Completely torn with unplanned pregnancy.

[Mummoffonee]

Hi, sorry this is a long post -

I’m just over 9 weeks pg. I managed to fall pregnant on the mini pill.. A couple of weeks after finding out I decided to book an appointment with bpas as I have been really torn over what to do. It’s taken around 3 and a half weeks to get an appointment at the clinic. The appointment is tomorrow. I have to take the tablets tomorrow as I am at the cut off point for a medical abortion and I really don’t want surgery so I have to decide tomorrow :( I am still so split between keeping the baby or going through with termination.

Me and my partner are in a very stable and happy relationship. I have a daughter who is almost 5 from a previous relationship. My partner has been involved since she was 2 and loves her like his own. They have an amazing relationship. We have our own place. Money really isn’t an issue. We would cope fine.

I’m not really sure what I’m asking I’m just mentally exhausted and drained by thinking about it all day everyday. I’ve had a couple of counselling phone calls which helped initially but ultimately hasn’t helped with my decision. I have wrote a list of the things I want to achieve before having another baby. Taking the first step in my carer, married, own our own home and I want to be in a position where I can take a couple of years out of work to have a baby. And when I remind myself of this I know termination is the only answer. I also don’t want to take time/space and focus away from our daughter.

But it’s just so hard. I worry I will regret a termination. I should mention I suffered an ectopic pregnancy a couple months prior to falling pregnant. I had to have my left tube removed. I had a scan as soon as I found out this time to make sure it wasn’t another ectopic. Everything was fine and they told me I actually ovulated from my left side which makes things harder.

I have made peace with the ectopic and losing my tube and see it as a sign that we aren’t ready for a baby. Thing is I know how much our lives will change if we have this baby. Our relationship will change too. Not negatively, just different to what it is now. I’m just not ready for our lives to change. I love my life just how it is at the moment.

Sorry I’m just waffling on now. My mum is completely pro life and is totally against abortion so I can’t talk to her. And my boyfriends mum is all for abortion. So I guess my only space to talk is here. Obviously I can talk to my partner but he is just as stuck as me.

I guess I can’t stand the thought of our lives changing as I love our lives as they are (I’m really not ready for it to change). But I also can’t stand the thought of aborting our baby (although I’m trying to remind myself it’s the size of a grape) I have to make my mind up by tomorrow and I just can’t.

Sorry for the long post but has anyone had a similar experience? Or can anyone offer some honest advice? I am going out of my mind. Thank you for reading.

Hello... no real advice but I didn’t want to read and run. You sound like you’re very sensible and have weighed up all the pros and cons. It also sounds like, should age not be a limiting factor, you may concieve easily enough in a few years’ time. You listed a lot of reasons not to have this baby and I’m sorry you’re stuck in this place xx if it’s any consolation I had a medical abortion last week and it was one evening of pain and then I felt so much better (and relieved) the next day.

Reading that has made me feel better so thank you. I suppose deep down I know what needs to be done but it’s just actually taking the step and taking the first tablet. I know I won’t be able to go back once I do and that also really worries me. I’m not sure how you’re supposed to feel when it comes to an abortion xx

Hi mumoffonee, I just wanted to ask why you dont want a surgical abortion? I only ask because if you really are torn and aren't completely sure of your decision could you give yourself some time? I had a surgical and the whole experience was very positive. I waited until I was 12 weeks because I honestly couldn't work out where my head was. But then one day it was like a light bulb.

The one thing that made me realise a termination was what I wanted was when my husband said " screw it let's just go through with the pregnancy" after weeks or deliberation, and my gut felt so sick and I felt so panicked at the suggestion and on the inside I just thought noooo. At that point I knew where my heart was at. I wonder if you picture the same how do you feel?

Its such a hard messed up thing to get your head around. I think just really try to be sure before you do it, and if you aren't just think if you do need a couple more weeks so you can be more at peace afterwards. I was 100 percent at peace with my decision and it is still an emotional process you need to grieve through. I would just hate for you to have to deal with regret too on top of that. X

I also can’t stand the thought of aborting our baby

If you feel like this then my advice would be not to do it. Because the decision will last your lifetime and there will be no changing it. I had severe emotional damage after an abortion and I also went into thinking it would be the 'sensible' thing to do but feeling I couldn't bear to do it.

You are you - problem is you won't know how you react until after it's too late. Personally I wouldn't risk it. You have no really pressing reason to abort.

But that's just my opinion. Sharing my experience.