I’m after someone to talk to really, I had a termination in June, I was 6 weeks along and I had a 7 month old daughter. Although it was the hardest decision I’ve ever made, we decided to terminate as I didn’t think I’d be able to cope with a 7 month old and being pregnant and then 2 children under 2! We were also in lockdown and I’ve seen how much my daughter has missed out on things and I didn’t want that to happen again.
I was also due back in work off my maternity leave a month after, I felt like I needed to get back to normal. I wanted to enjoy this precious time I have with my daughter and enjoy her grow up a little before having another. At the time it was the right decision for us. I went back to work for a month but was struggling and was diagnosed with post natal anxiety, I had a few counselling sessions (although not about the abortion) and was off for 3 months. I’m now back in work.
I’ve been struggling with my choice the last couple of months, more-so this week as my due date would be in a few days. I know I shouldn’t think about that but it’s hard not to. I’m tempted to not go into work this weekend because of how I feel. It breaks my heart thinking about this little baby I would potentially have by now, and I feel this horrible grief, but also feel like I have no right to grieve. I feel sad for what could have been, but still think it was the best decision at the time. I don’t want to have another baby in lockdown and not see family and friends, it’s hard enough as it is. So I’m really feeling down lately, I’ve also really had enough of being in lockdown now and I’m constantly busy with my little girl who is now 15 months, with barely any ‘me time’.
I was wondering if there is anyone who has been in a similar situation, and does the grief eventually go away or does it get better? It’s hard to make sense of how I feel, I regret the choice I had to make and grieve for this baby, but still think it might have been the right choice to make.