Abortion - help and advice desperately needed

[Irishgirl7]

Hi all. First off, I know this sounds like an episode of Jeremy Kyle but please bare with me as I feel so so helpless at the moment. This may be a long post, will try to keep it short.

I left my ex husband last December due to a DV incident, kids were not present and have no idea this is the reason. We have 2 DS together and share custody, he has them 3 nights I have them 4. He is a decent dad to them but was a horrible partner/husband. Alongside DV incident he cheated numerous times, emotionally abusive, etc and when he recently found out I was seeing someone new he threatened to kill him. Nice, I know.

My new partner was previously my boss, he's not now and hasn't been for a few months. We have an amazing relationship and I love him deeply. We live separately and had spoken about not living together til our kids (he has a DD) are much older so as not to complicate things. Our respective ex partners don't "know" about us yet and our kids aren't involved at all. Only see each other on nights we don't have our kids.

I found out today I'm 5 weeks pregnant. Have been taking cerelle consistently for a year and have never missed a window.

I have a new job within the same company starting in January and its a promotion of some sort. Will go back to full time working as my youngest is at nursery 4 days a week and goes to school next year.

I'm eaten up with guilt but my only thought is abortion. I don't see how anything else could work, how we would ever live together or how our kids would come to terms with someone new in their lives all of a sudden then a baby a few months later. Also the exes to consider. Please any advice/stories of your own you have would be amazing and even stories of how you/your relationship survived an abortion. I feel awful about this and don't really know how I'm going to cope either way.

Hello 👋🏻 I'm
Also in a similar position, how did u find out it's 5 weeks ? I found out today I am pregnant I'm guessing a month. My only child is 5. Me and partner don't live together been together 10 months. I was on pill too. I am also on medication which could cause serious birth defects. I'm goin to be booking In a termination for soon as I can get 1! Have you discussed kids? Me and my partner do but not ready right now, it's too soon. I am positive it's the right decision to make but it doesn't make you feel less guilty or sad 😞 what did your partner say ? Xxx

Aw I know, it feels awful. I've never even had to consider this, the only times I've been pg have been with my 2 sons. I'm just guessing it's 5 weeks from my last 'period'. I haven't told my partner yet, I know he'll be supportive but I dont want to ruin his Christmas with his little girl. Its all he will think about.

I'm sorry You're going through this too. How are you feeling? Xx

I had to tell my partner as I can't hide nothing from him lol he was quite gutted at first but with high risks of serious problems we know we are makin the right decision! I'm Ok thanks hun and
When u tell your partner I'm
Sure you will feel better.
I am hoping I don't have to
Wait to long for the procedure! Have you told anyone at all
Yet xx

You honestly can’t even consider the thoughts of both your ex partners at all in this decision
I’m assuming your current partner doesn’t know as yet? It could be what would bring you all under one roof as a family unit? I don’t think it sounds very realistic to keep your future plans on hold until both of your children are grown up and left home?

Nothing stopping you still taking that promotion either way

What do you want? Would you like another child? I think this is key

Hey, thanks for your reply. The only thing concerning me about the exes is that our kids are not involved at all in our relationship and I worry what they would think of all this happening at once. For example, our kids would have to meet us, meet each other and then welcome a new baby brother/sister in the space of a short 9 months

I'm about 90% sure I don't want any more kids, honestly because I'm scared of how it would make my kids feel if I were to bring a partner in full time to my home/move to a new home with him and then have a baby added in. And I really worry about his daughter, who doesn't have any siblings currently.

We were both settled with the idea that we don't want to live together. After being in such a shtty relationship, I love having my own space but also love the time we get to spend together.

Just a bit confused, sad and down about the whole situation. Current partner doesn't know yet, will tell him after Xmas and new year. Xx

In your situation I’d terminate.

You might love your partner now but it’s been less than a year and you don’t live together, very hard to judge what the future might hold. You have a new job opportunity and yes, you could still go for it but it will be harder. You are shortly going to have reduced childcare expenses when your youngest is at school. You are rightly concerned about the impact on your DC and your partner’s DD.

Quite honestly a termination makes sense and at such an early stage you could do a medical termination.

Thank you. I think in my head a termination is the only way forward. It just makes me feel guilty, very sad and like a bad mum

You're not a bad mum.