I’m keeping the baby - husband won’t speak to me.

[UsernameSpoosername]

After 2 weeks of hell & back and fourth about whether to keep this baby (I’m 7 weeks, we already have a 3 & 1 year old and were not planning a 3rd.) I told DH 2 days ago I couldn’t go through with an abortion.

He got pretty angry, basically said I’d done it on purpose & knew id keep it from the start. He said if I wanted another child I should of left him and met someone else.

I didn’t want another child
I certainly didn’t do it on purpose (he was actually there during conception too!)
At times I was 100% sure I’d have a termination so this hasn’t been an easy decision.

What the hell do I do? I feel choosing the abortion just for a peaceful life. What if he never gets over this and I’m left with 3 young babies and the feeling that I’m to blame?

Being a single parent to 3 young babies won’t be the worst thing in the world op.
Do you see a happy future with someone who is behaving this way? Will you ever get over the way he is angry at you for not terminating your baby? As you say, he was actually there for the conception too.

The decision is yours to make, you don't have to go through with either choice, just to appease your husband.

If he felt so strongly about this he should have sorted out his own contraception.

Agree with @AdditionalCharacter

If you want your baby, go ahead with the pregnancy. If you terminate against your will, your relationship will be over anyway. If you can't bear the thought of being a single parent to three, terminate and be a single parent to two - it might be easier, you might avoid some of the resentment a person might feel for being left alone with three. Do you think you'll be able to suck it up, say nothing, for the rest of your life if you terminate to satisfy him and try to stay together? Don't have a baby you don't want. Do what feels right to you.

We had a surprise 3rd too, my oh wasn't thrilled either but now 13 years later she's a daddy's girl and I can do no right!

I pointed out it took two to tango and told him if he didn't want to risk anymore children he should have the snip. He did when dd was 7 mths old.

We now have a 4th that we've adopted 🤦‍♀️

If he didn’t want any more kids he should have had a vasectomy. Do not have an abortion to suit him! He is being an ass

@UsernameSpoosername I completely agree with some of the posts above - it takes two to make a baby and he knows, whether he admits it or not, with what you’ve been battling in your mind the last few weeks that this isn’t something you planned and have considered all options and made a choice you’re happy with. I know it’s easy for me to say not being in this position. 9 months is such a long time to grow attachment and even if not then, like a poster above pointed out when he or she is here it’ll grow. You have to do what’s right for you - do you think he will honestly not come round to it? If not, you need to know that you can do this on your own, and even without his support you’ll have support in other ways around you. xx

How are you @YnysMon20 did you have your consultation yesterday? I wanted to see how you got on but given my situation has changed I didn’t want that effect you at all. Hope it all went well?

All’s the same here, no communication. All I can at this point is give him time!

@UsernameSpoosername I did - felt like a lifetime in the waiting, I was hoping I would receive my ‘package’ today but looks like tomorrow now, I’m still close than I was before. Please don’t worry about the fact your situation has changed, if you ever need to talk get in touch. I agree, I know it’s cliche and not extremely helpful to say ‘give it time’ but there’s not much else you can do - sometimes things work out and sometimes they don’t but I have no doubt you’ll be prepared and supported either way. I’m glad you made the decision that was right for you. xx

@YnysMon20 I hope it turns up tomorrow & it all
Goes smoothly, I’m sure it will. I have seen much more ‘good’ or ‘normal’ experiences than bad. I’ll be thinking of you! Feel free to message me if you need to vent whilst it’s all going on. & thank you for all your support xx

I'd fight fire with fire, OP. Go on the offensive.

"So I suppose you think I'm bloody thrilled that I get to give over my body to be someone else's life support for the next 7 months?!' Really go to town- point out, angrily, all the shit that a woman's body goes through in pregnancy, emphasise that you didn't want to be pregnant but that, now you are, you can't kill the life inside you and that's not your fault.

Ultimately, he's not the person this impacts most and it was an accident. He's no right to act like such a twat about it.

If you terminate “just” for him and go against what you feel is right, you will most likely resent him forever and it’s something that will just rot away your relationship. It’s absolutely his right to have an opinion, it’s his right to walk away but you have to decide about your baby. Unfortunately in these situations one will draw the short straw.
My DH was all for a termination and I nearly went through with it just to be left in peace but know that it would have made me resent him.
Best you can do is give him time and as hard as it seems now, keep communication going.
Like others have said, being a single mum isn’t the end of the world and at least you will feel at peace with your decision.

Sorry, but I think he’s being an arsehole.

Go with your instinct, it will be right.

Thanks everyone for your advice/support.

We were not using contraception only ‘timing’ right which was down to me... obviously we were fairly confident in this method but we needn’t have been, because it failed & I must of ovulated a week earlier than expected. So I did take some of the brunt of his anger to begin with as I felt like it was my fault. The whole time abortion was on the table he was very supportive, albeit a bit stressed.

I am human and I made a human error. I didn’t want another child, I didn’t do this on purpose. I am angry that the ‘contraceptive’ was all my responsibility and so now the mistake is all my fault (apparently.)

I’m hoping he will come round, calm down, get his head straight and realise this won’t ruin our entire lives. Who knows, maybe one day he’ll even thank me for making this decision?

But right now I feel the person I thought I knew most in the world, is acting like a spoilt, selfish stranger. I just do not recognise him. Only time will tell I guess, hopefully sooner rather than later! Because I am getting to the point where I am going to tell him to piss off & leave us to it. As terrifying as that is to me right now...

Contraception is the responsibility of both partners, not just one. If you came up with the timing idea and he went along with it then he is equally 'to blame'. He's being a dick.

Good luck whatever you decide OP

Sounds like you have an extra child in your relationship....he needs to grow up and stop giving you the silent treatment. How are you supposed to resolve/express how you feel if he won't talk! I'm in no way anti-abortion if it's the right thing to do and in the early stages weeks wise, however it sounds like you have made your decision. I would also tell him to piss off, then you'll have one less "child" to worry about.