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Pregnancy choices

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45 and unplanned pregnancy

13 replies

MollyCG · 19/10/2020 20:08

I'm desperately in need of some support and guidance please. I am almost 45 and just found out I am pregnant (period just 3 days late).

My husband and I agree that the best option for our family is to terminate, the risks are too high in view of my age but also because we are expats in a country where there are extremely limited medical facilities. We already have two DD.

I went to the expat family doctor this morning for a referal to a gynacologist but he simply informed me that he doesn't do 'that procedure' and could not help. I then found a gynacologist at the main hospital who wanted to do an internal ultrasound to check that the pregnancy was not ectopic. I did not feel comfortable to let him do that as had only spoken of the option of a surgical termination and did not even offer a medical termination which I was expecting in view of the early stage of pregnancy.

I feel so judged by the medical profession instead of supported. What surprises me the most is that the attitude of both these doctors is not making me doubt my decision but more resolute that I have the right to decide what happens to my body.

To make matters worse, my husband is angry that I did not simply let the gynacologist do the internal ultrasound but I honestly don't know why the doctor is questionning whether the pregnancy could be ectopic.

Am I right in thinking that a medical termination is possible at this stage? Psycologically I think I would find it easier than a surgical procedure. Thanks so much for any advice you can give.

OP posts:
IsolaPribby · 19/10/2020 20:15

What are the rules and regulations regarding abortion where you are? That may be part of the problem.

MollyCG · 19/10/2020 20:21

I think you are right, that's the real problem, while abortion is legal, it is totally taboo

OP posts:
BaseDrops · 19/10/2020 20:23

Maybe the gynae wanted to check if it was “ectopic” so he could help you.

Isadora2007 · 19/10/2020 20:26

You’d possibly need an internal scan to check your dates anyway? Not sure why you didn’t want that as they can’t just take your word for the dates for terminating a pregnancy.

helpmum2003 · 19/10/2020 20:31

OP a medical termination is possible but the Dr is correct that a scan is needed to exclude an ectopic prior. At such an early stage a vaginal scan is likely to be needed.

I know it's upsetting but just take their advice xx

MollyCG · 19/10/2020 20:40

Thank you everyone for your responses. I didn't have any internal scans with my two pregnancies so was I wasn't prepared mentally and I really didn't want to hear a heartbeat. I guess I just didn't trust the doctor after the my GP's moralistic reaction this morning. I take on board that it is part of the normal process and will prepare myself. I'm just hoping no surgical intervention is needed

OP posts:
MollyCG · 19/10/2020 20:44

BaseDrops, the more I think about the day, the more I think you may be right about the 'ectopic' angle being more culturally acceptable as a reason to terminate.

OP posts:
BaseDrops · 19/10/2020 21:05

I hope it goes more smoothly for you than today did. Flowers

pjani · 19/10/2020 21:10

I read an article recently which said during covid many abortion services have moved online and pills are sent out and the feedback from women has been positive. Maybe try reputable online providers?

I'm so sorry you're having this shit experience, you should be able to access an abortion without judgement.

AdriannaP · 19/10/2020 21:14

There are reputable charities that send abortion pills to women if this is difficult to get in your country.

MollyCG · 20/10/2020 02:10

I am lying awake playing the two doctors visits today in my head. But what upsets me the most is the reaction of my husband. Instead of making sure that my boundaries were respected by the gynae, he was exasperated that I simply would not let a doctor I met 2 minutes prior do an internal exam without any explanation why it was necessary. For context we are in a seriously underdevelopped country where the level of doctor training and medical facilities are nowhere near European standards.

OP posts:
SelkieQualia · 20/10/2020 02:38

I'm sorry, Op, that sounds really hard. Marie Stopes has protocols for medical termination for up to 9 weeks, but it's a good idea to get confirmation of dates via a scan. Perhaps they have an outreach service that you might be able to access?

Peacocking · 20/10/2020 15:15

I'm in a very very similar situation. Almost identical same age and stage. Women on Web are helping me. I also live in a place where abortion is (recently) made legal but I've discovered that just because its legal doesn't mean its accessible.

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