourself. I'm sure you will but you may have to be pushy to start with.

@Iceskatingfan

Also if you don’t have a call back from your GP by Monday lunchtime regarding the info you sent them today, please call back up and explain to the receptionist that this is an emergency, that your mental health is so bad you are having suicidal thought and trying to decide whether to terminate your planned pregnancy in order to be able to cope.

Thank you. I feel like I'm crying and screaming out for help and I need someone to take the reins for me but no one is listening. I sent a long text to the doctor saying exactly how I feel, but I think you're right and I really need to make it clear that it's a matter of urgency as seriously cannot carry on like this for much longer x

@SleepingStandingUp

You have time to think this decision through but once you take the pills there's no more decision to be made.

This was a wanted baby. Will you be ok mentally making this decision a few weeks, months or a year down the line? Will it stop you trying again for fear of it happening again?

Ultimately you have every right to have an abortion but your reticence speaks volumes

Please call the MW and GP again and get some support.

Is Dad around? What does he think?

Thank you. That's what I've been hesitating for, will I regret it. Dad is around but he says if I abort we're not ever trying again as he won't go through it again. Our relationship isn't the most stable at the best of times x

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been on both sides. I had severe Hyperemesis with my youngest (a planned baby) and by 9 weeks I wanted to die and desperately wanted an abortion so that I could feel well again. My other 3 kids suffered hugely watching me so ill.
I was in so much distress but I felt that if I could somehow bond with the baby and make it feel real I could fight on. I booked a NIPT test and found out the sex at 10 weeks. Finding out baby was a girl and giving her a name gave me a boost to somehow hang in there. I honestly don’t know how I did it. I was on 5 different medications and vomiting 20 times a day...but by 16 weeks the sickness disappeared. And the rest of the pregnancy was as smooth as could be. She’s 17 months old now. Conversely, last November I fell pregnant unplanned. By 5 weeks I was already so ill and my mental health was deteriorating. I just didn’t want to do it again, and I just couldn’t put my family through it all, so I terminated and it was 100% the right decision. I definitely think I may have some PTSD from the Hyperemesis and am planning on looking into counselling. I really hope you can get some help soon because as your baby is planned and wanted I would hate for you to feel any regrets if you terminate. Definitely try to be 100% sure if you can. Thinking of you. X

@ChickaboomZoom

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been on both sides. I had severe Hyperemesis with my youngest (a planned baby) and by 9 weeks I wanted to die and desperately wanted an abortion so that I could feel well again. My other 3 kids suffered hugely watching me so ill. I was in so much distress but I felt that if I could somehow bond with the baby and make it feel real I could fight on. I booked a NIPT test and found out the sex at 10 weeks. Finding out baby was a girl and giving her a name gave me a boost to somehow hang in there. I honestly don’t know how I did it. I was on 5 different medications and vomiting 20 times a day...but by 16 weeks the sickness disappeared. And the rest of the pregnancy was as smooth as could be. She’s 17 months old now. Conversely, last November I fell pregnant unplanned. By 5 weeks I was already so ill and my mental health was deteriorating. I just didn’t want to do it again, and I just couldn’t put my family through it all, so I terminated and it was 100% the right decision. I definitely think I may have some PTSD from the Hyperemesis and am planning on looking into counselling. I really hope you can get some help soon because as your baby is planned and wanted I would hate for you to feel any regrets if you terminate. Definitely try to be 100% sure if you can. Thinking of you. X

Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry to hear you went through that. It's so difficult isn't it, I feel so sorry for my little boy as he's pretty much lost his mummy. I hardly want to get out of bed and when I do, I just cry and panic. I'm 9 weeks tomorrow and already got my scan date through. I'm so torn between not wanting to feel like this anymore and wanting my old self back and not aborting a wanted child x

Hi OP. I know exactly how you feel - when I got pregnant, at around 6 or 7 weeks I had a huge wobble and felt sick with nerves at the whole thing. All excitement vanished, I was full of dread and cried most of the day. It felt like I had made a terrible mistake.

However, once I got out the first trimester, I felt a LOT better. I truly believe it was some kind of weird hormone blip, and feel better prepared for it next time.

Remember when you decided to have another baby, you were not pregnant and therefore thinking rationally and without a load of hormones swooshing about. Your calm, rational mind made that decision, and I would trust it if I were you.

I would sit tight and ride out the next few weeks - have lots of strong sweet tea (always makes me feel better for some reason!) and just remember that you made the decision to ttc for a reason.

Very much here for you OP, please keep posting if you find it helpful

@Wondermule

Hi OP. I know exactly how you feel - when I got pregnant, at around 6 or 7 weeks I had a huge wobble and felt sick with nerves at the whole thing. All excitement vanished, I was full of dread and cried most of the day. It felt like I had made a terrible mistake.

However, once I got out the first trimester, I felt a LOT better. I truly believe it was some kind of weird hormone blip, and feel better prepared for it next time.

Remember when you decided to have another baby, you were not pregnant and therefore thinking rationally and without a load of hormones swooshing about. Your calm, rational mind made that decision, and I would trust it if I were you.

I would sit tight and ride out the next few weeks - have lots of strong sweet tea (always makes me feel better for some reason!) and just remember that you made the decision to ttc for a reason.

Very much here for you OP, please keep posting if you find it helpful

Thank you for your post. Its made me feel less alone! It was as though the moment I found out I was overcome with fear and all I've thought is I can't do this. I know hormones don't help, and I've also stopped taking my sertraline but I've just been so crippled with anxiety I can't function. It's just the thought of having a termination and getting back to being myself that gets me through when I feel so low. As you say though I planned this, I wanted this, so I don't know what has happened x

Oh OP, I take sertraline and would feel exactly like you do if I stopped taking it. I really think you should discuss taking it again with your GP (if only a small dose). Did you stop taking it suddenly? If so, then there’s another reason you are feeling as you do.

You’re very nearly at the 12 week mark now, if you stopped taking it because of your pregnancy you could aim for that as a date to start taking it again - by that point the fetus is well developed and I believe it is generally very safe to take ADs.