Hi. It is with a heavy heart and a bothered mind that I write this post. I had a medical abortion in September last year and it was something that I did out of pressure from husband. I still think about the lost possibilities and was distraught but slowly has started to feel better (I think). Hubby had a snip the same week as I had the abortion. We have been having protected sex except that one time last week and now I feel (and am scared) that I might be pregnant. I haven't taken the test yet, I am terrified that I might be and would have to face the same situation again. I kept telling myself that I will not go through the same process again, and at the back of my mind, if I am pregnant, it will be my redemption as I feel like it will be the lost child that I have given uo because I was too scared to go on. I have 3 children, all boys, one with autism and that was hubby's driving point. That we cannot afford to have another one, because it is too draining, that we need to focus on what we have, especially our special needs child. He said that if I carried on with pregnancy that it will end up breaking our marriage. Now I'm at a point where I think that I am willing to give up the marriage but not compromise again because it felt like I have lost a part of my soul when I had the abortion the last time and it feels like if I were pregnant, it is the universe's way of telling me that it's and I'm going to be okay. But in all honesty, Im also scared of raising 3 (4)children alone, let alone have them taken away from me as I do not have a job atm. I am a registered nurse but have given up job to focus on the kids, plus we don't have family support so things will be very tough if I separate from hubby.
I know the first step is for me to take the test, but then what after that. I want to keep the baby but unsure how I would manage if I choose to do so. 😔