Pregnant with unplanned 3rd 5 months Postpartum

[Morgandetoi]

I am currently around 4 weeks pregnant with an unplanned 3rd child and I have no idea what to do.

I have a termination booked for Tuesday but I’m not sure I can take the tablet to end my child’s life.

My dd is just 3 and my ds is 5 months. Both terrible pregnancies and labour’s. The last one was life threatening and I’m still dealing with the aftermath in regards to my health. I am still breastfeeding and I’m still carrying my baby weight, I’m about 4 stone overweight. I have high blood pressure and enlarged neck arteries which is under investigation and heart palpitations. I’m also allergic to gas and air and anaesthetic.

I love being a mum, so much. It brings me nothing but joy and contentment. would I still feel like that dealing with 2 toddlers? My 5 month old would miss out on time with me as I know I will have constant morning sickness for 9 months again. My attention would be spread so thin, would that be fair to my beautiful boy?

I have a loving supportive husband, who works away and long hours, but not much of a support network. We have a small 3 bed semi with no room for another child. I want to give my babies everything. I’m constantly busy with different activities with my daughter, they cost quite a lot but she loves them. As my son gets older there will be costs involved on different activities, with a 3rd I couldn’t do this for any of them. I want to show my babies the world, If we have a 3rd, holidays would be a caravan. No more nice clothes for them and big birthday parties. No private swimming lessons, no Lapland trips, no Disney.

We would have to get a bigger house, a bigger car etc. my husband and I are both self employed, we don’t have the security of regular pay, pensions and pay rises. I was due to go back to uni next year, that wouldn’t happen.

Is this all superficial? I’m worried about my health for the children I have.

I already lost one baby and the emotional pain was horrendous and something I still think of everyday.

Can I go through that again? Can I live with guilt?

Any advice?

Oh love, my heart goes out to you. Don't torment yourself, please. You were right first time, getting the tablet. You are a good mother, too good to let your children pay the price for this mistake. The recent conception is only that, not a child. One in four pregnancies stops itself, usually in the early months. So, you are quite possibly only taking a tablet instead of nature stopping this for you. ( For goodness sake get something better as fool proof contraception, to be sure this never happens again.!)

It's only a pill. Just in case you get sentimental, bear in mind your own description of the state of your mental and physical health sounds like a recipe for your body not to cope with producing a healthy new person anyway. If you break down, and you sound really depressed already, what will become of your existing children? You wouldn't suggest to anyone else they should risk their entire family, their mental and physical health, their emotional and financial future, and a possibility of bringing a damaged person into the world because their body didn't manage to develop the early embryo properly.

You need to perk yourself up, somehow. Are you able to get out for a walk in nature every day? Little things make a difference. Now that you have two lovely children and your family is complete, you can make a plan for all your futures, and bit by bit, everything will only get better and better. You are so lucky to have a decent man as a husband. Very best wishes to you.

Can you get the surgical termination? They use sefstion

Sedation

Very sorry you found yourself in this situation. I think there’s pros and cons whatever you decide. The good news is you’re very early on and although it’s never an easy decision, at this point you should see your pregnancy as a possible baby rather than a fully developed child. It doesn’t make it any easier. What I would do is discuss the implications of the pregnancy on your health with your doctor and it may give you a clearer indication.
Glad you have a supportive husband, you should think about whether you could handle another one realistically. In terms of finances, while yes children are expensive, yours would be very close together and you would already have most things. You mention birthday parties and trips, moving house and all that... it’s really just about compromising and finding cheaper alternatives ect. From my experience, I would say that with planning another child won’t completely cripple you financially. Also having children close together has been a positive thing for me, you come out of the baby and toddler phase in one go and they will play together, be in school together and all that. So I think it is certainly doable but your first concern should be your health and talking through your options with a doctor. If there are grave concerns about your health then maybe it will help your decision. You can always use the counselling offered. Ultimately it’s deciding what will be best for you, your family and also what you would be able to live with.