I wanted this and now I'm not sure..

[scaredycat88]

I wanted to get pregnant. I did. I have a 4 year old and I've not been on the pill since august.
I've just found out and I'm pregnant and I really don't feel like I can or want to go ahead. I'm so scared and I'm just not sure I can go through it all again. I'm very early.
DH won't even entertain the idea but it is at the moment the only thing I can think about to get me out of this.
Is this just shock I am in?

I think a lot of women think this way even when they have planned to get pregnant.

@Bythemillpond

I think a lot of women think this way even when they have planned to get pregnant.

Does it pass? Is it just a way of getting over the initial shock? I'm honestly thinking of just going to stay with my mum and getting the abortion pills and pretending I miscarried. How awful is that. But it's all I can think.

It must do otherwise the human race would die out pretty quickly. It is a combination of shock and being scared to death of what you are giving up. Even if you have planned everything meticulously you suddenly can make huge lists about why it isn’t a good idea.

If you had planned on getting pregnant I think amongst all the nice ideas of what it is going to be like there is an inkling it isn’t going to happen or it is a nice idea that is going to happen at some point in your life just not now. But when you suddenly find you are pregnant the reality suddenly looks terrifying.

@Bythemillpond

It must do otherwise the human race would die out pretty quickly. It is a combination of shock and being scared to death of what you are giving up. Even if you have planned everything meticulously you suddenly can make huge lists about why it isn’t a good idea.

If you had planned on getting pregnant I think amongst all the nice ideas of what it is going to be like there is an inkling it isn’t going to happen or it is a nice idea that is going to happen at some point in your life just not now. But when you suddenly find you are pregnant the reality suddenly looks terrifying.

You hit the nail on the head in the last paragraph. When it feels like it won't happen at all or for a long time it's easy to just see the nice side to it, everyone happy and all the nice announcements and having this new baby. Then when you find out it's terrifying. It's the start of a long road that you don't know how it'll go. I'm reading into the abortion pill as we speak how awful is that.

I think you have to consider what it is you want. If you planned having a child then this is what you will have in 9 months and look at the bigger picture.
No one is ever prepared for the journey no matter how planned everything is.
You have to consider if you want children that you will more than likely feel the same way again and again.
I think you just have to hold on tight for the ride of your life.
If you have a 4 year old then I personally think that is a good age gap. Because of the age gap between myself and my sister we were always at different stages in our lives.

Your 4 year old will love having a baby brother or sister.

@Bythemillpond

I think you have to consider what it is you want. If you planned having a child then this is what you will have in 9 months and look at the bigger picture. No one is ever prepared for the journey no matter how planned everything is. You have to consider if you want children that you will more than likely feel the same way again and again. I think you just have to hold on tight for the ride of your life. If you have a 4 year old then I personally think that is a good age gap. Because of the age gap between myself and my sister we were always at different stages in our lives.

Your 4 year old will love having a baby brother or sister.

Thank you. It is another baby I would like and then as a family of 4 I think we would be complete. Neither me nor DH have brothers or sisters so I feel a bit sad for my little boy as he's not going to have any cousins or anything, which both of us were lucky to have. I was extremely close to my cousin until she passed away last year. So I think another in the future gives him someone to go through life with, to possibly make him an uncle etc in many years to come.

If I could click my fingers and have a baby I would probably go for it. It's just at the moment the thought of being pregnant, potential morning sickness with my phobia being so debilitating, going through labour again with the possibility to not being allowed anyone with me.
Which is why the thought is crossing my mind to end it while it's so early and just stick to having our one boy. I can't sleep or relax even though I'm exhausted, my mind just won't stop racing.

@Bythemillpond

It must do otherwise the human race would die out pretty quickly. It is a combination of shock and being scared to death of what you are giving up. Even if you have planned everything meticulously you suddenly can make huge lists about why it isn’t a good idea.

If you had planned on getting pregnant I think amongst all the nice ideas of what it is going to be like there is an inkling it isn’t going to happen or it is a nice idea that is going to happen at some point in your life just not now. But when you suddenly find you are pregnant the reality suddenly looks terrifying.

Spot on. Currently 8 weeks with my first and spent the last 3 weeks experiencing deep depression and regret even though this was a planned pregnancy. The reality of how hard pregnancy and infants are his you as soon as it's real. Everyone keeps telling me these feelings will lift and I'll be excited soon, but for now I sympathize, OP.

You have a bit of time to decide as you are so early.
I think maybe it’s looking at it long term and not the initial shock. Despite actively trying for my second when I found out I had serious doubts about it as I found pregnancy and the baby years very difficult, but I knew in the long term I wanted 2 children so I sort of gritted my teeth and got through it. Now mine are older and great friends, it was the right decision for me.
Saying that there is no shame in deciding you just want the one child if it is better for your circumstances.

@Shingleballs

You have a bit of time to decide as you are so early. I think maybe it’s looking at it long term and not the initial shock. Despite actively trying for my second when I found out I had serious doubts about it as I found pregnancy and the baby years very difficult, but I knew in the long term I wanted 2 children so I sort of gritted my teeth and got through it. Now mine are older and great friends, it was the right decision for me. Saying that there is no shame in deciding you just want the one child if it is better for your circumstances.

Thank you for your reply. I haven't mentioned I have a severe debilitating phobia of vomiting, which is what is occupying a lot of my thoughts too. I'm worried I was just lucky with my first and having another would be tempting fate. If I could click my fingers and be a year from now I would. To some extent I didn't mind labour too much but I'm just scared of the sickness. I would love a little baby again but it's just the getting there and the guilt about my son that's worrying me. DH wouldn't even entertain the idea of a termination. I would have to either hide it from him and pass it off as natural loss, or he would probably leave me to be honest. I didn't expect to feel like this at all. As you can see it's 5.30am and not slept a wink for the second night in a row. I've just kept crying them curled up shaking.

I sympathize OP! I remember I had a bit the same feeling at the beginning of my pregnancies as I do at the top of rollercoaster - panicky terror.

Sorry you feel this way, OP. I can relate as I was the same as you - one child, planned another, happened quickly and I panicked. I realised I couldn't get though a debilitating pregnancy again. I has severe hyperemesis, bled till 26 weeks, needed crutches to get around and finally a traumatic birth. We chose not to continue due to my declining mental health and I have never regretted that decision. We stayed as a family of 3 and in hindsight we should never have planned to try again. You don't have to be pregnant if you don't want to be. Good luck.

Hi hun. With both my first and second pregnancies which were both planned I considered abortion in the early weeks because of the fear, and morning sickness and hormones. But as soon as my hormones and morning sickness settled near the end of the first trimester i was so happy to be pregnant. However third pregnancy the anxiety was overwhelming, and it was a little different due to certain risks I was facing with the 3rd pregnancy, but I decided to terminate. I did wait for my hormones and morning sickness to settle around 11 weeks but I still wanted to terminate when I reached that stage and I dont regret the decision.

I think just take a little time if you can just to make sure its really what you want. Ideally I'd have terminated as soon as possible but I wanted to be really sure of my decision xx

I felt the same in this pregnancy, almost terminated too but I think deep down I knew it was the depression of early pregnancy making me feel like that. I understand completely how you feel! My feelings have definitely got better as the pregnancy progresses.

I’m so sorry you are feeling this way! I would give it time... give yourself a few weeks, take a deep breath. I terminated at 6 weeks in September and regret it so bad. It opens up a whole other can of worms. It would have honestly been easier emotionally to stay pregnant. Everyone is different, but I would give yourself time and look at the long game. Hope you feel better soon!!!