Is it normal to feel like this?

[Mindbending]

I just had a medical abortion a week ago
I am certain that it was the right decision for me and my family My husband has been extremely supportive he is the only other person who knows anything about the whole situation no one else even knew I was pregnant to begin with
My problem is I am extremely sad about the whole thing I keep crying and I’m a bit down
I feel like I have no right to be feel the way I do because I choose to go through with it and that I should be able to just carry on.

Yes totally normal, please don't be so hard on yourself. It took me a long time to feel normal again after mine, even though I knew it was the right decision. Allow yourself to feel however you need to and don't feel bad for feeling sad, it's still a loss even though it's one you chose that doesn't mean you don't deserve to feel sad. Hope you're okay

Thanks I’m ok just didn’t think it would be this hard because I am sure it was the right thing to do

I know how you feel. I am 4 months down the line and regret it hugely and still feel sad about it. My situation is a bit different as my initial reaction to the pregnancy was shock and excitement, but my husband was really against it. Despite this the intense grief has passed, I just wish I had made a different choice.

I'm so sorry for both of you.

The problem is that when you make the choice, it is so loaded with the reassurance around you that termination is 'sensible' and having the baby would therefore be somehow reckless and foolish.

And if anyone in the other side - having had an abortion and regretted it - tries to tell you that perspective is all wrong, they get shamed and told they're bad for trying to interfere and stop you making your decision. But someone needs to stand up and say the decision is uniquely personal and not about women's rights or a right to choose or being sensible. It's personal because you are the person who has to live with it 😓

I still feel angry about the way we are influenced to believe that abortion is sensible.

I feel like it was the most reckless and truly insane thing I've ever done. But I only did it - or, rather, allowed them to do it to me - because I was bombarded with people and institutions I trusted telling me it was sensible.

But they didn't have to live with it afterwards forever.

That's why I'm so sorry for you both, and cry with you. Of course the grief recedes over time, but I don't think the bleakness ever quite goes. You just learn not to go there, to paper it over and get on with life.

Thanks Luna, i feel the same and I felt angry that I wasn't gently questioned more about my choice and the pills just dropped through my letterbox within days. It was too easy. I struggle to reconcile this feeling with my own strongly pro choice beliefs. I don't want it to be made hard for other women that desperately want or need a termination.

But yes, I absolutely got swept along with my husbands reaction and focused on the sensible and rational reasons that i should terminate (really mainly convenience and lifestyle based). Each morning for the week I knew I was pregnant, I woke up knowing I wanted to keep my baby' with a calm feeling. But its a lonely place to be when the father does not want it and shows no enthusiasm at all. By the end of each day I felt tired and scared and that termination was the only rational option.

My husband would have come around I think (I hope), but in my confused state I felt the termination was the right thing to do.

I am so wary of projecting my feelings onto anyone else, but if I can help another woman to not experience this grief, then I want to.

Wishing all you ladies well and some peace xx

Hi, all your messages resonate with me so much. I had a termination when I was much younger and it was awful, I always regretted it. I swore I would never do it again. The ‘bleakness’ in all aspects of my life which a PP describes is spot on.

Now I find myself unexpectedly pregnant in pretty dire circumstances- I’ve been flipping between options for weeks now and while on paper I know termination is Th e sensible and right thing to do, I also know the aftermath of it. The father is putting a lot of inadvertent pressure on me to terminate. When I told him I couldn’t last week he withdraw entirely and I felt that I had no other option.

So here I am, at the time limit to take the pills and still so unsure. I wondered if I could be stronger and stop caring what others think will I be happier in the long run?

Or am I just being incredibly selfish and putting my own feeling before everyone else.. my children; the father, his children. I just don’t know what to do for the best.

@ElowenSmile im so sorry you went through all that and im sorry you didnt have the support you needed. Im in a similar situation im currently 6 and a half weeks pregnant and my partner also wants me to get an abortion. The onky difference is he is my boyfriend and weve only known eachother 7 months so its a lot more early days in our relationship. Were both 25 and have no children. My hearts telling me to keep the baby but he is adimant im stupid as its so early in our relationship. Having a child is the last thing he wants and i dont want to push him away by keeping it as up until now we have been very happy. I am also scarred to be alone in the situation as i have no family around me local.

wveruone has there reasons into why they have a termination i had one in the past when i was young, again like yourselfs i had my reasons howeverrrr i did cry my eyes out for weeks and even now wish i did not go through with it 21 yrs on its the type of guilt where u think i should had went through with the pregnancy and whether that child would of been a boy or a girl .if for some reason that bubba bless them had life changing issues then thats another storie but each to there own @Mindbending the reason why u feel that way is because u will be having regrets hence what u ate feeling right now .ok be kind to yourself whats done us done try to put your mind at rest and move forward xx

@Brii94its your decision men most of the time come round in the end .whether u are having a child now or later u will still end up having one i now no that kids /babies are a blessing i was young and stupid in the past

Omg sorry this silly phone there are so many mistakes in my words there

I am sorry to those of you finding yourself in this situation as well. It is such a personal decision, it's hard to advise, but all I can say is that the grief I have felt and still feel can be very hard to bear. I think you need to be sure to go through with a termination.

