First appointment tomorrow

[Eamhair]

I am 11 weeks pregnant and posted a wee while back after I found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks how distressed I was. Since then things haven't changed that much and on top of it, I have been diagnosed with hypermesis gravidarum which has left me very ill and been admitted to hospital.

I have a fantastic counsellor who I have been weekly sessions with and I have decided to have an abortion. My partner is upset and it breaks my heart. However he also understands that for me to continue with this pregnancy will impact on my mental health and he is being very loving and supportive. He has said he is worried I will harm myself if I go on. I am just not well enough to cope with this pregnancy or the life changing enormity of having a baby at this moment. I do think that this has put me off ever biologically having a baby but I have assured my partner that I still see children in our future whether it be through fostering and adoption and it is knowing that I have these options and we can still have experience of having children that is keeping me going.

I have my first appointment tomorrow at the hospital for a scan and to discuss the procedure. I feel a mixture of relief and sadness and worry for my partner and pray we can get through this but the thought of going through with this is just too much to bear. I feel more upset that I was in a position to make this choice. Through counselling I have been able to realise that I wasnt well when we started trying and I must focus on my own health.

I am only writing this to get it out. Please please no stories about how I shouldn't go through with it. I've spent every day wanting for this to be over.

Good luck, it sounds like you have made the best decision for you. I hope you start to feel better soon and so glad your partner is being supportive, it makes all the difference. You will get through this and have already coped with more than you know already to get to this stage

If you do decide you want to be pregnant again there are excellent medications which if taken early enough can stave off the development of Hg, now you know you are prone to it. Sounds like you are making the right choice for you now. Best of luck either everything.

Thank you. I feel wracked with guilt for getting myself into this position. My partner had wanted to put off trying for a baby as he knew I wasn't well but I had put so much pressure on him as I had an obsession of having a baby before I was 34 without any sort of rational discussion about it. But I know I cannot go on feeling like this.

My partner is upset obviously and I was scared he would leave me. We have been discussing our future and the ways in which we can still have a family without me going through this again. It might seem odd to be discussing this but it really is the only way I can cope knowing I have options for the future.

You should not feel guilty, you had no way of knowing that you were going to feel this way. Look after yourself and make sure your mental health is your number one priority

I had my appointment today for a scan and blood test and I am to take the first tablet on Tuesday and in hospital on Thursday. I have lost so much weight along with the not eating or drinking and was explained that this could be a risk carrying on with the pregnancy. In some odd way this is a relief to hear this. Instead of thinking of me making a horrible choice to think of it as a pregnancy that can't go on for health reasons. Doesn't stop me being emotional about it all.

Hope it goes as well as possible OP. Just been through a medical myself. Take care of you x

Thank you. I feel wracked with guilt I can't give my partner biological children and I know the full on care of a child would make me ill too. I also can't go on feeling like this physically either.

The only thing that keeps me going is the thought of doing respite fostering or something similar. To know we can have those experiences with children and build relationships gives me hope. My partner has also been speaking about this too. I just hope he doesn't leave me.