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This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Pregnancy choices

Considering abortion.. please help

10 replies

Bittersweet12 · 02/02/2021 16:15

Please no one judge me, don't respond with hate it's really the last thing I need.

So last year I had my DD in may. Whilst I was planning more children in the future I didn't think this soon! After a silly one night (yes I know my mistake) I've managed to fall pregnant again. And I'm so torn what to do.

I know time and time again people say you will love your second just as much as your first, that was a worry to me before this happened just imagining loving another child, but now I'm pregnant that's not so much a worry. I just worry how I would cope, wonder if this is really what I want now!

My DD is so hands on, whilst I'm aware she will probably be a lot more independent by the time a second baby would come along I just don't know if I would even want to cope with that!
She wouldn't be talking, she's not the best sleeper I couldn't imagine her being upset though the night and tending to a new born at the same time.

Whilst my partner will help out he works a lot and so most things will be left to me, and I just really don't know if I want to deal with that! I can just about cope with my DD now. The thought of adding another fills be with fear rather than excitement... but I don't know if I could go ahead with termination either, does anyone have any advice or experiences they could share? Thank you

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honeysuckle21 · 03/02/2021 14:44

Sorry op it's not nice when you're not sure either way, the pros of having them together is you'll have the sleepless nights over quicker as they grow up together, they'll probably be quite close too, sibling rivalry won't be so hard as your DD won't ever remember being an only child.
Quite understand though, it is shattering being a new mum already and the pregnancy hormones are making you more tired than usual.
Don't rush to make the decision, do what's best for you.

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lustforlife · 03/02/2021 14:55

Hi, not really any advice but just wanted to say I'm in a similar situation. I have a 6 month old DD and just found out I'm about 5 weeks pregnant. My partner is supportive of whatever I decide but I'm so unsure. I feel so guilty towards my daughter! I don't know how I could love another like I do her. Like yours, she is very needy and a terrible sleeper so I don't know how I'd cope. If it helps, I've booked a telephone consultation with BPAS today and it's in two weeks time so I have two weeks really to decide. Good luck whatever you decide Thanks

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Bittersweet12 · 03/02/2021 16:33

@lustforlife

Hi, not really any advice but just wanted to say I'm in a similar situation. I have a 6 month old DD and just found out I'm about 5 weeks pregnant. My partner is supportive of whatever I decide but I'm so unsure. I feel so guilty towards my daughter! I don't know how I could love another like I do her. Like yours, she is very needy and a terrible sleeper so I don't know how I'd cope. If it helps, I've booked a telephone consultation with BPAS today and it's in two weeks time so I have two weeks really to decide. Good luck whatever you decide Thanks

I've done the same mine is in 2 weeks to! It so hard isn't it to know what's for the best! I know how you feel
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thenewduchessofhastings · 03/02/2021 16:43

There's almost 16 months between my 2 eldest;my husband is and always has been a workaholic.

There's then 20 months between babies 2 and 3 and 24 months between babies 3 and 4.

I spent a lot of time alone with 4 tiny children.I must have been insane but I survived.Just.Their now teenagers and best friends however I look back at that time and wonder how I did it because I honestly don't know how.

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mootymoo · 03/02/2021 16:49

Mine are 2 years apart and it was very hard work, little did I know when I fell pregnant that my dd1 would be diagnosed with autism 2 weeks after I gave birth to dd2 which resulted in lots of medical appointments, therapy, early intervention programme etc. Really hard with a new born! If I had my time again I would double the gap. Everyone is different though and some love that their kids are close in age. Only you know if you have capacity to cope physically, emotionally and financially with a second child and nobody should judge you if you take the decision to terminate on the grounds that you cannot, its being responsible! But I would be careful who you tell if anyone in rl as emotions run high with terminating

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Woodlandbelle · 03/02/2021 16:53

I have just over 13 month gap with mine. It was planned so I know that's different. But just to say on a practical level it was easy enough. Both play together and bathing one is the same as bathing two. Both similar age so homework and stories and so on are mainly the same. I know that's not everything. Lot of my friends have a close gap and feel the same way. In the early days dh was hands on at night. That was important so I don't know of yours isn't hands on and two wake up at night.. Well he is going to have to buck up and start being hands on. Pm me if any questions. But I totally understandable if not planned. Maybe good to talk to someone in real life. Flowers

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Bittersweet12 · 03/02/2021 21:21

@thenewduchessofhastings

There's almost 16 months between my 2 eldest;my husband is and always has been a workaholic.

There's then 20 months between babies 2 and 3 and 24 months between babies 3 and 4.

I spent a lot of time alone with 4 tiny children.I must have been insane but I survived.Just.Their now teenagers and best friends however I look back at that time and wonder how I did it because I honestly don't know how.


That's my fear I just about cope with DD now whilst my partner works, I don't know how I would with 2 x
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Bittersweet12 · 03/02/2021 21:24

@Woodlandbelle

I have just over 13 month gap with mine. It was planned so I know that's different. But just to say on a practical level it was easy enough. Both play together and bathing one is the same as bathing two. Both similar age so homework and stories and so on are mainly the same. I know that's not everything. Lot of my friends have a close gap and feel the same way. In the early days dh was hands on at night. That was important so I don't know of yours isn't hands on and two wake up at night.. Well he is going to have to buck up and start being hands on. Pm me if any questions. But I totally understandable if not planned. Maybe good to talk to someone in real life. Flowers

No he is very hands on he just works nights sometimes which would mean id be alone with the 2, and that's where I worry! I've thought about the positives like you said being into same things ect but I just can't imagine how hard it would be especially when my DD is so hands on, clingy, and not the best sleeper x
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strawberriesontheNeva · 03/02/2021 22:12

You Mention becoming preganant after a one night stand but also that you have a partner who would help out? Would he help out if the baby is not his baby?
It's a big decision to have an abortion. Try to get some councilling.

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Coffee247 · 04/02/2021 18:34

Hi @Bittersweet12 I can only give you my experience which is I found life so much easier with 2. My partner works long shifts and some days doesn't see them at all 5 days a week. But I still found it easier. I could find life with one on my own quite monotonous at times even though I always made lots of plans. But with 2 that doesn't happen as you have two at different stages. I found I'd spend some time playing something older with dd1 and then could switch to baby cuddles. Now they have started playing together its lovely and its quite nice to sit and havea coffee while they do.

I understand the fear. I had it too all the way through my 2nd pregnancy. But thankfully everything was fine. But that is just my experience.

As you say its whether or not you feel you want to cope with 2 or not. How many weeks are you? Can you take some time to think about it? If you feel having another isn't something you want to do there is nothing wrong with that at all. Only you know whats best for your family xx

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