@ElowenSmile yes. After the termination I had when I was 19 I was utterly devastated. It honestly broke me and until I had my own children i couldn’t begin to move on from it.

I swore I’d never do it again but now all the signs point to me doing just that. I feel like a rabbit in the headlights and just paralysed by the illusion of ‘choice’.

I hate how abortion is so normalised and routine, I am pro choice but I believe people take the decision too lightly, and live with the regret. I know I did.

If termination doesn't feel right, don't do it. This is coming from someone who has been in the exact same position. I found myself pregnant on the pill - I never missed one - and felt very conflicted from the beginning. My DH was adamant we should terminate for practical and logical reasons. All valid and fair. I found myself being almost pressured, certainly coerced and ended up booking a termination, then cancelling last minute several times. In the end, I felt it would be easier to live with the decision to keep the baby than having the guilt and regret hang over me for the rest of my life, I just knew I would really struggle to get over a termination. I went as far as being in a gown about to be prepped and I just said no I can't do this. I'm not saying everyone feels this way and I'm sure termination is the right decision for many women out there. Personally, I felt it was a huge weight off my shoulders once I decided to go against DH and it's been the most difficult decision to make. The consequence of my decision is of course the unknown, I have no idea whether my marriage will survive down the line, if I'm going to have to do it alone and all that. I've had to put up with a lot of anger and blame from DH and of course learn to accept that while it was my decision to keep the baby, he can decide to stay or leave.
Noone can make the decision for you unfortunately, so really it will come down weighing up your options and what will be easier for you to live with.
To the OP, I can't imagine the emotions you must be going through. I always think women are naturally hardwired to protect a pregnancy and having a termination never really comes natural to us, the hormonal changes certainly don't help either. You felt it was the right decision for you and that's a brave decision to make. Be good to yourself and just allow yourself time to process knowing it was the right thing for you.

Hi ladies
I have been visiting this thread and re-reading your posts over and over again to hopefully, maybe somehow help me feel better about my decision to termjnate my pregnancy over 2 weeks ago. Unlike OP, hubby was not supportive, in fact he was quite the opposite about the pregnancy and he convinced me that termination was the best choice for our children (1 being a special needs child). I wept and still grieve for that loss. I look into my children's eyes while were playing and in the midst of our happiness I will be swept with sadness wondering what life would be like 1 or 2 years along had I chosen to continue with the pregnancy. I don't have a girl so I was hoping that the 4th one would be a girl although we never planned it as hubby was getting a vasectomy (booked in) before I got pregnant. Now I know I will never be the samr again and I am ashamed of myself for not standing up for my unborn child, for not fulfilling what I was made for. I am hoping that in time, I would be able to move on and let go but as of now, it just feels like there is a void in my soul that would never be fill by anything or anyone, not even my family.

Blessings to all and thank you for sharing your personal experiences.

@Confusedgrievingmum I’m sorry you had to go through this awful experience. I totally understand the pressure you’re under when you have a partner who is completely unsupportive and pressures you into doing something that doesn’t feel natural to you. Either way you feel guilty, I feel hugely guilty for “forcing” a child into someone who doesn’t want it. It’s a no win situation I think, had I gone through with a termination I would have resented OH and now that I haven’t I feel that resentment from him.
It sounds like you had a lot on your plate already and it’s never an easy decision. I constantly worry about how I will cope and even though I’ve felt I’ve made the right decision for me, the reality of having another baby is overwhelming. The what ifs can be a real bastard but hopefully you can focus on moving on. It’s done now and although you feel awful, maybe turn your focus on your children and yourself. Maybe consider counselling and talking through your emotions. x

I still feel anger towards the nurse whole told me (and she was probably totally fed up with me because if been sitting with her for over 4 hours crying) that I had two options - I could leave and proceed with the pregnancy or I could take the tablets and life would go back to normal. I took the tablets but life never went back to normal because of the guilt and sorrow I felt about the abortion.