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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

Pros and cons of 1 child? So confused.

27 replies

Bittersweet12 · 12/01/2021 11:26

A bit of a taboo subject so bare with and don't judge.
So i have one child, who I gave birth to in may last year. Absolutely wasn't planned but loved so dearly. The absolute centre of my world she is so loved and everything to both me and my partner.
We had always said we had wanted more children, but planned a little bit of an age gap but not to big, surprisingly I have fell pregnant yet again, my child is 8 months old and I just don't know how I feel or what to do.
I know termination is a taboo subject but I don't know if that's the right thing for us to do.
I have such a mix of emotions, but If I was not to go ahead with the pregnancy I am certain I wouldn't want anymore in the future leaving DD an only child which I don't know how to feel about that either!
My DD is a spoilt rotten, not to blow our own trumpets but she has everything and more I could possibly want her to have, my parents spoil her rotten to, and obviously with a second we wouldn't be able to do that the way we do now.
I know it's normal to feel guilt on how you would love another child the way you love your first, but I just feel like maybe I haven't had enough time with just her alone first? I feel maybe I would be forcing her to be a older sibling when she's still very much a baby herself, I feel there is pressure on me to have her sleeping through sooner moved on her own room ect because of a new baby.
My parents have always said they would be making her a bedroom at there house for sleep overs with dd, but she hasn't had chance to even do that yet due to her not sleeping though yet and I didn't want her to sleep out without sleeping though and I think they meant more of when she was a toddler to of course.
So my question is you was an only child how did that feel for you? Did you wish you had siblings? And if you have had 1 child and are staying at that why? And If you have had more than the 1 why as well? Sorry this ended up so long I am just so confused right now

OP posts:
Hotpinkangel19 · 12/01/2021 11:34

I was an only child and mostly it didn't bother me, sometimes I liked it, but sometimes I wished I had someone to play with. I now have 4 children. 2 of them would prefer to be only children! As long as you put the effort into spending quality time with them, and you aren't both constantly working, passing the child around to family members. But if you're already pregnant I'd have the baby.

AtLastEarwax · 09/02/2021 08:20

Why are you here? This is a multiple birth board?

This really isn't the place for you

AtLastEarwax · 09/02/2021 08:22

Also really really don't take offence but what your feeling is not normal, you sound hard work and frankly fucking ungrateful

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 09/02/2021 08:25

Bittersweet12 there is a pregnancy choices board and a one child families board. You've posted on a board for parents of twins, triplets and more. Maybe ask @MNHQ to move your post.

DinosaurDiana · 09/02/2021 08:28

I am an only child and I would have loved full blooded siblings.
But your post is in the wrong place, ask admin to move it.

Cakeandslippers · 09/02/2021 08:29

I actually think what you're feeling is very normal. I ended up pregnant when my first was 8mo and it was a surprise. I was shocked and stressed but was ok but I have spoken to lots of people since who felt similar to you.

It's actually wonderful. I mean it's hard, hard work. Neither of mine sleep through (they are 2yo and 7 months now) and I'm so drained but they totally adore each other and it's lovely to see. I can't advise you on what to do but I saw it as me giving my first a sibling rather than taking anything away. Also I always wanted 2 kids and so didn't feel guilty about it as my youngest, regardless of when they arrived, would never have the experience of all my attention so I couldn't feel bad that the eldest was no longer having that as I love them both.

ohidoliketobe · 09/02/2021 08:35

I'm an only child. Hated it as a child, lonely and boring. Hate it as an adult - love my DPs but I'm guilted into spending every occasion with them as who else would they see? No one else to share problems or concerns about them with, they joke that it'll be me making decisions for them by myself when they're older, like care decisions or even funeral plans.

As pp have said ask for this to be moved as its a board for multiple pregnancies I. E. Triplets, twins...

Original poster
Bittersweet12 · 09/02/2021 11:08

@AtLastEarwax

Why are you here? This is a multiple birth board?

This really isn't the place for you

God your so mesn, there is no need for awful people like you to be posting me someone's thread. Yes maybe I got it in the wrong place but there's no need to personally attack me you should be ashamed of yourself.
OP posts:
Original poster
Bittersweet12 · 09/02/2021 11:09

@AtLastEarwax

Why are you here? This is a multiple birth board?

This really isn't the place for you

And you sound hard word, and damn right rude
OP posts:
AtLastEarwax · 09/02/2021 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bittersweet12 · 09/02/2021 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bittersweet12 · 09/02/2021 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Post references deleted post Talk Guidelines.

RubaiyatOfAnyone · 09/02/2021 20:17

...well that escalated quickly...

OP, i can’t answer your question directly, but i waited 4 years to have dd2 to be sure i wanted more than one, so i know how big a decision it can be. Have you tried looking at it from how you would feel if the decision was taken away from you? Would you feel relief or sadness? One thing i can assure you of, no matter how treasured and marvellous your pfb, your second will be exactly as treasured and marvellous in their own way as soon as they appear. There is no finite amount of wonder to go around, it expands with every new addition to a family.

