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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

I don’t know if I should terminate

25 replies

Georgeoftheinternet · 26/10/2020 20:50

I have a list of reasons not to continue which out weight the reasons that I shouldn’t terminate.

I just don’t know what to do.
Let be clear I have mental health issues, no baby father around, no one to help me raise the kid, I don’t know if I can tell it right from wrong, I don’t want it to have a socially isolated life like me... positives, I’m pregnant.

OP posts:

MiddleClassMother · 26/10/2020 22:48

No one can answer that question apart from you. The biggest one to ask is, will you regret it? Hopefully some more posters will reply soon with better advice than I can give.

Giganticshark · 26/10/2020 23:22

How far along are you? Do you have contact details for the father? (he should be paying towards the 'upkeep' of his child, regardless of how involved he is/isn't).

Ultimately only you can make this decision.
Do you live in the UK? Are there groups etc you can visit once baby is born?

I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you. I hope you are ok x

RunningFromInsanity · 26/10/2020 23:26

Do you have the means to look after a baby? Do you have housing? Space? Money? Etc

Will having a baby affect your mental health?

Original poster

Georgeoftheinternet · 27/10/2020 00:01

@MiddleClassMother that’s the issue. I’m 35 maybe my only chance.

OP posts:

Original poster

Georgeoftheinternet · 27/10/2020 00:01

I can’t think of any positives

OP posts:

Original poster

Georgeoftheinternet · 27/10/2020 00:02

@Giganticshark I’m in the U.K. but he’s ghosted me and no contact details. Yes I have money and maybe enough to cope.

It’s just would I be a good mother - how can anyone tell.

OP posts:

laura212 · 27/10/2020 08:10

No one can make the decision for you. I assume you are under the care of someone regarding your health issues? Talk it through with your professional or GP. What I can tell you is you won’t be just left in limbo if you decide to carry on the pregnancy. You will have a detailed discussion with your midwife who will make a plan with you and can then refer you onto specialist care and provide the support you need. So you’re not going to be completely alone in this, there is help and you will be offered help. I would discuss it with your healthcare professional, your concerns, access to support ect. and find out where you stand. The logical reason for an unexpected pregnancy is almost always to terminate. However, you should also consider the emotional and mental impact a termination might have. Seek some help and speak to a professional ,it would hopefully give you a clearer picture. Good luck

Original poster

Georgeoftheinternet · 27/10/2020 18:55

@laura212 thanks Laura. I can’t imagine having a female and her having the same level of loneliness I have had. I don’t know why I thought I male would be better.

You say there is help - I was pushed from every organisation and my last step was A&E after being told to go there for a medication review after the community mental health team forgot to refer me (they know I’m pregnant). Nurse was abusing and threatened to section me - even after I and her spoke to the community mental health team she still wanted to section me. There is no mental health help, so why would there be for a baby?

OP posts:

laura212 · 28/10/2020 07:18

I’m sorry you’ve been treated that way, it sounds horrible. I know it doesn’t compare to what you’ve been through but I have had some depression this time around. I chose to carry on an unexpected pregnancy and it has caused a huge rift in my relationship. Up until I was 24 weeks I was debating whether I should terminate or not. Termination never sat completely right with me and I felt that if I did do it, I would plunge myself into an emotional hell.
I’m really not trying to suggest you carry on the pregnancy or not. It should always be your decision and yours alone. You should put your well-being first.
I was able to self refer to a midwife and just from my experience, you’d be looked after well. Would you be able to have a discussion about this with your GP? Whatever you decide to do, it doesn’t sound right to be treated this way and it sounds like you’re not in a great treatment setup.

emxx20 · 28/10/2020 14:27

It's completely your choice but I can tell you people regret abortions but never regret their child

Skippii · 28/10/2020 14:32

@emxx20

It's completely your choice but I can tell you people regret abortions but never regret their child

That's totally untrue and rather nasty.

