My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Pregnancy choices

Unsure!

9 replies

Cinders97 · 03/12/2020 11:23

Hi everyone, this is my first time posting anything here but I just really want to see what options I have and other peoples advice other than friends and family.

I'm 7 weeks pregnant, according to BPAS, and 9 weeks according to a birthing unit I've contacted. I'm single, live alone in a town house thats 3rd floor, don't drive, the father has no interest in the pregnancy so I really am alone and scared. I work full time and I really don't know if I can bring a child into all this, I feel selfish thinking about not going through with the pregnancy but I am so unprepared and worry financially about it. This isn't the home id like to raise a child and with not driving either I'm just not in an ideal situation.

BPAS sent me the kit to terminate the pregnancy at home but I've also got birthing unit appointments set up so it could go either way.

Any advice is appreciated, I'm so confused x

OP posts:
Report
TeddyBeans · 03/12/2020 11:38

I don't drive and it never stopped me from having my DS. You can get pushchairs that fold up really small and don't weigh a lot that you can carry up the stairs. Things like that aren't an issue unless you want them to be.

Noone else can make this choice for you OP, if you don't envision yourself being a mum yet then that's fine but the reasons you've given are all workable

Report
TeddyBeans · 03/12/2020 11:44

Sorry if that sounds judgey, I didn't mean it to be! How old are you OP? Will there be chances for you to have a baby in your ideal environment?

Report
Cinders97 · 03/12/2020 11:51

Definitely not judgy don't worry! I'm 23, I thought I was infertile because I never fell pregnant before, I've always wanted kids but thought I'd be driving with a house and husband by now lol! I don't think there's ever going to be an ideal time but I worry about coping now.
Being alone is petrifying for me, and I don't know how to about asking for help financially, I've never had to before

OP posts:
Report
WishingHopingThinkingPraying · 03/12/2020 11:59

It's not selfish to want to choose how the rest of your life plays out. If you decide to go ahead, and it's your choice to make, your life will become all about being a mum forevermore. I don't know how to describe it other than that. It's not a bad thing but can be a bad thing if it takes your freedom (financial or otherwise) with it.

Kids are wonderful. I personally decided at exactly your age to not have one that would have tied my life and future in knots. Now 15 years later I have everything I always wanted. A great job I love, good finances, a wonderful husband, gorgeous home and most important to me, 4 happy, healthy kids.

I never regretted my decision, it was right for me then and for future me, and not least the 4 little humans running around now.

Report
TeddyBeans · 03/12/2020 12:06

There never is an ideal time. I was with my partner for 4 years before I fell pregnant and by the time my son was 16 months old I was a single parent. There's just no guarantees in life.

Just because you're alone now doesn't mean you will be forever. I recently met a guy who accepts me for who I am and is looking forward to meeting my son in due course.

There's no right or wrong answer really

Report
Cinders97 · 03/12/2020 12:10

Ahh well thanks girls it's helped me think about it more, I think as previously said by @TeddyBeans all the reasons I gave are workable so I could definitely do this, its just finding the right help x

OP posts:
Report
ChickaboomZoom · 03/12/2020 12:16

@Cinders97

Firstly hugs to you. An unexpected pregnancy I feel is always one of the biggest shocks we can have. I know it’s been said before but it’s truly your decision, you know yourself and your circumstances best. My advice is not to make a rush decision either way, really think it through with both head and heart. If now isn’t the right time for you that’s absolutely ok. And if you think you can go forward with the pregnancy that is also ok too!

For what it’s worth, there is never a “right” time to have a baby but there can be “better” times if that makes sense? I terminated my very first pregnancy when I was 21 then went on to marry the guy and have 3 more children by the time I was 27. It wasn’t easy believe me (I always seemed to fall pregnant when one of us had lost a job!) but I managed to work, earn 3 university degrees and travel throughout with 3 kids at my heels. Fast forward to now - I am divorced but have been with my new partner for 8 years and we just had a baby last year. I’m now a mum of 4. Last week I found out I was pregnant again and I had to make a decision all over again but this time I had many more people to factor in. I chose to terminate at 5 weeks due to severe HG (severe vomiting and nausea in pregnancy) and if I am honest because I didn’t want to be a mother of 5. I wanted to be the best mother I could be to my 4 and to live a little more freely now that I’m approaching 40. I’ve got teens and a toddler. Life is crazy.

I say all that to express that life is always throwing us curveballs but ultimately we have to choose the path we feel is best for us based on the information we have at the time. I’ve had babies and I’ve had abortions so I can see both sides. Try to follow your heart and trust your instincts. It’s definitely one of the hardest decisions you’ll have to make and I’m sending you lots of hugs and best wishes. XxFlowers

Report
ChickaboomZoom · 03/12/2020 12:23

@Cinders97 also when it comes to babies, so many of the practical things we initially worry about work themselves out in the end. I can drive but I’ve not had a car for most of my time raising my kids and I’ve gotten on just fine. Baby gear these days is easy to find with bargains from charity shops or FB marketplace. For the first year you literally need nappies, wipes and formula if you aren’t breastfeeding. Babies are also pretty portable and you can often strap them on and take them anywhere...

Report
AiryFairyMum · 03/12/2020 12:52

Honestly? There's never a right time. If you want to do it, you absolutely can. The father should help financially (you can apply to do this formally, or he may be happy to pay without having to do that) and you should be entitled to maternity leave and pay. I wish I'd had my kids early and not waited until everything was perfect in my 30s to find out my eggs were hard-boiled. I have an IVF miracle, but I wish I'd started sooner so she could have a sibling.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.