I don't know if I can continue this pregnancy.. hand hold please no judgment.

[snapcrakleandpop]

I'm 32 and have a 4 year old DS. I love him but I'll be honest, I'm not maternal. I hate playing with him, I just have no desire to do stuff that entertains him. Everyone told me when I was pregnant my maternal instinct would kick in, and I liked the newborn cuddly stage but now the only thing I enjoy is the peace when he's at nursery. I think he's on the spectrum and is very hard work and demanding.
I'm 6 weeks pregnant with my 2nd. I wanted this and now I'm pregnant, I don't know why. Feeling like I should give him a sibling, pressure.. maybe even for something to look forward to after losing my sister last year.
I feel so sick which I never did with my first. I'm an emetophobic and I just cannot handle this mentally. I can't focus on anything or anyone but myself when I'm feeling sick and panicking, which is even more detrimental for DS.
DP has told his parents I'm expecting and said he can't believe I would let him tell them if I was feeling this way. I can't sleep, I feel too sick to eat, and I'm crying most days. He said that if I do abort he can't guarantee it won't have long lasting damage on our relationship.
I'm actually hoping I'll go to the toilet and be bleeding and the matter be taken out of my hands. I've been Googling how I can get hold of the tablets.
I could probably cope with another baby but I can't cope with the pregnancy, especially the way DS is as I get no break.
And then I think I don't even have the desire to be mothering to him, why am I having another.
I don't know if it's hormones, early depression or how I really feel.
I know how hard people want and try to be pregnant so I am sorry for feeling like this but I just wanted to talk to someone I suppose.

I didn't want to read and run. You sound in a very down place and I think it would be a good idea to speak to your go about this. I hope you find the right course for you

*GP not go

@longtompot

I didn't want to read and run. You sound in a very down place and I think it would be a good idea to speak to your go about this. I hope you find the right course for you

Thank you ❤️ someone from my GP surgery is meant to be ringing me at some point today as the majority of their appointments are over the phone at the minute. I'm just not entirely sure what to say x

I'm pregnant with baby no. 2. Planned. Much wanted. Honestly when I was suffering with the sickness (till around 16 weeks, last pregnancy stopped dead on 11 weeks) I was really struggling to understand why I'd wanted another. Wished I could of changed my mum. Felt terrible. But every thought I had was a negative to having a second.

My gp put me on anti sickness pills which really took the edge off. Which helped massively.

I'm 31 weeks now and all those negative thoughts have gone. I know 2 will be different and hard but I feel so much more positive since the sickness stopped.

I have three children and found playing with them really boring. It really helps having a sibling as then they play together. Makes it much easier for you in the long run.

@snapcrakleandpop just say what you've written here. I hope you've had your call, and it went well, or you have it soon and it goes well

Thank you everyone. GP still hasn't rang which is typical.. I hate waiting when I feel so anxious as it is.
I think it's a case of I feel sick which causes anxiety and then I get anxiety because I feel sick. I just can't concentrate on being a mum when I feel this way and adding another to the mix just feels like the worst thing to do.
Hopefully speaking to the GP might help me.

Hi op. I’m so sorry you are feeling so awful.
Let us know how the call with the GP goes.
Is your oh usually supportive? I just ask because the comments you said he made sounds like he’s not really fully appreciating how you feel.

I guess the difficulty will be figuring out if how you feel about the pregnancy is related mainly to feeling sick/anxiety and your feelings about that or if you genuinely don’t want to progress with another child even separately from the sickness/anxiety issue.

Oh OP I really feel for you.

I had horrendous sickness with DC2. It was very extreme and I was considering termination. I was prescribed cyclezine which helped, and ondansetron a bit later, which helped hugely.

Do keep on with your GP. There are some very supportive threads on pregnancy about hyperemesis (extreme sickness counts). A few have terminated due to it. There is lots of non judgemental support.

@AIMD

Hi op. I’m so sorry you are feeling so awful. Let us know how the call with the GP goes. Is your oh usually supportive? I just ask because the comments you said he made sounds like he’s not really fully appreciating how you feel.

I guess the difficulty will be figuring out if how you feel about the pregnancy is related mainly to feeling sick/anxiety and your feelings about that or if you genuinely don’t want to progress with another child even separately from the sickness/anxiety issue.