YouKidsIsCrazy · 28/10/2020 14:33

It's completely your choice but I can tell you people regret abortions but never regret their child

Please don't trot this out, its simply not true. Of course people regret having a child, and wish they had not. Ir's not helpful to pretend otherwise.

emxx20 · 28/10/2020 19:23

@Skippii how's it nasty are you weird

Bamboo15 · 28/10/2020 19:34

Emxx20 there are whole threads on here about people regretting having children.

emxx20 · 28/10/2020 19:51

@Bamboo15 well I've not seen it so and of course some people will regret having them a little I just wanted to really let her think about it like would I regret it if I did have an abortion I was trying to do reverse psychology clearly it didn't work

emxx20 · 28/10/2020 20:05

I was in your position when I found out I was 4 weeks pregnant I'm not the type to agree with abortion but but I was in a really bad place with the father and my financial situation but I decided to go ahead and I'm glad I did I am now 35 weeks and can't believe I was thinking about getting rid of my child I feel guilty about it but the situation wasn't good so i don't judge if you really feel like you want an abortion then do it it's your body your life your choice just make sure that it's definitely what you want and think about how you will feel afterwards because once it's done it's done if it's early days then don't worry too much about it because It's not even really a fetus yet. What put me off what the potential that it could be so I couldn't go ahead but that's just me and my experience you just do what's best for you make sure you really think about it Before you make any big decision

Bamboo15 · 28/10/2020 20:12

Its a very personal decision OP so maybe the best advice is to contact a family planning service and have a discussion with someone, if you are undecided?

I would say that it is a very big job that you take on when you have a baby, even with a partner. If you’re on your own it is worth making sure you have support in place financially, emotionally and with practical help, especially if you are having a tough time with your mental health.

I think we will see a reduction in funding for community based support services, so now more than ever it might be a case of making sure you plan ahead. It may also be worth making sure you are in a strong place with your mental health before thinking about being the full time support service for someone who will need so much from you 24/7.

If you don’t see any positives - and I didn’t when I had a termination years ago, then that might be the answer for you. Alternatively, if you can talk to someone and feel you can make the get the right plan in place re the above then at least you can weight up the options. I had my first baby in my late 30s so don’t let age make you dedicated to having a baby if it’s not the right thing for you right now x

Original poster

Georgeoftheinternet · 28/10/2020 22:10

Thanks everyone.

I can’t see any positives and looking after a kid I don’t think I’ll enjoy. Nappy changes, putting them to bed, same routine and not getting 5 minutes to myself.

I don’t think @emxx20 was rude. A lot of people when they have a child say they “wouldn’t change it for the world”. Doesn’t mean I will regret. Many people don’t regret, many people do regret, doesn’t mean I won’t regret it will regret at certain times.

OP posts:

Original poster

Georgeoftheinternet · 28/10/2020 22:11

@Bamboo15 yes I don’t have anyone. Mental health services are also bad.

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Original poster

Georgeoftheinternet · 29/10/2020 20:34

Had a counselling session
Today. Was pointless as it’s my decision and she was telling me basically to abort. Lol

OP posts:

formerbabe · 29/10/2020 20:38

@emxx20

It's completely your choice but I can tell you people regret abortions but never regret their child

I'm afraid that's not true. Lots of people regret becoming parents although they love their children deeply.

YouKidsIsCrazy · 30/10/2020 11:31

It really doesn't sound like you want to have a baby. You don't think you'd like looking after it, you don't see any positives, you don't have any support and your mental health is already bad.
If you go ahead, what are you going to do when it gets hard? When you have a tiny baby crying all night long, you can't get 5 minutes to yourself etc? Do you have friends to talk to or help out? Do you work? Can you afford childcare?

Original poster

Georgeoftheinternet · 30/10/2020 11:53

@YouKidsIsCrazy why do people even have children?

OP posts:

YouKidsIsCrazy · 30/10/2020 12:45

For lots of different reasons, but generally they don't when they can't think of a single reason they want to AND they are aware they don't actually want to do any of the required work.

WWYD2020 · 30/10/2020 13:06

@emxx20

It's completely your choice but I can tell you people regret abortions but never regret their child

That’s not true and very insensitive to the situation OP is in.

@Georgeoftheinternet I just wrote on your other thread not realising you had more than one.

Why do People have children

Because I wanted to love, care for and nurture a new human being. It is rough, from pregnancy to birth and beyond. I don’t know what mental health help there is out there but you will not have been the first to be in this situation, I’d say speak to the people who know you/your mental health best.

Do you want to have a baby?

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