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This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Pregnancy choices

Post termination guilt

8 replies

CoffeeEyes · 14/11/2020 20:36

Evening all,

I was wondering if anyone else has really struggled post-termination? It's been over a year and I feel like I can't move on - I can't stop thinking about what my baby would be like now, milestones (eg due date, first holidays etc) are unbearable and I feel I can't forgive my partner for putting me through this - I feel incredibly resentful.

I don't really have anyone to talk to about this, and I was just wondering if anyone else feels the same? I'm so numb and miserable, I just desperately want my baby.

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Blossomhill4 · 14/11/2020 20:42

Ohhh OP. What is your relationship like with your partner like? What was the reason for the termination?

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CoffeeEyes · 14/11/2020 20:55

Thank you for coming back to me! Relationship feels very on the rocks since I got pregnant, I struggle with being close to him and as I mentioned theres a lot of resentment. Termination was due to a variety of factors, my partner's father was dying, I was embarking on a professional qualification at work and it felt like keeping the pregnancy was throwing away my future... But I see people in much worse situations managing and it makes me feel so guilty. I feel so so numb and like I just can't move past it. I can't be around anything to do with children or babies and I'm just not coping - feels so silly saying all this but I don't have anywhere else to talk about it! Sad

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Blossomhill4 · 14/11/2020 20:59

I think you need to speak to your partner before this eats you away. Be open with him. What’s the plan for the future would you both like children one day?

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KylieKangaroo · 14/11/2020 21:03

Have you thought about counselling? It's so hard when you feel like that!

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Confusedgrievingmum · 15/11/2020 10:51

Hi OP

I can very much relate to what you are saying. I, too feel guilty for what I've e done and feel scarred, or even broken for life. I have never had depression before but now it feels like this is what I have. I don't have anybody to talk to in RL either as it was only my husband and I who knew about it. I imagine what life would be like had I chosen to continue with thw pregnancy and it feels like I will feel this way forever.

I try to find a means to justify what I did but because I felt pressured to do it by ny husband, I cannot come to peace with myself.

I have no advise for you other than trying to be kind to yourself and maybe find something that can help you focus your energies and thoughts into something positive. Hugs.

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eyestotheskies · 15/11/2020 13:38

Hi OP, I’m so sorry to read your post. My termination was a long time ago now, but I felt exactly the same. Abortion is so normalised today that it’s expected that you just ‘get over it’, unfortunately it’s not that easy.
The what ifs and wondering what your child would have been like are a torment.
I can only echo what other posters have said and look into counselling... I wish I had sooner, I just tried to bury my feelings and emotions but they surfaced anyway.
Also, there is a forum called PASS boards which is specifically for women suffering post abortion. I found it really helpful to find it and know I wasn’t alone In how I felt.

Be kind to yourself x

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BuggerationFlavouredCrisps · 15/11/2020 13:51

OP, I can empathise with your situation.

I struggled with all those feelings for a few years but leaving my ex (his affair and further lies was the main reason for the termination) and moving house/job to start again helped a lot. I went on to meet DH a few years afterwards and having our much loved child has really helped put everything firmly in the past.

I occasionally think about what might have been but it doesn’t upset me anymore. OP, I hope you can reach this place too.

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lunalulu · 18/11/2020 05:47

OP yes I understand totally and I felt the same. Still do, somewhere deep inside.

It makes me so angry when people come on blithely talking about how it's all a breeze and you'll feel only relief. My god.

I think there are many of us who were devastated, but even if there are only two of us, that's too much. This shouldn't be happening. I'm so sorry, OP. Time will make it better.

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