He's not massively supportive. He's only supportive when things are going ok, he can't handle me when I'm struggling. He wasn't great when my sister died. I have wondered that. I don't know if it's the nausea alone and worry about sickness that is making me want to terminate (it is a very severe phobia) or if it's a red herring. I didn't expect to feel this way after 6 months or whatever of trying. I've even done a pros and cons..

@WaveOverMe

Oh OP I really feel for you.

I had horrendous sickness with DC2. It was very extreme and I was considering termination. I was prescribed cyclezine which helped, and ondansetron a bit later, which helped hugely.

Do keep on with your GP. There are some very supportive threads on pregnancy about hyperemesis (extreme sickness counts). A few have terminated due to it. There is lots of non judgemental support.

Thank you. I'll have a look at it. I just wish I didn't have this bloody phobia!

When I was pregnant with DC1 my sickness was horrendous. The GP prescribed me with cyclizine tablets, that massively helped.

I think if your DP doesn't want you to have an abortion, he has to step up and do more to help you.

When I was pregnant with DC2, most of the time I had DC1 watching Cbeebies as I had no energy to play with him.

When you say rocky relationship, has this been since the pandemic or before 2020?

My marriage has nosedived since lockdown 1.

I found myself unexpectedly pregnant a few yrs ago, my DS was 3 at the time. I terminated the pregnancy as I just couldn't face going through it all again. Slightly different to your situation as I think yours was planned? But even still, if you feel it's actually not right, then of course, you don't have to continue.

However I'd say that if your thoughts are being primarily driven by the fact that you feel so sick, then there are treatment options for you. I wouldn't rush into termination for that reason

Hi OP,

I'm not advocating anything one way or the other as of course this has to be your decision.

However , just to let you know that if you were to choose a termination then due to Covid, and the fact you are only 6 weeks, you would take the pills and have an induced miscarriage at home.

I'm just mentioning this because you said if you went to the toilet and were bleeding the matter would be taken out of your hands.

You wouldn't be able to hide the miscarriage process from your husband though as you will feel extremely sick and giddy, and in pain. You will possibly not be able to do much but lie down for up to 24 hours.

Wishing you all the best whatever you decide, and take care of yourself.

I don’t know if it helps but I have a 23 year old who I am incredibly close to and love every inch of. I hated playing, my husband had to do all that stuff. I was the cuddler and story reader and chatty one. The games, toys, park my husband did.

I don’t see the desire to play as the definition of maternal instinct.

@snapcrakleandpop

It’s unfair of your partner to pressure you when he isn’t able to be properly supportive. At the end of the day it’s your body and you will be the person providing the bulk of care for the baby alongside your other child (I assume). It’s massively unfair of him not to acknowledge properly the impact on you. You do what you feel is right.

Maybe if the dr can prescribe something to help with the sickness and that passes you will feel more able to Balance out where your feelings are coming from.

OP, I'm so sorry you are feeling this way.
I just want to start by saying I'm a fellow emetophobe, and also currently 30 weeks pregnant. I suffered badly with hyperemesis (severe pregnancy sickness) for 3 months and was hospitalised for IV fluids at one point. It's absolutely awful, it was the worst time of my life. I had the same thoughts as you - it consumed by every waking moment and I seriously considered termination at my absolute lowest. My DP was also extremely upset at the mention of termination, he said at the time he wasn't sure if it might break us. I just felt horrendous every day and didn't want to keep feeling it, and didn't think I could keep going. Somehow, I made it to 7 months. I knew deep down I wanted my baby and I just had to take one small step at a time, each day. The first trimester is horrific - and for emetophobia sufferers it's almost unbearable. But I promise, it gets better. And there are antisickness tablets they can prescribe too if it gets bad - my sickness was so out of control I was on 3 different types.

Sending you huge hugs

Hope you are ok OP, I felt exactly the same during the start of this pregnancy and my previous pregnancy, badly sick with both. I made it to the termination clinic but didn't go through with it, no problem with it had one before and totally pro choice.

For me I felt so much better once the sickness went away, I think some people struggle with depression in early pregnancy and I'm definitely in that camp too.

I hope you come to the right decision, it's a horrible and lonely place to be. I'm not emetaphobic so it must be double hard for you. Also you need your husbands support and the fact that he's told family makes things 10 x harder. I think you could pass the termination off as a m/c at this stage if that's what you choose to do.