What to say to couple facing tfmr

[DorotheaHomeAlone]

A very dear friend and his wife are terminating a much-wanted pregnancy tomorrow for medical reasons. I want to send him a brief message to let them know that I am thinking of them and sad for them but I keep tripping on the wording. Can anyone help?

When messaging friends about loss, I usually acknowledge how totally crap life can be sometimes and let them know that I am there for them for whatever they need.

I would them, if its possible distance-wise, drop a little care package to the doorstep: bunch of flowers, some dinner that can be heated up/refrigerated, nice candle.

And then wait for them to reach out.

Thanks @Hotcuppatea. Unfortunately they’re overseas so difficult to send anything. Otherwise a care package would be ideal.

It's lovely that you are putting so much thought into this.

There is nothing you can do or say to take their pain away. Just to know that you are thinking of them and are there to support them and listen, if and when they need it, I'm sure will be a huge comfort to them.
But I would avoid ever saying things like 'some things are meant to be' and 'things happen for a reason' - it hurts to go down that line of thinking

It has helped me when people have acknowledged that I made the choice for my baby, not myself, to save him from a lifetime of suffering, and that I am still and always will be his mum.

There is nothing you can do or say to take their pain away.

This is really helpful. Thank you. Nothing I can say seems enough. And it’s helpful just to recognise that that is in fact true. I’ve said that it’s sad and unfair and I’m sorry it’s happening and also that I love them. Thank you. And I’m so for your loss @ShootingStar94

I massively appreciated visits but was very moved by flowers and little care things in the post. No words apart from how much they loved us. Found I couldnt stand anyone who said 'it's meant to be' or you can try again.

Having been there, saying that you are thinking of them and there for them is what they need to hear. If they have a funeral then it is also important to acknowledge the loss. I found it very hard when people pretended I had never had a baby after the TFMR. It took me years to get over it (even after having my other children) by the way just in case they are struggling in the future.

We have often ordered on a different countries Amazon to send gifts to family over seas. For France for example you do Amazon.fr .com for USA etc. Just log in using your normal account.

It works well if you wanted to send them some chocolates or something.