Can’t see a way out

[Sweetwrapper]

I am really struggling with decision to terminate. I have had three counselling sessions, middle one was helpful, last one was not.

Went to clinic yesterday, had more counselling and kept crying. They kept asking me if I was sure and I felt I couldn’t say yes. Because I kept crying counsellor told me I was fragile and this was for the best, which angered me. I then had to wait more, and I kept thinking about what I would say to my existing children if they ever found out, and I felt sick and so I left the clinic. I felt so relieved when I left and that it was possible to have this baby.

I spoke with husband yesterday and we thought how it would work if we went ahead. And I had a glimmer of excitement, But then yesterday evening more doubts came back about us managing, and by end of day today felt really down about everything and that we could t cope with another.

I feel I can’t have the termination, but I feel like I don’t want to have this baby. It would be our 4th. We are together and both working, financially managing, and could fit another child in the house, although it would be a squeeze. Financially life would be harder, but we could just about cope. Work would be difficult as I have only just started, and would not get mat pay and clearly they would be unhappy, but I know that’s not sufficient. Had medical issues in last pg and labour, but they are not insurmountable. gp told me they could be managed by early c section. Counsellor told me it was a life style choice, which threw me, as that did not feel sufficient in my mind for me to go ahead.

I now feel there is no way out, and I am trapped.

From experience I don't think you can be 100 percent either way.
But you have to go with the less heartbreaking decision.
And trust you are making the right choice for you.
Which one will you regret more

Thanks, I wish I knew. I thought it was the termination as it would create less pressure on everyone, but now I really don’t know.

My situation isn't the same as from yours from all angles but we have a lot of the same opinions. I'm 8 weeks pregnant and this would be my 4th child.

After many many worries and considerations, I have come to the conclusion that my main concern now is the impact it would have on my other kids. I feel like we've just got to a place where they're old enough that I can take them places, go for days out, go on holiday etc etc without having a baby in tow. Also, having my attention divided up even further when it already feels like they don't get enough. I feel like a new baby will be have a detrimental effect on their lives.

I have the abortion medication from BPAS sitting on top of my fridge. I just can't bring myself to look at them but that's not because I want another baby, just because I don't want to abort one

I was in a very similar dilemma in March. Heartbreaking and hopeless doesn’t begin to cover it. I had a couple of counselling sessions, fell to bits several times on the phone to the nurse and left the clinic twice feeling I couldn’t go through with it, but knowing that, deep, deep down, a third baby which would mean 3 under 4 wasn’t the right decision for me.

I finally decided to take the medication. I’m now currently at what would’ve been my due week. It’s not an easy time for me, it wasn’t an easy decision. Yes, I have some regrets and definitely regret that I was ever in the situation. However, I know that for that moment in time, I made the right decision for myself and my family. I’m certain that the regret and ‘what if’ will never leave me but somewhere, deep down, I know I made the right choice...

At the time there is a huge conflict of head and heart, you will go around and around, changing your thoughts daily, even minute by minute. You will probably even feel torn if you get to the point of taking the medication but you will know.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My inbox is open if you’d like to chat x

I’ve just reread your last paragraph. I could’ve written it myself.
So hard and you’ll need an untold amount of strength either way x

Whirlwind14 thanks for sharing. Hope the due date week is bearable. I am dreading that.

Tct131416 good luck with your decision. I completely understand the feeling of not wanting another baby, but not wanting to abort one either. It feels an impossible situation and a difficult time of the year to be making it.

Not to sway you in any way but to address one concern : I desperately wanted a sibling when I was 7. My mum revealed that she'd had an abortion as she couldn't go through with another pregnancy and having another child at that point. Honestly, first of all, I 100% believe that the mother's choice is the most important thing and she did the right thing as it's her body. But also as an adult I'm glad, as it meant she was the best mother to me and I had so many opportunities which would have been compromised euh another child in the mix. But all our circumstances are different. Just to say, if you go through with it, don't worry about your children's reactions.