Justifying having a child (Christian input please!)

[zippora1]

NB: I’m happy for input from all faiths and none, but Christians preferred as that’s my faith.

I’m struggling to justify having a child. I’m 30 as is my husband, both Christians. We each have a sibling with disabilities (non-genetic) who will need support throughout life, and that put us off having additional dependents when we got married 8 years ago.

Over the last 2 years, my feelings have been changing. I’m worries that this is just my hormones and I might regret having a child once they’ve simmered down.

I’m also concerned that bringing a life, a soul into the world when they may not be saved is a huge responsibility. I just feel overwhelmed by this decision, and my DH still doesn’t want a child, so I also feel like it’s wasted emotion agonising over this, if his opinions don’t change!

Please tell me I’m not alone in these concerns, and share your thoughts/insight.

(If you don’t share my religious beliefs, absolutely fine. Please don’t make that the point of the discussion!)

I am Christian, I attend church most weeks during normal times. It has never ever occurred to me that my children might not be saved. Why would they not?

Bringing another life into the world is a huge responsibility however you look at it, you're right there. And if only one of you wants to then its probably not the right decision.

My cousin needs lifelong care and I have to admit this was at the back of my mind when I was pregnant. It's not a particularly close genetic link, it's just that having that connection made me more aware of the possibility of a child with lifelong needs than maybe other people. But you can plan for that if it happens. The concern didn't stop us.

I don't think you have to justify wanting or not wanting a child. If you want to have a child and you are in a position to care for one then that's a the justification you need. It's more complicated though obviously when your partner doesn't agree. I'd say that was your biggest problem.

Everybody has flaws but most people in the world are good people. I'm most definitely biased but it's never once occurred to me that my children's souls wouldn't be saved. To be fair though not has it ever occurred to me to justify having a child. I wanted one and felt like I was in a place where I could sacrifice enough to be a good mum.

You can trust God. Your child, if you have one, will be saved. He loves you, He will love your child.

It's hard being alive. You could avoid bringing suffering to a person, by not having a child. But you would miss out on knowing a child's love and on experiencing parental love, which gives you a hint of God's love. You decide, choose what is right for you.

I had an NDE. I was taken into the presence of God. It was... heaven! Ha! It was warm, blissful, with beautiful light and a complete certainty of being known, understood and loved. There is immense love. Immense. I came away knowing that everyone is saved, no matter who they are or what they've done, because of the great love and understanding that is waiting for us.

Trust God.

In full agreement with the posters above. As a Christian and as a parent I recognise that all I can is to provide the best framework that I can, install values that are important to me, to encourage my DC In their spiritual life but some things (many things) are, in the end, beyond my control. We are co-workers with God - it's not all on us! I will pray that in your prayers you find a way forward on this that brings you and your DH peace.

I have in the past had lots of struggles in similar (not the same) areas. I find the parable of the sheep and goats comforting - in that there is a lot we do not know about. Also the last chapter of John’s gospel - when Jesus says to Peter that what is it to him if John lives until Jesus returns - his job is to follow Jesus. We cannot control everything.

I think God does understand wanting a child too, and also the pain of rejection - like in the prodigal son. We can only do our best (the next right thing - to paraphrase frozen). I guess there is also the option of adoption - but I know it is different from wanting to conceive as the challenges would be different. Hope you can pray about it with your DH and trusted friends, priest/ministers.

Have you spoken to your vicar/minister/priest about it OP? That would probably be my first port of call if I was in a muddle.

A bigger problem might be that your DH doesn’t want DCs. Is it for the same reasons?

I would worry a little about what you were being taught if your church if it has made you so scared of having children that don’t turn out to be Christian. I have been to a church in the past that really focused on making people feel bad or scared and it wasn’t nice.

My experience of Christianity had taught me that children are a blessing and something to be very thankful for. I look forward to being able to teach my babies Christian values and bring them to church but ultimately their lives are their own, god will always be there for them whichever path they choose.

I understand your concerns. When our children made their own commitment ( at various ages) it was a great joy. It is outside your control though so hand it to God in prayer.