AtLastEarwax · 09/02/2021 20:35

Didn't even see it, take it OP took offence haha

Still stand by my points though, don't get pregnant and then bang on about your spoilt child

Simples. YP

MNHQ
LilyMumsnet · 09/02/2021 20:58

Hi folks

We're just moving this over to pregnancy choices. Flowers

QueenOfLabradors · 09/02/2021 21:01

I've reported this thread to MNHQ and asked them to move it to the appropriate section of the forum. I clicked on it to help provide support to other multiple birth parents, not to see a bunfight.

QueenOfLabradors · 09/02/2021 21:02

@LilyMumsnet

Hi folks

We're just moving this over to pregnancy choices. Flowers

Sorry Lily xposted!
Clangerschick · 09/02/2021 21:16

I was an only child up until the age of 10. Absolutely hated it. Was so lonely and shy and found making friends hard whenever we went anywhere (think playgrounds, holiday clubs , dance classes ect ) as it’s so much easier to make friends and talk to others when you’ve already got someone to talk to/play with. Life completely changed 180 degrees when my half sibling was born and although the big age gap obv meant we weren’t going to the same school/hobbies at the same time it’s still lovely to have someone other than your parents to talk to when u get home. I was 100% adament if I had children there’s no way (God willing obviously) that I would have an only child having gone through it myself for 10 years.

RubaiyatOfAnyone · 09/02/2021 21:24

You know, I’ve been on MN for years and never come across such a territorial response to a misplaced post.

Many people post every day in the wrong sections of MN, sometimes because they are new and/or don’t know about the more obscure sections, sometimes because they simply make a mistake and there is no “edit” function.

Is there some reason why Multiple Births has such an appalling response to simple human error? Is it always like this here, or did the OP just get very unlucky?

Original poster
Bittersweet12 · 09/02/2021 21:26

@AtLastEarwax

Didn't even see it, take it OP took offence haha

Still stand by my points though, don't get pregnant and then bang on about your spoilt child

Simples. YP

Took offence, how can you expect me not to take offence when your saying I'm 'banging on' about my spoilt child. My child is 8 month old, to say something you don't know anything about so rudely is uncalled for.
OP posts:
Original poster
Bittersweet12 · 09/02/2021 21:27

@RubaiyatOfAnyone

You know, I’ve been on MN for years and never come across such a territorial response to a misplaced post.

Many people post every day in the wrong sections of MN, sometimes because they are new and/or don’t know about the more obscure sections, sometimes because they simply make a mistake and there is no “edit” function.

Is there some reason why Multiple Births has such an appalling response to simple human error? Is it always like this here, or did the OP just get very unlucky?

Honestly I'm disgusted at the way I've been spoken to by some on here! I didn't exactly mean to post it in the wrong section I didn't realise a mistake called for me getting spoken to like that but some people are just mean I guess
OP posts:
PCar20 · 09/02/2021 21:33

What contraception were you using?

Teakind · 09/02/2021 21:35

Hi OP, I think giving your child a sibling is the best gift. I think being an only child can be very lonely, although I appreciate not everyone is lucky enough to be able to have more than one.

I have two young children with a relatively small age gap and watching them play together gives me such joy. I’m expecting my third child too.

I’m one of three myself and am very close to my siblings. It feels like a ‘team’ if that makes sense and we know we are always there for each other. Friends are obviously great but there’s something about family that can’t be matched.

QueenOfLabradors · 09/02/2021 21:35

@RubaiyatOfAnyone

You know, I’ve been on MN for years and never come across such a territorial response to a misplaced post.

Many people post every day in the wrong sections of MN, sometimes because they are new and/or don’t know about the more obscure sections, sometimes because they simply make a mistake and there is no “edit” function.

Is there some reason why Multiple Births has such an appalling response to simple human error? Is it always like this here, or did the OP just get very unlucky?

I've never before seen anything like this on Multiple Births - although I've also never before seen a mistaken OP on here either. I agree, it's quite easy to post in the 'wrong' place on the forum, especially for app and phone users. I think what touched a few raw spots was that OP was talking about making a choice about having a second child or not at an audience who didn't get to make a choice about this. A large number of us multiple birth parents only discovered we were about to acquire more than one child well into our pregnancies, and at least one of us didn't find out until the 'afterbirth' came out kicking and screaming... (to be fair that was many years ago and both of the babies involved are now grandparents themselves!)
QueenOfLabradors · 09/02/2021 22:07

Meanwhile, now that the thread is in the most suitable area of the forum, I'll start thinking about OP's situation Smile

Having the support of my younger siblings, particularly the one who is only seventeen months younger than I am - so very close to the gap that your children might be - has been incredible as we've grown up together. Looking at the material things, yes, I got everything brand new, and yes, DSis got my hand-me-downs. But she also got special things just for her too. We have talked about this stuff as adults, and there's no resentment. Now that we are the joint elder stateswomen of a large extended family we work together to support a collection of aged parents and vulnerable for various reasons younger relatives. I think I might have cracked without her.