Dont know what to do. So confused and down

[Inabitoftrouble]

Hi i have been stalking this board all week but still im so confused.

Ill try keep this brief. Im 35 in a long term relationship of 7 years. I have 2 dc, 9 and 2. 2 yr old is my DP and 9yr old feom previous relationship.

DP has been in my 9yrs life since she was 2. Their relationship has been rocky at best. He is very strict with her and picks her up for every little thing. Since my 2 yr old has came along he has got worse with my 9yr old. There is an atmosphere in the house and he tries to push her away and sends her to her room all the time! She is a handful dont get me wrong but what 9yr old isnt. It breaks my heart.

My 2 yr old can do no wrong and he showers her with affection. He doesnt grace my 9yr old with a hello or goodnight. I cant stand it.

I was planning to get my ducks in a row and leave but covid has made this a bit harder. In the meantime ive fallen pregant, 5 weeks. Im not happy about it at all. He is delighted.

My question is do i go against his wishes and terminate anyway which will be the final nail in the coffin of this relationship or do i take his feelings into account and continue. A termination would devastate him and i feel guilty, it takes two to tango and i should have made more of an effort to prevent this. I was using the timing method for 2 yrs, my cycle must have changed this month.

It doesn't sound like you want to be with him still? Will another child make it harder to leave? These are things you have to consider. If you don't want the baby just tell him you lost the baby and then you can plan a way out. I know people will disagree with this but you have to do whats best for you.

The way he treats your 9yr old is totally unacceptable and verging on cruel. I think you are right in deciding to leave the relationship at the very least for your 9yr olds well-being. If having another baby would drag things out and you don’t want to continue the pregnancy I would just tell him you miscarried and then continue with your plans to leave. I had a medical termination at 5 weeks and a previous miscarriage at 5 weeks also and both were straightforward in terms of bleeding and pain (in fact very little pain with the termination). So if you do decide to terminate you should be able to have pills and have it done fairly quickly (depending on your area). Good luck with everything x

I kid you not i would leave my partner in a hearbeat if he ever did this to my son.
My blood boils thinking about it. I dont have a child with him yet, but weve had this conversation that when the times right and i have his child he is to treat them the same and that i will not hesitate to leave if he treats my son as an inferior to his own biological child and makes it blatantly obvious to my son.
In my eyes this is choosing a partner over your own child.
Your daughter needs to know you are on her side. This is cruel.
Im fuming by this. Genuinely fuming.

Terminate and leave. Protect your daughter

Also your body your rules. He doesnt own your uterus. He has no decision on what happens inside your body and what you choose to do with it.
Do what you feel is right. But know you can also raise a baby a 2 year old and a 9 year old all by yourself. You. Do. Not. Need. Him.

Also women have this tendancy to do things out of guilt, literally have a baby out of guilt, thats a commitment for life out of guilt. We need to stop letting men make us feel guilty about making our own decisions.

If your only reason to have a child is out of guilt then id say terminate. Thats not your decision.

Hi @Inabitoftrouble, how are you doing? I have been keeping an eye out on your thread to see how things are but no replies :(

I hope you're ok and your 2 DCs are ok - life can be very difficult, full of difficult decisions :(

Thinking of you all x