Termination

[ED81]

Morning all,
Not sure if this is the domain for this....
I found out I am pregnant on Monday - 4 weeks or so. It was planned. However I’m now very unsure if this is what I want. I’m not overly maternal. I like my life the way it is and the relationship I have with my husband. I totally feel like “what have I done?!” There isn’t an once of happiness. It’s all dread. Which is all very surprising considering I planned this!

I’m now seriously thinking of a termination. Not in a million years would I think I would be but there it is. I’m 39 years old and this is a first pregnancy.

How do I even go about navigating this?

I'm really sorry if the above post is grim for people. It's not meant to cause any offence. I feel so terrible that the above is even being considered.

Any advice would be so appreciated. I haven't told anyone my thoughts.

I think it's totally natural to feel overwhelmed at the prospect of bringing a baby into the world and everything that comes with that. It's a huge responsibility. But it's still early days and I think you really need time for the reality to sink in and for you to get your head around it all before you make any rash decisions.

Don't get ahead of yourself. It's absolutely normal even with a planned pregnancy to go "oh fuck oh fuck what have I done". I did it with my second!

The chances are high this is just a very normal wobble. You have plenty of time, so just wait at least a few weeks and see how you feel. IF you feel that you don't want to be pregnant in 3 or 4 weeks' time, you can contact BPAS or Marie Stopes. But for now, just give yourself time to sit with the idea and remember why you tried in the first place.

@rainbowstardrops. Thank you so much for replying.
You are right....I don't want to be making any rash choices. I'm not sure how to even make the decision though!
I'm aware my hormones will be all over the place too which won't be helping.

I want to go back to my non pregnant self. Where ironically I wanted to be pregnant!

Thank you @ScarfaceCwaw.
I'm nervous as hell.

A couple more weeks is very sensible to see if I calm the hell down.

I had this feeling with my first two pregnancies. It was horrible but I decided to wait as they were both planned and I felt so much better around 11 weeks when my hormones settled and was so happy to be pregnant. 3rd time around my anxiety and feeling of dread was overwhelming and it didn't get better and I terminated at 12 weeks.again it was planned but something felt very very wrong from the start. knew it was the right thing to do in my gut.

I would give yourself some time. Your hormones are all over the place and the reality of being pregnant even when planned can completely mess with your head. Try to take the pressure off and see how u feel in a few weeks time. xx

Thank you @Coffee247.
Your reply is appreciated.

I'm feeling horrible. I wish I could back and just not be pregnant. I don't want to make decision.x

It's very normal to feel this way. It's a big change to your life and pregnancy can be gruelling.
I'd planned for ages and it took us close to a year to conceive but there were still a number of times throughout my pregnancy when I felt like getting a termination.
Now I have my little girl I love her to bits and have zero regrets.

I've heard of similar stories and it was down to prenatal anxiety or depression. I'm not saying this is what you have but for some, the shift in hormones can create MH issues very quickly. In some of the stories, the person has terminated and then as soon as their hormones went back to pre pregnancy levels they were absolutely devetsated about the choice they made as they just weren't feeling like themselves. I havent put any of this very eloquently but I hope you get the gist!!! Theres no harm in talking it through with a doctor and giving yourself a few weeks. Think about why you wanted to stary a family in the first place x

Thank you @Fuzzyduck21. I know what you mean re hormones and I mustn't underestimate them. But I feel so much lighter knowing that termination is an option and actually hope that I miscarry.

It is truly terrible to be saying these things. I don't know if being 39 forced my hand a wee bit. It was kinda now or never. Didn't fully expect to get pregnant as I'm 39 and husband is 47. Old enough to know better you might say.

I really appreciate your reply. The replies have been nice. Don't feel i deserve it. This is such a taboo subject and not want I thought I'd ever be considering. Not in my wildest nightmares.

Hi all,
I’m not sure if this starts a new thread. Hope so!
I’m and a termination 2 weeks ago. I really believe it was the right choice. It was a planned pregnancy but it felt wrong for some reason and we decided to terminate. I don’t agree with what I did but it was the right decision.
I’m now wondering what to do. Is this a sign I didn’t actually want a baby? Should I now live a child free life? It’s all such a a rollercoaster.

@Coffee247

I had this feeling with my first two pregnancies. It was horrible but I decided to wait as they were both planned and I felt so much better around 11 weeks when my hormones settled and was so happy to be pregnant. 3rd time around my anxiety and feeling of dread was overwhelming and it didn't get better and I terminated at 12 weeks.again it was planned but something felt very very wrong from the start. knew it was the right thing to do in my gut.

I would give yourself some time. Your hormones are all over the place and the reality of being pregnant even when planned can completely mess with your head. Try to take the pressure off and see how u feel in a few weeks time. xx

this was me a few weeks ago. but i have regretted it ever since. i deliberated for months about trying for #3, and we did. one early mc, and we still tried again. then only slivers of joy, but mostly "how do we cope". terminated at 11w4d, after deliberating for WEEKS. we ignored the sliver of "we want this", and just focused on the logistics, and we both regret it. speak to a counsellor at a clinic who specializes in this type of decision and outcomes. best of luck.

There are reasons not to have children. Tipping point for the possible rescue of the biodiversity of the planet, and therefore survival of humans, is estimated to be within twelve years. There are already floods, fires, pollution of air, water and soil, storms, pandemics, collapse of order, failure of food supply, lack of drinking water, and invading throngs of displaced people crossing borders.

All this will be far far worse within your lifetime, let alone the century a newborn child might attempt to survive, if it can.

For those with maternal impulses, there are plenty of dumped unwanted existing children, or children whose parents have temporary problems meaning they need foster carers.

There is an important and potentially comforting fact, concerning doubts or potential regrets about stopping a pregnancy: Someone who takes deliberate efforts to stop it might easily merely be getting a bit ahead of what nature was going to do in any case. Very, very many pregnancies stop themselves, especially in the first trimester.

@alwayslucky. Thanks for this. I like your last paragraph. I find it very comforting.
Although I did terminate I didn’t get a scan before due to COVID. The nurse since has said that I actually may have had a missed miscarriage due to my lack of symptoms of pregnancy other that positive test (x 4) and missed period..And not having a massive bleed after the medical termination. I find this a better outcome.