Long thread with lots of info but all relevant
My brother is profoundly disabled and has autism with severe learning disabilities also coupled with psychotic episodes and is awaiting a possible diagnosis for schizophrenia. It was absolute hell growing up for me and my parents living with him. He had violent rages on a daily basis which involved all of us getting severely injured several times and it was like living as a prisoner in my own home until the day I moved out as soon as I was able to. I am now in my late twenties and he is in his mid twenties and is still living at home with my parents and his condition is still exactly the same. My parents have said they will look after him right up until the day they no longer can.
Also I would like to add that our father is clearly on the spectrum as well but is undiagnosed and has been able to live a relatively normal life, holding down good jobs, getting married etc (bar having my brother). But also does have great social difficulties which have become more apprent as he has gotten older.
My mum also has a brother (my uncle) who has severe schizophrenia which he developed in his 20s and has resided in a care home for all his adult life.
I fell pregnant at 22 unplanned and had a lovely baby girl who is now 6. I am no longer with her dad but have a good amicable relationship where we co parent amicably.
I am with a new partner and have been for the past 3 years and we live together. He is a wonderful step dad to my girl but we both agreed that we were happy not to have any children of our own together at least for the foreseeable future and I had the coil fitted a year ago. However I have just found out a few weeks ago that I am pregnant. Have had an early scan at the early pregnancy unit to check that it wasnt ectopic And sonographer said that pregnancy looked healthy and its likely that my coil has fallen out.
Here is my dilemma. My partner and I are actually quite happy about the surprise pregnancy and even though its been a shock we have come around to the idea of having a child together. However I have just found myself with such high anxiety that if my child is a boy then there is a high possibility of them having autism/ schizophrenia. Also important note my partner has 2 cousins both male, one with Aspergers and one with Schizophrenia which has just sent my anxiety into overdrive.
I just feel so utterly depressed that if I am carrying a boy and if they were to inherit these disabilities which studying online obsessively at statistics is a strong probability they could, then it is basically a death sentence for the lovely family unit I have made for myself. Just seeing my parents lives and the utter misery they have endured makes me so upset for them. I know alot of parents who have children with SEN have said that thier child is a blessing but after the life ive had and watching my parents still suffering every day 25 years later by looking after him I personally just dont see it that way at all. I carry around alot of childhood trauma from growing up with my brother and I find that even being in his presence triggers horrible anxiety attacks for me.
Also the way the country is going with funding cuts left right and centre to social care, parents arent even getting the help they need if they do have disabled children and are often just left to get on with it.
Obviously I am aware that girls can get these conditions too but the statistics show that they are a staggeringly higher risk in males and coupled with our joint family history it all runs in the men, and there isnt anything like that in the women. Also the fact I have had a healthy girl already makes me less worried.
The problem is with these conditions is that you just cant find out until its too late and theyre already here
I just really dont know what to do. This baby is very much wanted, but my mental health seems to be swirling down the pan because of this anxiety.
Im only 7 weeks along and it doesnt help that everyone that weve told (just close friends and family) are convinced its going to be a boy. I just feel so ill thinking about it. I havent told any friends or family my concerns, only my partner who agrees it would be horrendous having a disabled child but he is more hopeful that the child will be fine.
Ive been googling online and you can find out a babys gender from 15 weeks privately and im considering maybe continuing with the pregnancy until finding out the sex and if its a boy then having a termination, but then that just feels so utterly evil in itself that I dont know if i could do that either.
I dont really know why Im posting, maybe just some support and a handhold. Or even a good telling off for being so self absorbed and i should just be grateful for the opportunify of even having a child. I just need to get it off my chest.