Need help feeling lost

[Cakles2010]

I found out I’m pregnant this week by dates I’m between 4/5 weeks. I have one amazing DS who is 8 and have been with current partner for 4 years, we’ve just bought a house together this year and he’s told me he wants no children.

I feel utterly and completely lost I have a bpas appointment a week on Tuesday for a consultation and need to make a decision before it’s too late, I couldn’t go through with it any later than 8 weeks. I always said I would have 1 child and done but now it’s happened I feel so guilty as there are really no real reasons for us not to have this baby. Partner has a good job, we own our home (albeit small but have a spare empty box room) my job is ok but would be stat mat pay, I’m 32 so not exactly too old...I can’t tell anyone and what makes it worse is if either of our parents knew they would be so happy as partners mum doesn’t have any grandchildren and I know she wants them.

Reasons not to...I’d have to give up work when I’m just kickstarting my career after having son early 20s, we’d struggle more with money, I’d be starting all over again and really didn’t enjoy the baby stage I felt very isolated but was in a bad relationship with sons father. And ultimately I can already see my fate in that I’d end up a single parent as partner would not cope, he gets very easily stressed and doesn’t like a thing out of place in the house.

I didn’t feel any joy when I seen the positive test just anxiety and worry in my heart of hearts I can’t picture myself with another baby and doing it all again but I can’t get the what if out of my head. DS is an only child and so am I so he has no siblings for when I’m gone but there would be 9 years anyway so no certain they would get along...this will all be jumble as my heads a mess 😞 I know no one can give me an answer I just need to get it out and hear from anyone who’s been in a similar situation.

Thank you for listening x

Hi I hope your ok, it’s a very anxious time. Could you speak to your partner and see what he says? Ultimately it’s your decision, I’m guessing if he didn’t want to be part of it you’ve been a single mum before? Is that something you’d cope with ok? Would you have help from grandparents? If you had the baby your son and it might not have anything in common initially but everyone becomes adults so they might be then.

I have just been through with a termination, I refused to go past 8 weeks too, I would encourage you though to take as much time as you need and really think how you would feel about having the baby but also how you would feel after the termination as I felt like I rushed. I was excited initially about being pregnant as I wanted one more but my reasons were based on my health in pregnancy and birth and having to put my current children first. You have to do what’s right for you.

I can tell you physically the termination was fine but emotionally I have felt guilt afterwards and sadness but I did want the baby. Everyone is different in this though some people just feel relief and hardly think about it xx

Mummyto3 thank you for your reply, I had a meltdown this afternoon as DP was going on about something irrelevant and getting wound up saying I'm being angry all the time...I snapped and told him everything, ultimately I don't want a baby but I feel like it's happened and now I have these awful doubts and guilt...I think I would cope being a single parent I'm a fairly strong character but I certainly wouldn't be happy with it and it wouldn't be what I'd planned.

I'm really not sure if it's hormones and I'm romanticising having a baby when the realities of it is I struggle some days as a mum now and don't feel I'm good enough, mornings are an ongoing slog as are bedtimes still DS is my world but he won't go to bed earlier than 9pm and I need to be in his bedroom for him to fall asleep...I know these are habits I need to break but I imagine I'd likely crack if I added a baby to this...then I think of him being alone and no more children and I get weepy.

I literally feel sick with having to make such a big decision 😞

It’s very hard to decide when you have so little time to. As mums we put too much pressure on ourselves too. Maybe spend the week before the appointment with the view of keeping the baby and see how it makes you feel when it comes to the appointment. Or write down your feelings of each option. What has your partner said? Sorry your going through this, i know how hard it is xx

Thank you so much for this advice mummy at the moment I'm trying to put the thought out of my head that I'm terminating to see how I feel over the next week, not going to lie I'm having moments of complete panic but it's making it all feel easier as I'm just so overwhelmed x

I think that’s a good idea, try and see things rationally, I know it’s hard when your in a state of panic. Feel free to message me if you need anything xx