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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Original poster

Pregnant again

13 replies

SilverWaterX · 06/01/2021 03:02

Found out recently I am pregnant and I cannot have this baby but the though of a termination is breaking my heart. It's not something I ever thought I would do. We already have 3dc, 5yo and 2 under 2. The youngest only 5 months.

I think I'm about 5 weeks but I have had some bleeding for the last week to 10 days with abdominal pain, and history of ectopic pregnancy so I think I will need to phone my local EPAU first thing.

I felt pressured into continuing my last pregnancy from DH and I am scared he may not agree with a termination this time. So much so I'm considering telling him that there was no heartbeat even if the pregnancy isn't ectopic.

I am so angry and disappointed with my self for getting into this situation, I feel terrible about it but I can't have another baby for so many reasons.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 06/01/2021 03:06

Your husband doesn't have to agree with a termination. Have you told him you're pregnant?

Original poster
SilverWaterX · 06/01/2021 03:11

I know but I would hate for him to resent me for terminating a pregnancy he wants to continue with. Yes he knows, we didn't have much of a chance to talk about it. He said wait and see what the hospital say and take it from there.

OP posts:
Laserbird16 · 06/01/2021 03:37

Its your choice. What's going on here? Why isn't what you want to do the final say? It's rather worrisome your husband coerced you into continuing the last unplanned pregnancy and you are pregnant so quickly and again unplanned. Do you have any control over contraception? Or is this something where your husband's preference trumps reliability?

I'd talk to your doctor/midwife asap and alone. If you want an abortion have one. If you don't feel you can discuss that with your husband without being guilted or whatever then don't tell him. Twenty percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage in the first trimester so this is a perfectly plausible explanation.

I hope you're ok OP and I hope there isn't anything sinister going on here but you are allowed to say no if you don't want another pregnancy at this time.

Anon778833 · 06/01/2021 04:02

Why is your husband pressuring you to have babies you don’t want? This is deeply concerning to me.

Original poster
SilverWaterX · 06/01/2021 04:04

His opinion the last time was because we have suffered pregnancy loss he didn't want to consider a termination. I don't regret my decision to have continued with the pregnancy but we are not in the position to have another.

I have been on the mini pill but on a few occasions failed to take it at the same time which is probably why I have fell pregnant again.

I will speak to my doctor tomorrow and see what my options are.

OP posts:
jasso · 06/01/2021 13:51

His opinion shouldn't really matter if you already know that you don't want to have another child.

Perhaps just tell him you've had a miscarriage.

HopingForOurRainbowBaby · 06/01/2021 14:49

Perhaps just tell him you've had a miscarriage ffs please don't do this. That's a massive insult to those of us who have lost much wanted Babies through miscarriage and also incredibly cruel to your DH

Original poster
SilverWaterX · 06/01/2021 16:18

We have previously lost much wanted babies through miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy, he will be devistated if I terminate.

I am still bleeding and have a lot of pain, EPAU want to see me first thing tomorrow morning.

OP posts:
jasso · 06/01/2021 18:27

@HopingForOurRainbowBaby

Perhaps just tell him you've had a miscarriage ffs please don't do this. That's a massive insult to those of us who have lost much wanted Babies through miscarriage and also incredibly cruel to your DH
How is it an insult to you? You're not the one pregnant or in a relationship with her DH.

She needs to do whatever is best for her.

KylieKangaroo · 06/01/2021 18:50

@jasso agreed

unsure111 · 06/01/2021 19:06

If it was me in this situation I wouldn't go to the EPAU you might see the baby on the scan or be tempted to look which will make things 100% worse if you are completely sure you don't want this pregnancy. You can call BPAS who will book the appointments needed for you. Good luck do whatever is right for you.

Newmama29 · 06/01/2021 19:11

@unsure111

If it was me in this situation I wouldn't go to the EPAU you might see the baby on the scan or be tempted to look which will make things 100% worse if you are completely sure you don't want this pregnancy. You can call BPAS who will book the appointments needed for you. Good luck do whatever is right for you.
This is quite dangerous advice. The OP has had a previous ectopic pregnancy & is having pain & bleeding. I would think it’s clear she needs to be seen at EPAS to at least rule that out or she could die if it was to rupture.
CodenameVillanelle · 06/01/2021 19:12

@HopingForOurRainbowBaby

Perhaps just tell him you've had a miscarriage ffs please don't do this. That's a massive insult to those of us who have lost much wanted Babies through miscarriage and also incredibly cruel to your DH
It's nothing to do with you or any of us who have lost a pregnancy.

OP if you feel this would be safest for you then do it.

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